insomniac practices

I ended up trying a new style recently out of sheer boredom. The last word of the sentence is the first word of the next. I dunno if it works well or not so if possible I’d like some feedback :slight_smile:

‘Portal’

all I can feel is pain,
pain from my gaping wounds,
wounds that cannot close,
close away from your warmth,
warmth that sings to my soul,
soul deprived shadows crowd us in,
in a clostrophobic space,
space and time slowly fade,
fade like dew in the morning sun,
sun beams shining through the windows,
windows guide me to myself,
myself…
myself…
myself…

            -tgd

Hmmm… not bad for about 7 minutes work I spose :boring:

Interesting.

I presume that the rapidly-changing imagery in the poem symbolises the speaker’s wild thought patterns and inability to think clearly in a depression. Otherwise, the shifts in imagery are so sudden that it is very difficult to perfectly understand what is going on.

The poem seems fine to me, although in preference, I am not that partial to free verse poetry. Were you wanting to make your poems complex works or not? I can help you with poetics if you like. For instance, you could use enjambment to highlight shifts in mood and/or imagery in the poem which are more significant.

enjambment? That’s not a term I’m familiar with, either that or I forgot it from my poetry class. I appreciate the offer for the help Percival, but I don’t think I need it on this one. I decided that this particular experiemnt did exacty what I had intended… attempted a style to see if I liked it or not :slight_smile: I don’t think I do like it actually. I definitely prefer ones with meter and rhyme. Anyway, thanks again!

Originally posted by tgd
enjambment? That’s not a term I’m familiar with, either that or I forgot it from my poetry class.

Enjambment (literally ‘straddling’ in French) is a device in which a sentence clause runs over the end of a line of poetry and into the next. Normally, a reader expects a line to end with the ending of a clause or the whole sentence, but when enjambment occurs, the sentence clause or whole sentence stands out because the pause breaks it. This is useful for highlighting special parts of the poem.

Here is an example of enjambment from lines 4 – 5 of a roundel which I wrote recently:

“But dare ne ask, lest she me think t’ upbraid
A bawdy knave that list to know her braid,”

P.S. If you should like read the whole roundel (or rondeau), you can find its thread in this forum.

I caught that, I just didnt know what it was called lol.

I personally can’t work with those set poetry schemes, but on the other hand I hardly write poetry :slight_smile:

Inteeresting poem, tgd :slight_smile:

interesting is a very euphamistic word. Consequently a safe word to use while playing the role of a critic :o thanks though:moogle: