- Found God
- Lost God
- Found God again
- Dropped God down the stairs
- Hid God under the carpet
- Tripped on bulging carpet God
- Used God’s name in vain
- He just told me to “eh, forget about it”
So God and I are pretty tight these days
Sometimes we go on picnics. I like to eat pastrami. But God prefers bologna. I tell God that bologna is bad for His arteries. He laughs and says something about eternal life and omnipotence and some really good cardiologist up in His neck of the woods. I’m not sure, I wasn’t really listening. Pastrami is awesome.
Sometimes God and I like to argue about music. I like songs that say “fuck” in it a lot because I think it’s a funny word. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, it totally rocks with a solid beat, you know what I’m saying? God says fuck is a bad word though. He likes songs with lots of thous and smites and begats. I guess that’s pretty cool. I mean, I can appreciate it and all, but it’s not really my scene. I’m pretty sure the last guy who said he’d smite me was batting for the other team, if you catch my drift.
But yeah, God is alright. He’s a cool Guy to like sit and have a coffee with, but I wouldn’t want to take Him to a party. Well, maybe a toga party, I could probably land some sweet Roman pussy with God by my side there. Otherwise…well it’s just a lot of work to explain the whole beard and girl dress thing. I mean, I bought the Guy a pair of jeans for His last birthday, and He said He liked them but He’d rather wait for a special occassion to wear them. Maybe He just returned them to Target.
So yeah, I think that just believing in God is not enough, you know? It’s easy to just believe in God, but how many people are actually willing to hang out with the Guy? Not enough, I can tell you that. So maybe next time instead of just kneeling at the end of your bed and saying a few words, you could try picking up the phone and giving the Old Guy a call. He’s always up for just chilling out or whatever. You can even bring a friend. God loves all people, especially girls with big knockers.