Do they finish last?

Just give them some time to mature and learn.
They’ll get into nice guys quickly enough.

I am a ‘nice guy’ and my social successes have been relatively few thus far, although they have increased in number recently, since I am becoming better at withstanding failure and having more socially-outgoing demeanour. In spite of that, my ‘nice-guy’ personality has not really hindered attracting women; on the contrary, it has helped it. The problem has been my shyness: I have had many chances to find a romantic relationship, but I have failed, not because my personality turned her off, but because I have had a hard time initiating anything beyond flirtation. Of course, I have been described more often as ‘gallant’ and ‘romantic’ than ‘nice’, so perhaps I do not truly fit the ‘nice guy’ category, depending on demarcation.

I guess that one might deem that I have been finishing last or towards the end, but that does not bother me; being nice and courteous is part of who I am, and part of the chivalric ideal by which I try to live my life. In the end, I would rather be myself than finish sooner.

Being nice isn’t bad, but it’s not enough to be overwhelmingly attractive. You need to be funny, or have a lot of nerve, or something else to distinguish you from other nice people.

Xwing1056

That’s exactly what I noticed as well. And a shy and introverted behavior is, naturally, often mistaken for coldness/unapproachableness.

As Sin said, self-confidence is a very important trait. I think this is the reason why it often seems like girls fall for assholes, since self-confidence can often seem very similar to someone who is proud, obnoxious, and elitist.

I used to think no, not at all, but nowadays, since I’m a bit older [and unfortunately wiser], I’m inclined to agree with you.

Life can really sour a man’s perspective, can’t it?

I haven’t finished last.

But of course, I’m from Canada, and everything’s backwards up here.

You’re not a nice guy, Xelo. You’re a perverted asshole.

you know if being a nice guy dosent work why dont you try what i do.

make everyone think your nieve and sincere. it attracks woman like crazy. :moogle:

IRL I’m a pretty nice guy. I take out most of my angst online.

Girls do love the assholes.

No, actually; wit, outgoingness, eloquence is what attracts (personalty-wise, anyway). You must be pretty boring (at least when compared with the “assholes”, anyway)

Very much truth, so very, very true. You can be nice, but you also need to be warm. It’s possible to be outgoing and warm to people, but still hang back and be a gentleman to them (in other words, nice). It’s just really complicated. See, because “niceness” to most people often means that, they don’t want to hit on a girl if they think she won’t appreciate it, or something. The secret, though, is that any girl who is worth your while will always appreciate people complimenting them on a physical, or emotional, or whatever level. There is no nice girl in the world who won’t feel happy if you tell them how pretty their eyes are, no matter who you are. You could be stuttering, pimply, unstylish and everything, but if you say a girl has pretty eyes, or you give her flowers and say you think she’s really pretty…she’s going to be happy. This doesn’t mean you’ll “get” her, it doesn’t mean that she wants to go out with you. But neither will it mean that she’ll hate you for it. Likely as not, you’ll have gained a new friend, even if she doesn’t want to go out with you. And this is hard, but you have to come to feel each friend is JUST as important as your (nonexistant) girlfriend, despite the fact that there are many of them, but only one girlfriend. I think lots of guys have this throwaway attitude towards their friends, which frankly, is not right. You oughtta love each one of your friends just as much as you love your (hypothetical) girl. And if you do this enough, when you truly feel it (when her eyes/hair are truly beautiful, when she’s gorgeous and you truly want to give her flowers), hey, who knows. You might get lucky. I believe it happens, in any case. You just need to be open to that love all the time, and crazy enough (all the way through!) to think your utterly crazy plans will end happily each time. And if it doesn’t end happily, if she slaps you when you give her the flowers and tears them up in front of your face and stomps on them and calls you a lovesick little boy and walks off laughing…trust me. She is 100% the hateful bitch who doesn’t deserve your unique gifts, and you are still wonderful. You need to convince yourself of this. I don’t think that actually happens a lot, but I know I worry about it a lot, lol. :stuck_out_tongue:

I mean, to assume that meanness itself attracts most girls is to be pretty, uh, disrespectful to the female sex. That being said, I think meanness might attract a lot of people (guys and girls), because I think a lot of people are pretty immoral, but there are also many people who are genuinely nice.

Peopel have this misconception that being nice means you ‘finish last.’ I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not racing :stuck_out_tongue: It’s really one’s shyness that holds you back. Cos, being shy, especially when you’re trying to be social and you come off as timid and shy, means (to who you’re talking to) that you’re not confident enough about yourself to act like yourself. And, if you think you have to act different to get someone to like you, you must be either a really docile person, or just really damn boring; neither of which are good qualities, especially in relationships. So really, it’s just about overcoming shyness.

Angsty thread…

No, nice guys don’t finish last, at least in my experience anyway. I’ve always been a firm believer in karma and that you do get repaid for your kindness in one way or another. In high school, sure, I almost always get the worst thrown at me because I was nice. Now I’m in college though I’m nice to everyone and I’m one of the most popular guys there because they know they can respect me and I won’t do them any wrong.

However, you’re making this more black and white than it actually is. Sometimes you do need to be an asshole to be a nice guy, it just depends on the situation. Some girls do prefer assholes and then some prefer nice guys, it just depends on the girl.

Just take solice in the fact that nice guys are always the ones that end up feeling the most satisfied at the end of it all. We’re the ones that have been put through the toughest but have ended up coming right out of it taking experience from it and bettering ourselves. We’re the ones that’ll find the most fulfilling relationships and jobs and be respected. Sure assholes might get really well-paying jobs with fast cars but their lives are nowhere near as fulfilling as ours.

But this is just my opinion, don’t have to agree with it, it’s just here.

I’ll just not agree with it, because I can. (I actually do though :stuck_out_tongue: )

I have a difficulty in approaching people, which is why I have not had a lot of girlfriends in my life, as well as few friend friends. My friend Leah said that the best way to get a girl interested in you is to say something like “that shirt brings out your eyes” or whatever but shit- I don’t know when a shirt brings out someone’s eyes! I’m just like “damn, those are nice eyes!” =p

To comment on what Maz was saying, that’s an ideal situation. Often times what’ll happen is the girl will be turned off at you doing that and she won’t want you pursuing her if she’s not interested and she might break off communication with you in order to not lead you, which might enhance your feelings of rejection.

Girls like being treated like shit :D~~