Kay, I said i was working on a blooper for Final Fantasy X-2, back in August, and here it is.
Hope you enjoy it!
FINAL FANTASY X-2 BLOOPERS
By
Vanguard Ziggy
Author’s notes: Okay one of the first fictions I have done in script form. I wrote a fan fiction script story of the “episode” that takes place after the true last episode of Seinfeld years ago. I also wrote a Transformers fan fiction story in script mode, like this one, a comedy. But this is the first script behind the script. I’ve always admired how role playing games have tried to make their stories cinematic, but to my disappointment, they’ve never done a bloopers section, mainly because voice actors have only gotten in the action of games for just a few years. This is my answer to that. While the “actor” names are not mentioned – the character names are – the same situation you see in shows like Home Improvement, Whoopi, etc. will be seen. Here are Yuna and company screwing up in some silly and hilarious ways. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter One
First Group of Bloopers: The opening chase scene.
Rikku and Paine chase after the Yuna imposter through the streets of Luca. She quickly looses them as she runs around a corner.
Rikku: Hey, you run too fast!
Man (O.S.): You’re too slow; little girl.
Another man (O.S.): Bwahahaha, show’s over.
The camera shifts to a skinny man with guns and a bulky man carrying a heavy shield.
Rikku: Yeowch.
Paine: This way.
Paine turns and begins to run to the left of the screen, running straight into a stack of boxes, bashing her face. The crew gasps at first, and then laughs as they realize she’s alright.
Paine (giggles): Damn, that hurt.
Same scene, second take.
Paine: This way.
She turns and runs to the left of the screen, Rikku follows, but trips on some water on the ground, and slides towards Ormi and Logos, sending them crashing into the ocean. The crew howls with laughter.
Same scene, third take.
Paine tries to say her line, but can’t keep a straight face. She breaks out into hysterical laughter.
Paine (between uncontrolled giggles): I’m sorry, I’m sorry. They looked like a troupe of ballerinas.
Same scene, sixth take.
Paine still can’t control her giggles. She’s rolling on the floor and tears are coming from her eyes.
Rikku (groans): It wasn’t that funny, you know?
Same scene, ninth take.
Paine: This way.
Paine and Rikku are chased by Ormi and Logos. They are cornered and it looks like the end. Right as they are about to attack, a hail of bullets strikes near their feet.
The camera shifts to Yuna holding two guns, crisscross. She pauses and then rushes forward, firing her guns. Yuna leaps onto Ormi’s back, to perform a back flip, but trips over his shield and crashes on the ground.
Rikku: Yunie, are you okay?
The crew chuckles and there are some tired sighs.
Director (O.S.): Are we ever going to get this shot right?
Yuna (giggles): Sorry.
Scene finished in tenth take.
* ~ * ~ *
Second group of bloopers: Mt. Gagazet the elevator scene.
Yuna approaches the control of the elevator and looks at it.
Yuna: You think this Machina still works?
Yuna pushes the button, and nothing happens.
Rikku: Um, hello? Elevator?
Nothing happens, Rikku kicks elevator and groans.
Rikku: Oui pek cibet rayt. (You big stupid head).
Same scene, second take.
The elevator is moving.
Yuna: I wonder how safe this is.
Suddenly the elevator slows down and in the background the band begins to play the Girl From Ipachima.
Rikku (groaning): Eww, elevator music.
Paine (sighing): How lovely.
Scene finished in three takes.
*~*~*
LaBlanc introduces herself scene.
Paine: Who’s there?
???: Amateurs! They have no concept of what it means to be a true sphere hunter.
Yuna, Rikku, and Paine all frown, there is a slight gaff of giggles in the background.
Paine: Um, I think you skipped a few lines.
Leblanc frowns and blinks for a moment, and then realizes what she’s done. She covers her face with her hands.
Leblanc: Oh no!
Crew breaks into laughter.
Same scene, take two.
Paine: Whose there?
Leblanc (hastily): The thief. (Realizes what she has said) Er, I mean, Lathief, um Thie, no. . . Ah crap!
Crew is laughing to the point of tears.
Same scene, take three.
Paine: Whose there?
Leblanc stands there obviously frustrated about something. She places her hand on her forehead and rubs.
Yuna (smiling): You’ve forgotten your lines, haven’t you?”
Leblanc shakes her head, and then groans.
Leblanc: Ah shit!
Crew continues to laugh hard.
Same scene, take twelve.
Same thing happens. Rikku stomps a foot and turns to walk away.
Rikku: This is stupid; I’m going to my trailer.
The crew is laughing themselves into a coma.
Scene finished in fifty-one takes (thirty-five hours behind schedule, first director cheeks himself into a psyche clinic).
*~*~*
The Return to Besaid Island, as Wakka is taking them into the village.
Wakka: So you’re a sphere hunter now… I heard the rumors. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t too worried. Gotta say, though… You, uh, do seem pretty different.
Yuna giggles. Rikku lightly elbows Wakka’s stomach.
Rikku: You haven’t changed a bit, tubby!
Wakka: Whoa! Cut it out, ya! I’m going to be a father soon. Got to have a little more presence, you know?
One of the Islanders (O.S.): Head’s up!
A blitzball soars at the group, and nails Wakka right in his blitzballs. Wakka groans, grabs his gonads and collapses to the ground.
Yuna and Rikku gasp in horror, and bend down over him.
Yuna: Wakka are you all right?
Rikku: Ur so Kut! (Oh my God!).
Wakka (in a very high pitched voice): Well, guess that’s the only kid, I’m gonna have, ya?
The crew laughs as Wakka is helped to his feet.
Scene finished in two takes.
* ~ * ~ *
The scene where they talk to Lucil at Youth League Headquarters.
Rikku: The Thief League?
Lucil (laughing): No, I don’t think anyone would go that far.
An extra sneaks by carrying a sphere under his arms. The crew chuckles and shakes their heads.
Lucil (giggles): Then again I could be wrong.
Scene finished in two takes.
- ~ * ~ *
The discussion scene with Clasko.
Clasko: That’s it. Every time I try something new, I screw it up. I just don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know where I belong. I’ve spent my whole life drifting from one failure to the next. But, I can’t keep doing this forever. I know that there’s a place for everyone in this world-even someone as sad and pathetic as me. Lady
Yuna! I want to find my place! Please, allow me to ride on your airship!
Yuna: The more the merrier!
Clasko: Thank you so much! I’ll find my true calling, you’ll see!
Clasko begins to walk with the girls, and let’s loose a large, high squeaking fart.
Rikku (waving a hand in front of her face): Rumo Cred! (Holy Shit!)
Yuna (trying to restrain a giggle): There’s nothing holy about that!
Paine: I guess that his true calling is from nature.
The three women giggle, along with the crew, Clasko looks like he’s going to die.
Scene finished in one take, the fart is edited out.
* ~ * ~ *
Gippal interviews the girls’ scene.
Gippal: You, uh, here for an interview?
Yuna: Uh-huh.
Gippal: The great high summoner wants an interview?
Yuna: Former summoner.
Gippal: Hm. All right, follow me.
Yuna’s group follows Gippal outside of the temple. Outside, Yuna’s group approaches the bridge where Gippal is.
Gippal: Never been this close to a celebrity before.
Yuna: That’s nice.
Gippal: I could get used to this.
Yuna: Let’s not.
Gippal: Well, if it isn’t Cid’s girl. How you been?
Rikku: Hey, I have a name!
Gippal: Heh. Brother doin’ okay?
Rikku: Same as ever. Buddy’s around, too.
Gippal: Same as ever is right. (looking at Paine) You!
Paine: Paine. Nice to meet you.
Gippal: Uh-huh?
Paine: We’re here for the interview.
Gippal (smiling): Well if that’s what you really want.
Gippal and Paine grab each other and begin making out fast and furious. The crew gasps and then starts to laugh.
Yuna (with a shocked laugh): What the hell?
Gippal takes a break and looks up an embarrassed Yuna and Rikku
Gippal: What? This is how I interview gorgeous young women.
Same scene, take two.
Gippal and Paine do the same thing as before.
Director (O.S.): Cut!!!
Gippal (looking up at him): I’m not stopping.
The crew laughs, everyone goes on a lunch break.
Scene finished in three takes.
* ~ * ~ *
Yuna and the girls meet up with Isaaru at Yunalesca’s chamber scene.
Isaaru reveals himself after the girls call him out. Yuna looks at him and frowns.
Yuna: Um, what are you doing?
Isaaru attempts to say his line, but steps on a monkey’s tail by accident, and slips down the stairs again.
Yuna: Isaaru!
Rikku and Paine: Are you all right?
A crew member rushes toward the stairs and helps the man up. He’s battered and bruised, but he has a smile on his face, and gives the thumb up signal.
Same scene, second take
Yuna: Um, what are you doing?
Isaaru: My job. I bring excitement to those who come to see this sacred place. (A monkey skitters near him as he speaks) I too once traveled with the hope of seeing (the monkey gets a little bit closer to him) this place one day. Working here somehow, (the monkey decides to “attack” and scrambles up his pant leg) WHAT THE FUCK?!
Isaaru is scrambling to get the monkey out of his pants, while the crew laughs and tries to help him out.
Isaaru: I knew she liked me but this is ridiculous! (He kicks his legs to try and dislodge her from his pants)
The crew manages to get the monkey out by removing his pants and getting her attention with a banana.
Same scene, take three
Isaaru: . . . I too once traveled with the (the monkey leaps up at his face, and tries to get down his shirt).
Isaaru (shouting): Oh come on people! (Another monkey hurries toward his leg as the crew laughs their asses off). Hey that’s not a banana! (He tries to carefully take the shirt away from the monkey, but she buries herself further into his shirt).
Director (O.S.): Someone take care of the monkeys’ please!
Same scene, take four
Isaaru: I too traveled with the hope of seeing this place one day, working here somehow fulfils that wish.
Yuna: I see.
Isaaru: I must apologize for the quiz. Here’s something for your trouble.
Yuna received Heart Reborn Garment Grid.
Isaaru: 'Kay! Thanks for coming! And remember, the ruins of Zanarkand will be waiting!
Isaaru left the scene.
Paine: Ex-summoners come in all flavors.
Yuna: (giggles) Apparently Isaaru’s is banana!
The crew and cast scream with laughter.
Isaaru (O.S.): Not funny, Yuna!
The scene if finished in four takes. Isaaru is promised that all monkeys have been taken off of the set and into another room before he will try the scene again.
* ~ * ~ *
The girls find the broken sphere under Zanarkand scene.
Rikku: We done here?
Paine: The sphere oscillo-finder picked up a signal. There should still
be a sphere nearby.
Yuna: Oh.
Rikku: Right.
Paine: Okay, let’s try this again.
Yuna’s group moves on. In the area with a sphere…
Rikku: Aha! Found you!
A shaking can be heard and Guardian Beast appeared.
Paine: We’re not alone.
Rikku: Think we need a password?
Paine: How about “kick…its…ass.”
The Guardian Beast stalks toward them, then pauses and falls down, it’s lower jaw slipping off of its upper one.
Electric crew (O.S.): The Guardian Beast is broken, repeat, the Guardian Beast is broken.
Rikku: Well duh!
Yuna (giggles): Hope you got a good warrantee for it!
Three weeks later, the Guardian Beast is fixed, and the scene is finished on the second take.
* ~ * ~ *
Nooj addresses his followers outside of Kilika scene
Nooj: Greetings, friends! An important sphere is hidden in Kilika Temple. A sphere documenting the true history of Spira. We are here today to demand that New Yevon make the contents of that sphere public. Yet, as always, the voice seeking truth goes ignored. My friends, I ask you: why?
A very small girl in the crowd: Because they’re all stupid, ugly, stinky breath, poopie heads!
The cast and crew look at the small girl and burst into hysterical laughter.
Nooj (laughing): Well, I suppose that’s one way of putting it.
Same scene, take nine.
After eight previous takes no one can control their laughter, and the scene is canceled for the next day.
Same scene, take ten.
Nooj: . . .My friends, I ask you:
At that moment someone let’s loose a massive, earth shattering belch.
Paine (blandly): Cute.
Nooj (trying to continue his dialogue amongst laughter and moans, finally letting the smell get to him): What in the heck crawled down your throat when you were sawing logs last night?
There are a few bits of laughter, and a few moans at his joke.
Scene finished in twelve takes.
Author’s notes: Well, this is part one of a four part series for FF X-2. Each chapter is going to deal with one of the actual chapters of the game. True, there are five chapters in the game, but part four in the game, will be part of part three in my series, because it is so short. Until I have the whole series, I am going to publish this on the forums. Once I have all four parts, I am going to submit it to Weiila the regular story site, so you can have all four parts in one neat package. So go ahead, post and let me know what you think of it.
However, how do you think I can improve on the jokes?