Hmm, what could they be planning?
Why they’re going to plan what they plan every night…a plan to try to take over the world!
Oh no! You can’t let your head explode! There’s all sorts of important stuff in there! :moogle:
Another great part with lots of important information!
A tag for closing italics seems to have creeped in there after the first paragraph. And there seems to be one missing after ‘stolen Estharian technology’.
I like how observant you’re making ‘Ava’! Despite having ‘turned away’ from him, she’s suspicious enough to keep him at her peripheral vision, and thus notice his ‘relaxing’. She’s going to be quite a difficult puppet to control!
I’m curious if there was any reason ‘Ava’ was chosen in particular? Just idle curiosity on my part. 
It seems that the memory wipe procedure didn’t quite work if she can still instinctually tell that her hair is the wrong colour. Can’t wait to see the complications that arise from that!
Is there a reason she’s physically clumsy? Probably drugs or something from the surgery, I guess…
It’s funny! Galbadia is her homeland, but not her ‘home’. So both of them are right!
Yay for stolen Estharian technology! :yipee:
She looked enough like someone else to no longer look like Rinoa Heartilly to everyone except one man.
Maybe it’s just me, but I found this sentence to be a bit awkward. Perhaps, “She looked different enough to no longer be associated with Rinoa Heartilly. That is, to everyone except one man.” That’s just a suggestion though.
Keane is very smooth. He managed to get out of a tight spot, and steer the conversation back to where he wanted it. It’ll be interesting how his sympathetic feelings towards her play out!
Excellent part! And remember, exploding heads = bad.
Rinoa Heartilly.
The name spun through Ava’s head as she sat in the dark. She turned her head slightly, and waved one hand in front of her face.
Nothing.
They were keeping her underground; that much she could tell. The blackness was absolute, indicating an absolute lack of windows. There was also a camera somewhere in the room, but she had yet to locate where it was.
She could easily have leaned over and flicked on the lamp, but for the moment at least, she preferred the darkness.
If she were truly at home… why didn’t it feel right? The whole mood of the place was wrong. If she placed one hand on the ground she could feel the tremors of the Earth, tortured and groaning.
And then there was the thing around her neck. A collar.
A Slave Collar.
“Not,” Ava said to herself, drawing her knees closer to her chin. She chewed on the fabric of her jeans absentmindedly. “But I can’t remember…” She trailed off.
A fuzzy memory played through her head. In stops and starts, she could see Keane walking towards her, with the silver collar in one hand. The wall beside her was scorched and smoking; brittle stone flaking off as the soldiers brushed by it. She saw herself reach out, with a feeling of… Expectation?
And then, anger, and her arms were pinned to her body. She turned her head to avoid the collar, and hair the color of a raven’s wing flew into her eyes.
Ava wrinkled her forehead, and picked up a piece of her short blond hair, waving it in front of her eyes. Black? Her hair was the furthest thing from black.
The door to her room shuddered, making her jump. Slowly, it swung open, revealing Keane. He looked surprised to see her awake, but she was looking past him at the door.
Smoothly, she swung her legs off the bed and stood beside it, hugging her elbows.
“Why are you keeping me like a prisoner?” She asked him, working her toes into the carpet. “Do you really find it necessary to keep me nine floors underground, and behind a door that’s thick enough to withstand a meteor?”
Keane was taken aback by her directness, and was slightly concerned. No one had told her she was underground… never mind exactly nine floors. He coughed lightly.
“Well R…” Shit. “Ava. Right now Ava,” he rallied from the slip-up, cursing himself. “We were just making sure that you’d be safe if someone tried to um, kidnap you…” He trailed off, realizing how lame the excuse seemed.
The Sorceress raised one silvery eyebrow. The man just wasn’t making any sense.
The air around her felt dry, and devoid of life… Devoid of anything to be precise. As a test, she snapped her fingers together a few times. The result was a good solid click!, but nothing else. She turned once again to Keane, studying the man’s body language. She could feel something running through her blood. It was a familliar feeling, yet at the same time posessed a newness that told her the sensation hadn’t been there all that long. It was the power that Keane was telling her she had. The power she had… inhereted.
She snapped her fingers again. As expected, the sound was the only thing produced from the gesture. She looked at her hand, and then at Keane, who was losing more and more of his composure by the minute.
“If…” she began slowly, working the words through in her mind. “If I have so much ‘power’, Keane,” she stared at him again. “Why is it that I can’t see a sign of it in this room?” Ava let the question hang for a moment. Despite the fact that she admittedly had no idea what was going on, she wasn’t about to be suckered. Some things were simply common sense.
Keane pressed his knuckles to his forehead for a moment, before looking up at the woman standing before him. Physically she was not much of a match for him, nevermind the commander sitting in the corner, but mentally? If he couldn’t control her, he couldn’t control the parts of her he wanted to control. He wished she hadn’t been as smart.
Ava’s body tensed as she witnessed a change in the doctor’s face. She had a feeling she’d pushed the wrong button or pulled the wrong lever finally. At last, maybe, she would find out some of the truth about what was going on here.
Instead, a wave of nausea swept her, so severe that she dropped to her knees. Her face turned pale and she broke out into a cold sweat, coughing into the carpet. Her body never recalled feeling this ill in its entire existence, and Ava threw all of her concentration into simply not throwing up.
She was hauled roughly to her feet then, and nearly lost it.
Does the man want me to vomit on his shoes? She wondered, shutting her eyes. She didn’t know how much longer she could take the sensation. It felt like she had been rolled down a large hill, and then forced to function normally.
Then as suddenly as the feeling began, it ended. Ava sucked in huge breaths of air, and wiped a shaking arm across her forehead to remove the sweat. She looked sidelong at Keane, and a sinking feeling descended upon her. She backed off several paces and sat down on the bed.
“You’re still too smart by half Ava,” Keane stated the cliche in a flat voice, looking down his nose at the Sorceress. “You had a choice, even though you didn’t know about it. You could have shut up and not asked any questions, and we all would have been a big happy family. I guess that’s not the way you work however, so now if you choose not to obey orders, that’s what you’ll have to contend with.”
“Orders?” Ava narrowed her eyes at the man. "What orders?
“You’ll see,” Keane said evasively. She was picking up on things far too quickly for his liking. Disclosing delicate information at this point… No, not a wise decision. Instead of speaking, he grabbed her upper arm and hauled her off the bed.
“Go with him.” Keane ordered her, shoving her roughly towards Commander Tormine. The older man’s grip closed around her bicep like an iron vise, and he dragged her towards the door.
This is wrong!
Ava tripped, and was yanked uncerimoniously back onto her feet.
This is wrong but I don’t know why it would be. What’s happening here?
For the life of her, she couldn’t figure it out. Sure, some things were fitting together in the present, but what of the past? Who was she? Her name, the color of her hair… none of it seemed to fit, but at the same time she could find nothing wrong with the images. Her name… Was it even really her name?
A steel door slid open, and Ava was pulled into an elevator, which shot upwards at an astonishing rate of speed. A little bell sounded not a moment later, and the doors opened again.
Ava blinked and raised a hand to shield her eyes. The light made them sting, and they began to water. Squinting, she took a step forward.
She didn’t think she’d ever been here before, wherever ‘here’ was, but for some reason the Army Base seemed familliar. Maybe it was her home.
“Follow me Ava,” Commander Tormine released her arm finally, but Ava knew she’d be incapacitated within seconds if she tried to make a run for it. Reluctantly, she turned to follow him, chosing temporary subservience over nausea.
~*~
Orbiting the planet at its iciest altitudes, a small Estharian satellite focused its lenses on the Galbadian Military. Finding something of interest, it beeped rapidly and began taking pictures.
Moments later, the visual window closed, but several images were already on their way back to the President’s office.
I think the current goings-on definately merit a big ol’ Dubya Tee Eff. o_O;
Me like 
Things are going straight to hell, and let’s face it, it’s probably the best place for 'em. 
keep it coming!
Beginning of Chapter 3!!!
Laguna had almost given up hope.
He had watched his son suffer for far too long, and been unable to do anything about it. The satellite had been his idea, but since its launch, results had been few and far between. Officials in Esthar had little interest in Galbadia now, after six months had passed. They preferred to use the little device to spy on other nations. In fact, another satellite had recently been launched to join its compatriot in endless rotation about the globe. That one however, was focused on the moon, and was monitoring the development of another space station.
The President set down his coffee, making a face at the oily resdue on the surface of the scalding liquid. He hadn’t touched it. In fact, merely the smell of it was making him ill. He pushed the mug away, slopping its contents onto the polished table. Things just hadn’t been going well as of late. First came the reports of sensitive documents missing from one of Odine’s laboratories, and then sensitive items missing from another…
He sighed and reached for the newspaper, dreading what may have gone wrong overnight. He flipped it over, and then dropped it as if it were in flames. The headlines blared out at him: ‘COMMANDER SQUALL LEONHART INJURED’. And then, in smaller print below that: ‘SEIFER ALMASY IN CUSTODY’.
Laguna scanned the article hurridly. Why hadn’t he heard of this?
Like Squall would ever tell you.
After a moment, the pertinent words jumped out at him, and he relaxed, sinking back into his chair. His son was alright. He was fine. Bad injuries, but he was okay.
He tossed the paper back on the table and stood up, heading for the door. He needed to get ahold of Quistis, or one of the other SeeDs. They were the only ones likely to give him a straight answer about the whole thing, and he wanted to hear more about Seifer.
As he reached for the handle, the door swung open, narrowly missing his nose. He blinked, startled, hand still extended towards the doorknob. The woman standing there looked equally as startled, but thawed to life quickly, not even apologising for nearly breaking his nose. Instead, she grabbed his arm, and waved a manila envelope in his face.
“Mr. President Sir, you have to take a look at this.” The young woman’s excitement was plain, and Laguna waved her inside. She prudently waited for the door to close before she handed him the folder. Laguna didn’t open it right away, but stood for a moment wondering what it was that could have gotten one of his senior Astronomical Advisors in such a spin.
“What is this, Leona?” He asked her, undoing the string that held the envelope shut. The scientist adjusted her glasses with a neatly manicured finger.
“PICKET-1 brought it in not more than ten minutes ago,” she said. Laguna gave her a long, searching look. PICKET stood for "Primary Intelligence CasKET ", which was a rather morbid name for the little satellite sent out to keep an eye on Galbadia. The ‘1’ had been attached after its bretheren had been launched.
“This had better not be some random crap from my Military personnell who insist on using that satellite to look at their neighbour’s wives naked.” His voice was bitter. He was sick of getting his hopes up for nothing. He pulled a small stack of glossy photos out of the envelope. They were slightly blurry, but the layout of the Galbadian Millitary Base was plainly visible. Laguna had studied it several times.
He flipped to the next 8x10, which presented him with a much enlarged view of the area, and two people; a man and a woman. The man he immediately recognised as the Commander of the military. What was his name again? T-something… Tor… Tormine! that was it. Laguna frowned as he looked over the woman. He couldn’t see her face, as her short blond hair was blowing across it, and her back was mainly to the lens. She was wearing jeans and a light colored tanktop, and he could see large marks across her shoulders. Bruises? He wondered, and placed the photograph on the table, turning to the next one.
This time he could see the corner of her face. She was turned, looking at the Commander, who had a beefy hand wrapped around her arm. She was very young… Laguna squinted. The marks on her shoulders… He still couldn’t tell what they were, though there was some sort of an apparent pattern to them. A tattoo maybe? He flipped to the next picture.
This one afforded the best view of the girl as she turned to follow the Commander, fair hair blowing back from her face. She was quite pretty; but she looked the worse for wear, and her shoulders were slumped. He placed the photograph beside the others and turned to Leona.
“She could be anyone. What’s so remarkable about her?” He asked, refusing to get his hopes up.
“Well, Sir,” Leona began. “There are two things. One small, one not so small. The first is, she appears to be the only person in that base not in military uniform. Not a big deal but… Also PICKET noticed something rather odd. The camp is operating under a sort of… Fragmenter. I can’t say exactly what it is, but there isn’t a hint of magic in the base, and you know as well as I do that half their infantry is more than capable in the art.” She stopped, but Laguna simply looked at her, and she decided to press on. “Sir, what better way to control a Sorceress than to disable her power?”
Laguna blinked, then rapidly scooped up the pictures and tapped them into a neat pile. He sopke rapidly as he slid them back into their envelope.
“Leona, I don’t care who tells you different, but under a direct order from myself that Satellite is to be used for nothing, and I repeat nothing else other than monitoring that base. I want all the information on it I can have, and all the information on that girl there is to be had. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a phonecall to make.”
Whee! Two new parts to comment on!
In the earlier one, you have Ava reasoning that she’s underground and you use the word ‘absolute’ twice. I’d suggest replacing one of them with ‘complete’ or something similar to avoid repetition.
I love how Ava mumbles incomplete thoughts out loud. It really shows the turmoil she’s in struggling to reach the surface.
Nice flashback with remembering her hair colour, even if she doesn’t believe it yet.
If Ava’s ability to extrapolate exactly how many floors underground she’s being kept in is any indication, her sorceress powers don’t appear to be completely supporessed. That could definitely prove useful in the future.
Hmmm… the Galbadian’s probably would have been wiser to rename Rinoa something that started with ‘r’ or only have people who didn’t know her real name come into direct contact with her. But no-one said the Galbadian’s were wise. ^_~ I wonder if Ava caught the slip?
Slight typo when Ava’s testing to see if she can reach her powers. Inhereted=Inherited.
I’m a bit confused by the ending of that scene. Didn’t Keane explain in an earlier part that they had to suppress her powers because someone had tried to control/manipulate her? Why couldn’t he have used that excuse again? It was interesting to see what else the collar did besides suppress her powers, but it seems to me that Keane gave up a pretty big advantage.
Ava’s confusion also doesn’t make sense to me. She’s pretty much been shown that the people who were ‘looking out for her’ aren’t there for her best interests as they’ve just threatened her, so she should know precisely what’s wrong. It is good to see her questioning the information she has been given now that she knows that her ‘allies’ are less than trustworthy.
Any chapter that opens with Laguna gets a thumbs up from me! :yipee:
It’s good to see how Esthar is taking current events. And also to see how the relationship between Laguna and Squall has developed in this world. It’ll be interesting to see Squall’s p.o.v. on it.
I really think you did extremely well in characterizing Laguna. I just loved all the little nuances that show his personality!
Nice acronym for the satellites! And it’s awesome to see so much progress in their search!
I’m getting the feeling that it’s going to be Laguna to put all the pieces together and realize that Ava is Rinoa. After all, Rinoa is Julia’s daughter, so he would have had his own interest in her, even if just idle curiosity. Combined with knowing what’s been stolen and what it does, it’s quite likely that he’d recognize her the easiest. Unless of course, he lets Squall in on what’s been stolen.
It’ll be interesting to see how things turn out.
A light blinked on the phone, illuminating the dim office in brief flashes. The commander narrowed his eyes. He had specifically asked not to be disturbed. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away… Or at least his secretary would get the hint.
The light continued to blink, and Squall tapped his fingers on the polished surface of his desk. In truth, he didn’t have a legitimate reason to ignore the phone, or the day-to-day duties involved in the running of Garden. He didn’t have a legitimate reason. In other words, he just didn’t want to bother. Not like his position was all that important anyway. He was more… symbolic now. The headmaster’s voice had been absolutely dripping with sympathy as he had informed Squall that nothing strenuous would be required of him for some time, until he had recovered from the… shock.
Some time. It had been some time, and he was still a simple figurehead. Cid, Xu… The other A-Rank SeeDs… They did a marvelous job of running the Godforsaken place without him. The questions was… did he care? Or did he like it better that way?
Squall leaned forward, grinding the heels of his hands into his forehead. The damn light on the damn phone was still blinking.
He regarded it narrowly out of the corner of one cloudy blue eye for a moment, then grunted in disgust, snatching the reciever off the desk.
“What!” He snapped. He could almost see his secretary cringing on the other end, but when she spoke, it was all in a rush.
“Squall, there’s a really important phonecall for you.” Her voice was slightly agitated now. Squall frowned into the phone.
“Well, who is it?” He was still annoyed, however it wasn’t like her to be… unprofessional. The girl had put up with his temper long enough now that she hardly batted an eyelash at the occasional crash of electronic devices against the floor. He was hard pressed to come up with a name that would actually rattle her.
Instead of answering, there was a click and a moment of silence, before he heard the beeping that told him he was being connected through a secure line. He compressed his lips and stared moodily at the door. Fine, if she wasn’t going to tell him, he’d just find out when whoever it was answered on the other end. Not like he had much choice now.
A mechanical voice cut in, asking him to enter a five digit code. The Commander punched in the numbers viciously, taking out his frustration on the keypad. The seconds ticked by as he was cleared through another satellite. Despite his anger, the young man was becoming increasingly curious. It had been awhile since he’d had something this exciting happen…
He shook his head. Yes, exciting. A phonecall. Nice one Leonhart, try to stay calm. He rolled his eyes.
Finally the phone emitted a simple, normal ringing noise. A heartbeat later he heard it click again, and a voice he hadn’t heard in quite some time spoke.
“Squall?” Laguna sounded so distant… A disembodied voice from half-way around the globe. Squall was silent for a moment… and then…
“What.” Not a question, simply a statement. Talking with Laguna was possibly the last thing on his list of Things Squall Wants To Do. He sighed, expecting a mumbled, half-hesitating, ridiculous response. Instead, what he got was an unusually fast and simple reply.
“Squall I’m going to send you over some pictures that PICKET brought in. I’d like you to take a look at them and get back to me.”
Squall’s spine stiffened as he bridled under the implied command. Who the Hell is he to think he can order me around?
He opened his mouth to say just that, but there was yet another clicking noise, and the line went dead. Squall stood up and slammed the reciever down on the marble top of his desk, cracking the plastic. Fantastic. Aynya would be after him for murdering another telephone. But still, who the Hell did Laguna think he was?
Not like he’s the president of a country or anything.
“He hung up on me! The bastard actually hung up on me!” The commander’s mouth twitched slightly. Still it had been the fastest and most coherent bit of information he had ever gotten from the older man. He wondered if Laguna had practiced in front of a mirror before calling him.
Another machine in the corner started blinking, and with a sigh, Squall flicked on the lights in his office. As if on cue, there was a light knock at the door, and Aynya’s voice came through the panels, slightly muffled.
“Squall? Sir, shall I get you a new telephone?” She sounded only slightly resigned. He wondered how she always knew exactly what piece of office furniture it was he had destroyed.
He grunted in assent, and then turned his attention to the images coming through.
They were remarkably clear, though they had lost some detail in transmission. The first one he glanced at, and then tossed on the desk, trying to quell the surge of adrenaline that his heart dumped into his veins. It was the Galbadian military base. It must have something to do with… Rinoa
You forgot a period on the last sentance.
Nicely done, as usual, yadda yadda yadda, keep it up, etc etc. You know the drill by now.
I like how Squall’s characterized in this part a lot more than I did earlier! Those poor telephones! My only complaint would be that while I can see him being apathetic, I’d still see him as doing his job with precision. But that’s just a personal opinion.
I loved how Laguna reacted on the phone. I expect he had to keep it short and to the point so that he wouldn’t risk flubbing it up somehow. And hey, it worked!
Nothing much to say about this one except I liked it!
MUAHAHAHA I’m baaaack…
Quistis walked slowly along the richly carpeted hallway, considering.
Sure, we’ll probably die before age 25, but we don’t have it all bad here. Fantastic carpets.
She shook her head, clearing a few loose strands of flaxen hair from her glasses. It was true. Things weren’t all that bad inside Garden. They had great food, large private apartments, access to almost every kind of vehicle on the planet… Not to mention a world-class travel plan. What they also had was cutting edge medical technology to aid them in avoiding an unusually early death. Say, somewhere around nineteen years of age.
She continued down the hall and turned left, removing her glasses and looking up at the retinal scanner mounted above the door. The blue beam swept her face from top to bottom and shut off. A moment later, a mechanical click sounded, and the door swung ponderously open. She continued down the new hallway. This one wasn’t so finely furnished, and the razor edge of her heels tapped out a lonely cadence on the concrete floor.
A SeeD at 15. She was one of the youngest ever enrolled, and as a consequence had a Kill Record longer than she was tall. The yellow lights hummed noisily behind their steel cages. She continued walking, reaching yet another door. This one required a pass-code that was rotated every hour. She checked her watch and tapped in the appropriate numbers on the blue keypad. Again, the momentary wait.
She stepped through as the door opened, and was greeted by one of the younger SeeDs. She merely nodded and looked at the chart, then turned and walked into the cell block.
The tap of her heeled boots probably gave her away, for his face was expressionless as he looked out through the bars at her. She stared back, masking her thoughts behind clear blue eyes.
“A skill that every SeeD must posess, is that it?”
The playful voice in her head mocked her, and she turned her head slightly to the left, as if expecting the younger girl to materialize behind her. Of course, there was no one there. There never would be again.
She turned back to the blond man, considering.
“Does it ever feel to you, that the whole world’s gone wrong, and you’re the only sane one left?” Quistis blurted out, surprising herself. She certainly hadn’t meant to say that. “I mean…” She faltered, losing her composure. “I mean… Oh,” she sighed and tilted her head to one side to hide the delicate pink that flooded across her face. “I’m sure you do.” She finished lamely.
Seifer looked a trifle taken aback, and ran a hand through his short hair, messing it up. A half smile appeared at the corner of his mouth and he stood up, walking to the front of the cell. He was easily able to look down at her, even in those fascinating heels. He eyed her up and down.
“Instructor,” he began, taking pleasure in watching her flinch at the title. “That is a delicious outfit you have there. I was beginning to think you had only one set of clothing.” One sandy eyebrow flicked up.
Quistis took a step back and tilted her chin up, raising one finely contoured eyebrow of her own.
“I wasn’t aware that you had been watching me so closely Seifer. Though surely you must know that it’s tough to pack in the field. Oh wait, no, you wouldn’t know that…”
The young man’s face hardened for a second. It was true though… He never had the chance to know. He sighed then, and hunkered down to look Quistis straight in the eye.
“What do you want?” He asked, enunciating very clearly. Quistis pursed her lips.
“You never answered my first question. The one I didn’t mean to ask.”
Seifer shrugged and looked irritated, then pushed himself away from the cold metal bars and walked slowly to the bench at the back of the cell. He’d gotten bigger since she’d seen him last, Quistis thought to herself. She watched him convertly from beneath lowered lashes as he paced slowly back and forth. Not so much taller, but he’d filled out nicely. She shook her head slightly, dislodging the thoughts from her head.
No my girl, you cannot be attracted to that man over there.
“What?” Seifer gave her a funny look as he caught the slight movement out of the corner of his eye.
“Nothing.” Quistis answered, smooth facade once more in place. “Do you have an answer for me yet?”
Seifer leaned against the wall, considering. Finally, he took a deep breath.
“Yeah. Sometimes.” The words came out clipped and short, forced through unwilling lips. “But that’s not what’s going to get me out of here, is it.”
Quistis gave him a hard look, but it seemed that for once his words were the simple truth. Her face softened a little, and she turned to him.
“No, they wont. But that’s what I’m here to try and do.”
Squall’s eyes burned from the smoke in the room, but still he poured over the pictures with an intensity he hadn’t felt since… since…
Since that very first kiss… and every other touch afterwards. You know how you’ve ached for her… for so long now.
He stared at the photo of the girl in front of him. At first glance there was no resemblance to the woman who had walked away with his heart. She was blonde, and had short, choppy hair. She wore a white tank top and a low slung pair of jeans. She was on the thin side…
Squall’s brain went automatically through the process of cataloguing her features one more time, cementing them into his consciousness.
True, it didn’t really look like her, but then again, these weren’t really the best photographs. Digital imagery had only come so far, and the photographs were nearly overhead.
He leaned back, sinking into the rich leather of his seat and kicked off his shoes. One large hand rose and fell, covering his eyes.
A girl with Raven hair and chocolate eyes. A girl who could see right through him. A girl whose simple touch was so intoxicating he would never need to drink again… And now she’s gone, and I let it happen.
He sat up for a moment, and then slumped again under the weight of his emotions. His thick hair fell over his tortured eyes as his head dropped into his hands.
[i]“Do you like it?” Her voice was hopeful.
“I think it looks great. I love it…” The small catch in his voice. She looked at him, those beautiful, luminous eyes of hers.
“Good, I’m glad. I was worried…” She trailed off, not looking at him. He turned her face towards him gently.
“Rin, you have nothing to worry about with me. Ever. I… Promise.” The echo of earlier promises… Promises kept. Again, those eyes that could see into his soul, black as it was.[/i]
The girl in the military base… could it possibly be her? Hair can be cut, and colored differently, but bone structure, attitude, tiny nuances of the flesh… Those would remain. He sighed and heaved himself upright, groping for his shoes. He had better get himself back to his room before Aynya came in at seven and discovered him asleep in that damned comfortable chair.
He slipped out of the office and into the dim hallways. Out the open windows he could see the rest of Garden laid out, and the Balamb city lights pulsing in the distance. It reminded him of the time Quistis had dragged him out to the training area in the middle of the night. Funny… that seemed so long ago, though it had been less than a year. He had undergone a complete transformation since then it seemed… and yet now he was right back to where he started; alone and aloof.
A breeze pushed the hair off his face, and following an impulse he didn’t stop to question, he walked to the window and unlatched the door, pushing it open.
The stars flooded the night sky with a brilliance that put the city lights to shame, and a cool wind toyed with the trees below. He breathed in a sigh of relief, which reminded him. Fiddling with his jacket pocket, he pulled out a chased silver case and flipped it open.
Once more Leonhart you’re unable to resist the temptation to bring upon yourself an early death.
“Squall.” The voice held only a slight tone of disappointment.
The commander jumped like a rabbit and spun around to see Quistis standing, arms by her side. She gave him a sad smile, then walked over to join him by the railing.
“Why are you up so late?” She asked him, not really expecting a real answer. She could see the end of the cigarette glow red as he inhaled.
“I’ve been… looking at some things.” He answered evasively, not looking at her. “What are you doing up so late?”
Quistis traced one of the inlaid designs on the balcony railing with a fingernail and sighed.
“I’ve been in the ‘brig’ with you-know-who.” She answered him, turning to look into his eyes. “Do you know what’s going to happen to him?” This was a rhetorical question, and it came off her tongue sharper than she had intended. Squall’s mouth tightened and he stared at her.
“I know exactly what’s going to happen to him. What exactly do you want me to do about it? He attacked me, Quistis. Not like I could change anything around this fucking place even if I wanted to.” His voice became bitter, and he spat his words out with a cloud of smoke.
“Fine. Do you think he deserves that… that…” She couldn’t bring herself to call it a punishment. “I mean…” She was cut off before she could finish her sentence. Without her noticing it, Squall had somehow stepped right in front of her and was staring at her, stormy blue eyes not blinking.
“I’ve sent a hundred SeeDs to die at my command, and you’re asking me if I care about the life of one… one fuckup who not only nearly cost me the thing I held dearest to my heart, but tried to kill me as well? Should I care about him?”
Quistis blinked. She was shocked that he’d even shown any emotion, nevermind spilled some on the polished floor in front of her.
“Squall…” She reached out, but froze as he turned his gaze on her again. The anger in his eyes has congealed into ice, and he glared stonily at her for a moment before pitching his cigarette over the side of the railing.
“Don’t touch me.” He said flatly. Then he turned and stalked away, leaving the young woman looking sadly after him.
Nice to see you updating again.
Do you ever plan on finnishing your other one? I liked where that one was going.
(On an off-topic note…try to get on AIM a bit more often. I enjoy chatting with you very much.)
Woot! It’s great to see more of this story again!
I gotta say, you really pulled me into the new parts, when one of the first lines was:
Sure, we’ll probably die before age 25, but we don’t have it all bad here. Fantastic carpets.
I thought it was perfect!
Why would the retinal scanner scan her entire face instead of just her eye? Wouldn’t that just waste energy?
It’s cool to have Quistis’ thoughts on the past/statistics interspersed by the various security features. It shows how her thoughts are disrupted.
I’m assuming the ‘younger girl’ is Rinoa?
You seem to have a good handle on Quistis’ character. I like how she starts off fumbling, because she was really should have spent her time preparing for the confrontation rather than wallowing in her thoughts, but once she gets her focus back she can give as good as she gets.
“You never answered my first question. The one I didn’t mean to ask.”
I can’t see Quistis adding the second part there. By this time she’s focused, and she would know better to give any sign of weakness. Admitting that she made a mistake, no matter how obvious it is, would be part of that.
I’m not quite sure how I feel about Quistis being attracted to Seifer, but I guess I’ll have to see how it plays out before I pass judgement.
“No, they wont. But that’s what I’m here to try and do.”
Should be "No, it won’t.
Squall’s acting a bit sappy, but I guess it’s allowed in the privacy of his own thoughts. He’s also kinda sappy in the flashback with Rinoa, but since I’m not sure how far along they were in their relationship then, it’s hard for me to judge. It does seem a bit OOC to me.
You capitalized ‘raven’ when describing Rinoa’s hair colour. It should be lower case.
It’s been less than a year since the their mission started? So there was the mission, the relationship, the death, and now the mourning, all in less than a year? I’d suggest lengthening the time a bit, because it seems a lot to have happened, and a very short time for Squall to have changed so radically.
Considering the survival statistics for SeeD, I doubt Squall has to worry about dying from smoking, and he probably knows that. I guess he’s just making sure in case he’s one of the ‘lucky’ ones. Poor Squall…
I’m not quite sure what Seifer’s punishment is going to be, so it’s hard to comment on it. But, they’re mercenaries. Surely they’re targeted by rival mercenary groups all the time. And they’re attack on missions as well. What makes this case so different? (Besides it being Seifer, of course…)
Typo! The anger in his eyes has congealed into ice,… ‘Had’ instead of ‘has’. Otherwise, it’s a tense error as well.
Interesting developments with the Quistis/Seifer scene! I think we’re going to disagree a lot on Squall’s characterization in this one, though. No biggie. Just differences of opinion, I guess. I look forward to seeing what’s going to happen next!
(And I second GG Crono’s question about the other one. I quite liked it! Not pushing, just curious if you think you’re going to continue it in the near future or not…)
This is very good.I’m glad to see you’re updating this. I love cloak and dagger/conspiracy stories.
In addition to other criticisms, I only found one. Where you described Quistis "She watched him convertly from beneath lowered lashes " I think you meant ‘covertly’.
Hey hey… answer time!
Ok here goes…
“Why would the retinal scanner scan her entire face instead of just her eye? Wouldn’t that just waste energy?”
–What I meant to do there was have just the excess light washing over her face.
It’s cool to have Quistis’ thoughts on the past/statistics interspersed by the various security features. It shows how her thoughts are disrupted.
–Oh they are. =)
I’m assuming the ‘younger girl’ is Rinoa?
–Very much so. Barely younger, but younger nontheless.
“You never answered my first question. The one I didn’t mean to ask.”
I can’t see Quistis adding the second part there. By this time she’s focused, and she would know better to give any sign of weakness. Admitting that she made a mistake, no matter how obvious it is, would be part of that.
–The weakness is still there because of Seifer. She’s trying to hide it but she’d deadly curious as to his answer as well.
I’m not quite sure how I feel about Quistis being attracted to Seifer, but I guess I’ll have to see how it plays out before I pass judgement.
–I thought I would be too. I actually don’t know how it’s going to play out yet. They haven’t told me.
“No, they wont. But that’s what I’m here to try and do.”
Should be "No, it won’t.
–Thanks
Squall’s acting a bit sappy, but I guess it’s allowed in the privacy of his own thoughts. He’s also kinda sappy in the flashback with Rinoa, but since I’m not sure how far along they were in their relationship then, it’s hard for me to judge. It does seem a bit OOC to me.
–A little. He thinks he can be a bit sappy in his own thoughts. You’ll never catch him saying any of that out loud though.
You capitalized ‘raven’ when describing Rinoa’s hair colour. It should be lower case.
–Thanks
It’s been less than a year since the their mission started? So there was the mission, the relationship, the death, and now the mourning, all in less than a year? I’d suggest lengthening the time a bit, because it seems a lot to have happened, and a very short time for Squall to have changed so radically.
–I screwed my dates there. It should be more like two-three years. That also accounts for the bit of sappiness.
Considering the survival statistics for SeeD, I doubt Squall has to worry about dying from smoking, and he probably knows that. I guess he’s just making sure in case he’s one of the ‘lucky’ ones. Poor Squall…
–I think I should change ‘early’ to ‘earlier’ and tie it in qith Quistis’ thoughts.
I’m not quite sure what Seifer’s punishment is going to be, so it’s hard to comment on it. But, they’re mercenaries. Surely they’re targeted by rival mercenary groups all the time. And they’re attack on missions as well. What makes this case so different? (Besides it being Seifer, of course…)
–Well it’s that it’s Seifer and he went after the commander ‘unprovoked’. There are some who want lenience and some who… don’t.
Typo! The anger in his eyes has congealed into ice,… ‘Had’ instead of ‘has’. Otherwise, it’s a tense error as well.
–Thanks again =)
As to whether or not I’m going to continue on with the other one… I probably will. I tend to write as I feel like it and I’m not in the frame of mind for the other one. I have my hands full with Ava right now. I’ll finish it, I just can’t say when unfortunately.
"In addition to other criticisms, I only found one. Where you described Quistis “She watched him convertly from beneath lowered lashes " I think you meant ‘covertly’.”
–I did. I’m just getting used to typing on a laptop, so my typos have taken a turn for the worse…
Thanks guys! Keep readin’…
-L
The anger that had been festering inside her body every day since the little rat had pulled that trick with the collar blew up.
She shrieked and ducked as a razor-sharp piece of metal winged over her head and embedded itself into the wall. All around her the yard was turned to chaos as the wind howled in a funnel around her body. Flickers of light danced off the tips of her fingers and the static electricity caused her hair to raise off her head. Then, the earth in front of her simply… ceased to be. A roar of thunder made her clamp her hands to her ears, and dirt rained down upon her, coating her in a fine dust.
Alarms wailed in the distance and she could already hear the thud of many pairs of boots hitting the ground. She knew she would be in trouble for this, but she didn’t really care. For the first time in weeks, she felt good.
“Ava!” The call came out. It was scientist-boy. “Ava how the hell did you do that?” He reached her side and yanked her onto her feet with more power than could be attributed to his small frame.
She coughed and waved the dust away from her face before turning to answer him.
“I just did.” Her voice was flat.
She had a routine now. They asked, she answered truthfully. It was unlikely that they actually got anything useful out of the short, monotone replies, but she couldn’t get in trouble for not answering that way. She never showed any emotion around them. They were like rats. If they smelled anything, they were on you in seconds.
“How do you feel?” Keane asked her, dusting off the back of her shirt.
She regarded him for a moment. He was acting very nervous… twitchy even. Very unusual. The commotion in the background dimmed as she studied him. And then…
“Oho…” She said, understanding. “I get it.” She gave him a nasty grin, teeth showing surprisingly white in the filth that covered her face. “Uh oh. Your little force-field wont work on me anymore will it?”
Keane stared at her, but she could see his thoughts frantically trying to work themselves into something coherent.
“I thought not. Well,” the grin got wider, and her eyes became more calculating. “In that case, I feel fantastic”.
So slowly he didn’t even realize it was happening, her right hand rose from its resting place and circled itself around his neck, squeezing the exact same area that the collar rested on hers. Her fingers pressed on the large veins that carried the life through his body, and spots swam in his vision. Ava felt the cyclops eyes of several large guns aimed at her back, but she didn’t care. They would never shoot her. For some reason, she was too important to them. What she wanted to know was why.
“Doctor.” Her voice was cool and controlled, but the muscle in her arm stood out as she held him. “You know as well as I that I could kill you before you had a chance to press whatever button it is that controls this filthy device. You also know that all those people standing behind me won’t kill me. Now, I’d like to know what the hell is going on. Please.” She added as an afterthought.
Keane weighed his options. She seemed content to keep him there for as long as it took to pry the information out of him, and on top of that, she’d been right in everything she’d said. He wasn’t particularly concerned with her threats of strangulation however. It was more her mental strength that worried him. In the days since her reawakening, the Sorceress Ava had become stronger and stronger every day. Keeping an entire military base magically supressed was beginning to wear thin, but he’d bet his life that the supressor had been running at full-strength all day.
[i]And she shattered it like a window. Damn I’ll bet half the country heard that one.
Those uncanny eyes were still fixed on him, but she looked almost bored.
She looks like a cat with a mouse that’s almost dead… and all she has to do is wait.[/i]
“Alright… Ava,” Keane wheezed, attempting to pull away from her. “Let me go. I swear I’ll take you inside and tell you what’s going on. All of it,” he added, seeing her mouth open.
The woman didn’t blink, but her expression altered slightly. She was intrigued now. No threats, no nasty collar… nothing. She must be more important than she originally thought. She allowed herself a mental smile; a lazy and langorous one. Then slowly and reluctantly she released her grip on the doctor. Her fingers slipped free with a crackle of electricity, as a delicate reminder of his new position in the scheme of things.
Immediately Keane grabbed her bicep and yanked her unceremoneously towards one of the bunkers. The guards followed for a moment, but he dismissed them with a wave. He didn’t speak for a long while as they walked, through door after door, and finally into a sparse-looking room. He pointed to a metal chair, and sat carefully in the one opposite, gathering his thoughts. When he looked up again, Ava was still standing there.
“I’m not sitting in that for the duration of a lengthy conversation.” The words slid out of her mouth like silk, only she didn’t recall planning to say them. Keane looked up sharply, studying her. She may have been a spoiled, sarcastic pain, but she’d never outright refused him. He tried again.
“Sit down.” This time it was a command.
Ava’s spine stiffened and her eyes hardened. She looked down her nose at him.
“I will not. Bring me a proper…” she trailed off in mid sentence, and the color drained from her face. She felt cold and clammy, and the back of her head began to pound. Keane stood up and took two steps toward her.
“Ava…? Ava!” He dove forward to catch her as her body crumpled to the floor.
Okay! The time-thing makes much more sense now. And it certainly explains how Squall could have changed so much!
Wow! Rinoa/Ava must be really powerful! Definitely don’t want to make her angry! She seems a lot more twisted than Rinoa ever was though. There’s definitely a darkness to her. It’ll be interesting to see how that plays out.
I’m a bit surprised that she didn’t try to escape while she had the upper hand, but I guess that she wouldn’t know where to go. A better to stay with the evil you know-type situation.
Hmmm… Keane doesn’t seem to know what happened to her at the end there, so I’m assuming it’s not something he did. I can’t wait to see what happened there!
Nice section!
I’m going on vacation for a week starting tomorrow so I’ll have some more to post when I get back. Take care =)