George Bush's Resume for reelection

The Core RPGC Main Forum
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George W. Bush
The White House, USA

Please consider my qualifications for reelection (well, actually,
election for the first time) next year.

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE - LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been “lost”
and is not available.

MILITARY:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a
drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas
Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
Cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business
in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find
any oil in Texas… The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my
stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our right-wing
friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected
governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut
taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father’s
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
Stock Market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost
their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor,
and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S.
History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs
in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President
in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in
the history of the United States government.

I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of
mankind.

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There need to be more spelling and punctation errors.

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Add that he has a silly voice, and I’ll be satisfied.

:ulty: He was a cheerleader? … AUUUGHHHH! THE MENTAL IMAAAAAGE!!!

Ultros, male cheerleaders don’t wear the skirts and stuff.

:ulty: [not hearing] AAAAAAAA!!! [jumps into a spiked pit]

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Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice :smiley:

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Neato.
<BLEEEH!>

6

Wow, I liked that a lot.

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I hope Bush reads it.

Where’d you get it from?

8

I could do better.

9

A toaster could do better.

10

Very nice, shows just why we should vote for him.

However, this seems slightly off.

I don’t believe that the people being held are gettign what the Geneva Convention awards them. They basically have to be kept alive and not used for military purposes. They a so can’t be tortured or put on trial. They mostly can just be kept and used to bargain in a way. However, I don’t believe that they are covered since they are not part of a formal military and there are other specifics. Case in point, if our snipers are ever captured, the Geneva Convetion does not protect them. I don’t that special forces are covered either, like Navy SEALs. So what is happening to the prisoners isn’t really a violation of the Geneva Convention. Their classification is a bit blurry. I think what is happening to them is shit and don’t agree with it, but the Geneva Convention isn’t being violated.

Very, that stuff is right on and it’s sor to liek, “yeah Bush did do that and that, oh i forgot about that.”

11

I need to vote against this bastard next election. Hard finding someone worse.

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My mother is protesting my trip to the meeting this summer because she doesn’t like Bush and thinks I’m somehow supporting him by going there. =P

It’ll be interesting to see what happens in the election. Wouldn’t surprise me if he won again by cheating somehow.

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I’ve got one little problem with that: gas prices. They are not the highest in US history. Once you take inflation into consideration, these prices are moderately low compared with other times. Cost per gallon reached the equivalent of $3 per gallon during the shortage in whenever (sometime in the 80’s?). Higher gasoline prices are a good thing anyway because it will cause people to take measures to reduce consumption and find more effecient means of transport (which usually are more environmentally friendly, and there are too many SUV’s on the road as it is).

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Actually, they have taken inflation into account and have said that these are the highest prices. It has been reported in the news.

15

Glenn Beck said something like this on the radio a few days ago. But I hate him, so I ignored him. To him, it’s either his way or he kicks you off the air.

I’m with Info on this one (although I didn’t keep up about the POWs, so I can’t agree or disagree there).

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:yipee: More reasons to dislike him ^^

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As if we NEEDED any more. I’m just glad I’ll be able to vote by the time the election comes 'round.

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Your vote is meaningless, but good for you.

And as for the oil thing, people won’t use the more fuel efficent methods. No matter what the situation, people refuse to part with their damn SUVs. Come on, folks! You never use the extra room, you destroy nature by driving through it, and you suck up the entire gasoline supply! You’re the greatest destroyers of the environment in human history!

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There’s actually a big tax credit for business owners who buy vehicles weighing more than 6,000 pounds. Like SUVs. Your tax dollars at work. Small business owners save so much money from it that there’s no reason for them to not buy an SUV.