I have not played final fantasy 4 so some things might be wrong
Cecil grieved about the loss of his wife barely noticing his son Paul a 16 year old Wight mage he was friends with Cain’s son a powerful dragoon he was maybe one of the best airship pilots there is not as good as cid’s apprentice cid jr even know he’s only 14.
The three people sat on an air ship going to sleep when boom many bombs started falling from the sky. “Start this thing it’s are only chance to live” said Paul “but but it’s against the rules” muttered cid jr. “I am the prince you must do this for me” said Paul in a demanding voice “okay sire” said cid jr starting up the plane and flying out.
They look down seeing the castle and town in ruins.
“Why are you doing this.” Shouts Rydia seeing what her husband was doing to baron.
“shut up women” shouts her husband “and were not just bombing them were doing Mysdia As well.”
For starters, most everything is longer than three midget paragraphs. Names should be capatilized, questions should have question marks at the end…lots of things wrong with this.
As Crotanks said, it’s better to have played a game that you’re writing about so that you properly know the characters and the world. And you still have those grammatical troubles. But of course, you won’t get better unless you keep practicing. Just try to revise your work with the tips we’ve been giving you.
Cecil and kain ran out totally bruised from head to toe “hey Cecil isn’t that one of are airships,” pointing to the air ship.
“yes it is cid jr,” the last bit he said under his breath. I’m sorry but I’m eleven and Cecil doesn’t like cid jr and this didn’t change his mind okay in the airship their sad Rydia is angry so lets see who’s left are edge okay here is his story.
Edge sat down on his throne his children playing in front of him two male twins who were different in every way apart from they want to beat each other “my sire we have had a message that baron was bombed and they found no survivors should I send the army sire.”
“me and my sons shall go.”
Uhm Kyle, this isn’t very good at all, and I’m not too fond of seeing my favorite final fantasy butchered. I will tell you right now that this isn’t exactly very good, and you ahve to work a lot on spelling, grammar, and well… everything. Give it time. A LOT of time.
Just a quick question here: I don’t mean to be rude, but have you even been taking our advice? I’ve noticed almost no changes in your fics. If you don’t listen to us you’re not going to get any better.
Lengthen your paragraphs, clean up your spelling and grammar, write about games you’ve PLAYED, and most importantly, organize the story and keep it interesting. I really hope you’re actually paying attention to what we’re saying.
Kyle, you make me cry. Please. Play the game first, beat it, and <b>THEN</b> try to write it. And clean up your grammar and spelling. Otherwise I wouldn’t advice you to go further.
Kyle, organizing it into different lines of thought would help. I couldn’t tell whether the middle part in the last post was part of the story or an author narration.
Let him bastardize the thing and just don’t read it. Honestly, in his Pokemon thread, by his second or third update it was clear he’s incapable of taking anything seriously, if he can. There are plenty of other good fics so I see no reason to complain about some three paragraphed works by an 11 year old…
Originally posted by Evangelion Let him bastardize the thing and just don’t read it. Honestly, in his Pokemon thread, by his second or third update it was clear he’s incapable of taking anything seriously, if he can. There are plenty of other good fics so I see no reason to complain about some three paragraphed works by an 11 year old…
It’s all well and good to say that we SHOULD ignore it, but I really don’t think anyone here can. Let’s face it, we want our opinions to be heard, and to help writers improve their skills. So we’ll continue to read the horrible stories in hoping that the horrible writers will come to their senses eventually.
Who knows, by trying to help people here, even if they just pass by, we might be poking somebody into a great writing career. Provided that they’re not RPGDude >_>
Originally posted by Weiila Who knows, by trying to help people here, even if they just pass by, we might be poking somebody into a great writing career. Provided that they’re not RPGDude >_>
And let’s leave that where it is: in the past. I don’t want to start another discussion about him or other people in the past who didn’t listen. They almost make me depressed.
