I know it’s been a LONG time since an update, but I’m drained right now. I’m freaking about a seemingly impossible assignment, have three papers due in the next few weeks, and still have to finish reading Dracula in two days. (And I’m not even within a fourth of the way through.) So, in short, I’ll try again tomorrow. Sorry.
The guards quickly closed in, weapons raised and aimed. The three looked around for some avenue of escape, but saw none. “…So, do we have a plan B?” asked Mabat.
“Just one,” said kiro. She pointed behind the apporaching guards. “Look! A two-faced monkey disco-hawk!”
To the embarrasment of the human race, the guards quickly turned in glad surprise…and saw, sure enough, a two-faced monkey disco hawk, a creature that defies description, fluttering about. Even worse, the guards all dropped their weapons and pulled out birdwatching cameras, completely ignoring their former enemies. The Task Force members were stunned at the sheer stupidity of the coincidences.
“…I don’t know what’s sadder,” said Beckons. “The fact that it worked, or the fact that there really IS a two-faced monkey disco-hawk.” Rather than dwell on the philosophical aspects of their dilemma, however, the three quickly went to running down the halls, desperately searching for some kind of clue as to the hostages’ locations. Finally, they saw a suspiciously labelled door, “NOT Highly Illegal Trans-Dimensional Prison.” Once again cursing whatever architect was responsible for this universe, they threw open the door…
And were immediately horrified by what they saw.
MEANWHILE, IN THE FUTURE STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN…
Weiila and Maria wandered aimlessly down the streets, taking in the chilly winter air and looking at the mixture of advancement and savagery that the future provided. “Pretty shocking, isn’t it?” asked Maria.
“I’m just surprised the future exists,” said Weiila. “I figured the world would be completely destroyed by now.”
“Oh right, the global warming and stuff,” said Maria. “Well, we were doomed to die, but some Americans developed a device that restored much of the climate, at the cost of the real world.”
“Just like all Americans, they pass the problem to another group,” said Weiila. She looked at the slightly insulted Maria. “Uh…no offense.”
The two looked at the setting sun. “It’s getting late,” said Maria. “We should probably be getting back home, before the time zone difference kills us all.”
The four at the hotel moved into the reception room, Trisha still holding Young Val. “All right, I guess we should all sleep here tonight,” said Galloway. “Val, Percival, what rooms are still liveable?”
“Well, there’s only two rooms that don’t have giant holes in the floor,” said Val. Galloway facepalmed himself. “Rooms 212 and 309, I think.”
“Okay, I know Room 212 has only a Queen-sized bed, and 309 is a double,” said Galloway. “So I guess Percival and I can take 212, and-”
“No way!” said Val. “I’m not staying in the same room as that…thing!” She pointed at the sleeping Young Val.
“…Okay,” said Galloway. “Let’s try again. Percival and Trisha can stay in 309, and Val and I can-”
“Nay, I shall not dwell with that demon neither!” said Percival.
“…You’re really pushing me,” said Galloway. “All right, I guess Trisha and I’ll stay in room 309, and-”
“I…doubt that’ll work,” said Val. “You see…Percival and I are…doing…something…and-”
Galloway could feel the blood vessels getting ready to burst. “FINE!” he growled. “Trisha and I’ll take 212.” Trisha started to say something, but Galloway raised his hand. “NO! So far, my brother’s been put into a hospital, a ninja has trapped Weiila in the future, I was kicked out by a group I once helped FOUND, and my plans for the hotel have nearly been destroyed! And so help me, I am NOT going to sleep on a FUCKING COUCH!”
Outside the skyscraper, the Task Force quickly dragged out several dog carriers, their contents unviewable in the dark night. Almost immediately, several guards came rushing up, raising their weapons in preperation to shoot. Just when it seemed like it was all over, the Santo-Mobile came racing down the road and parked right behind the Task Force-Mobile Version 3. El Santo quickly jumped from his vehicle and charged the guards, tossing them over his shoulder like they were sacks of flour. Several guards tried to pull some wrestling moves, but they were quickly shut down.
Thanking the sweet Mexican wrestling man for his timely assistance, the Task Force loaded the carriers into the Task Force-Mobile and took off. Santo jumped into his car and tore down the road after them.
The elevator finally reached a deep, cavernous level of the library. The sound of running water beneath alerted Kairi that they were beneath even the valley they had just exited from. The dragon king led the girl through the many torch-lit, earthen walled chambers, searching through the hundreds of bookshelves and scroll racks. Finally, he saw something that caught his eye. It was a scroll rack in the far back of the level, filled with yellowed and crumbling scrolls. Something was written in a plaque on top, but it was in a language unfamiliar to the girl.
Xero searched through the scrolls until he found one towards the lower-left corner of the rack. With great care, he pulled it from its holder and laid it out on a small reading table. The scroll, like the plaque, was written in an alien language, but Xero obviously had no trouble reading it. After what seemed like an eternity, Xero rolled the scroll back up and handed it to Kairi. “Take care of it. We will need it.”
“What is it?” asked Kairi.
“Drake is…a family member,” said Xero. “These scrolls all pertain to members of the royal family. That is why they are kept far from the rest of the texts; they are far too important to be trusted to anyone but my family and I.”
“But…who is-”
Xero sighed heavily. “Drake was my father’s uncle. Back then, dragons still routinely went out and terrorized humans, hoarding up whatever treasure they could grab. When my grandfather tragically perished for reasons I care not to disclose, my father was chosen as the new ruler, and he instigated countless reforms, improving the conditions of the dragons and our relations with the other races of the Internet. Drake, being a greedy bastard, ran off sulking and hoarded over his treasures.”
The two walked to the elevator, which slowly began to climb upwards. “So…maybe Drake killed your parents?” asked Kairi.
“He was the first person I looked at,” said Xero, “but unfortunately, he’s clean. As much as he despised my father, he hated the thought of mortals stealing his treasure even more, and never left his hobble for even a minute. And he would never submit to hiring assassins; that would only cost him even more of his fortune.”
Suddenly, the elevator stopped, and a man in a full-body red robe stumbled onto the elevator. Xero’s eyes suddenly flew open. “Mazrim Taim? What are you doing here?”
“You…left me here a YEAR AGO!” said Mazrim.
“I…I’m sorry about that,” stammered Xero. “Come, let’s just get up to the main level, have a good meal, get some sleep, and tomorrow go venturing out to locate my estranged uncle.”
Mazrim stared at the dragon for several minutes. “…Fine, you miserable bastard.”
Wil, Arac and Omega finally reached the Task Force HQ…only to be promptly ran over by the Task Force-Mobile. The Task Force raced from their vehicle, grabbed the three wounded figures, and dragged them into the infirmary, while Santo and the young Wil helped unload carriers.
(to be continued)
Next time: Wacky hijinks ensue! Plus, what’s in the carriers! AND, the Christmas Coalition prepares to strike!
MEANWHILE, IN THE LAND OF WACKY HIJINKS…
Wacky hijinks ensued!
The next morning seemingly came from nowhere. Galloway slowly awoke to the shining of the morning sun and the sound of banging coming from all around. Trisha was still asleep at the other far end of the bed, seemingly unaware of the sheer amount of noise and light coming from all directions. Quickly throwing his armor on, he wandered towards the doorway, slowly deciding not to crush Young Val’s head under his foot like a ripe melon.
He was completely surprised by what greeted his eyes. There were countless workers everywhere, nailing down boards, painting the walls, and generally repairing the massive amounts of damage the child had somehow caused within a few hours. Val and Percival were nowhere to be seen; Galloway assumed they had gone out for pancakes while everyone else was working. In the meantime, he still needed to get past the ninjas, AND deliver the invitations…
Val stepped out of Billy Bo’s House-o’-Pain, carrying a grocery bag containing a bag of devouring, a poisonous spike-shooting tree frog-like monstrosity, and a Yes’s “greatest” hits CD. She now had the perfect gifts for Galloway, Glenton, and anyone else she hated with a deep passion.
MEANWHILE, AT THE TASK FORCE HQ…
After a restful night, the Task Force gathered in the meeting room. Wil, Arac and Omega were already waiting for them, along with the young Wil and Santo. The dog carriers were in the back of the room, still unopened. Once everyone was accounted for, Heaven’s Soldier began the meeting. “Alright, folks. Last night was a major undertaking, but thankfully we were successful.”
“We…were?” asked Glenton. “All I could see were a bunch of dog cages. Has wrestling joined forces with PETA all of a sudden?”
“Oh, right, you weren’t in the room,” said Mabatsekker. “By the way, what happened to you three?”
“Oh, we just had an argument with the narrator and got banished into non-existance for an hour or so,” said GG Crono. “And we couldn’t get a good look at those things that late at night, especially when we were being chased by hundreds of guards at a time.”
“Their equipment seemed to be higher than normal rent-a-cops,” said Darkness Beckons. “Something else is going on here.”
“Before we go any farther,” said Wil, “maybe we should open the carriers right now?”
HS nodded in agreement, and all eleven stood around the carriers, attaching a complex pulley system to each door latch. After several anxious seconds, Heaven’s Soldier activated the pulleys, opening each carrier at once. Within seconds, blurs of movement rushed them, pinning each to the ground…
MEANWHILE, DEEP WITHIN THE HIDEOUT OF THE CHRISTMAS COALITION…
“Things are getting interesting.”
“The fools are wandering to their own deaths. Why deny them such a gift at Christmas?”
“Our ninjas will soon be taking care of our problem. But for now, let’s go bowling.”
(to be continued)
Huzzah for wacky hijinks.
You know what? I had a nice update all ready to go. Then I decided to hold off until I had found a topic for my next essay. When I opened another window and opened the damn journal search engine, the update was erased. For that reason, I cannot update for at least a few days, until I have some fucking clue as to what I’m supposed to fucking do here.
…College sucks.
That sucks cause this? This rocks. << Also, I’ve been hearing that a lot about college lately. Damn you putting me off!
The battle against the chibi RPGCers was long and grueling, an absolute epic on scale with the final battle in the Lord of the Rings movies. Blood was spilled liberally, with hateful curses and massive explosions erupting every which way. Mere seconds before someone was actually killed, however, El Santo jumped into the middle of the fight, pulled off a bunch of shoulder throws, and managed to get all the chibi RPGCers into a corner due to his sheer wrestlingness.
“Okay, they’re all in place now,” said Heaven’s Soldier. “Now can someone tell us why an evil corporation would want you kidnapped?”
“They wanted to use us in an advertising campaign,” said chibi Heaven’s Soldier. “They thought they could market child versions of this world’s RPGCers for some reason.”
“Corporate greed,” sighed Glenton. “You just HAVE to admire them at some level.” Chibi Glenton gave his adult counterpart a high five, while the rest in the room looked on in a mixture of disgust and confusion. “…He’s one of the heroes here?” asked Young Wil.
“…No, we just blackmailed him here by showing his few acts of kindness and goodwill,” said Mabatsekker. “It’s amazing what a little blackmail will do in the right hands.”
“ANYWAY,” said Wil, “we need some help. The ninjas, from two years ago? They’re back.”
“We know,” said Beckons.
“They’ve attacked Galloway twice,” said GG Crono. “The first time, they stranded Weiila in the future. The second time, they nearly killed the SOB outside the hyrbid warehouse.”
“All three attacked us, too,” said Omega. “They kicked our asses in short order, but SOMEONE stopped them from killing us.”
“If I wasn’t trapped on a road trip that Christmas, I’d know what you were talking about,” pouted kiro.
“In any case, we must proceed with caution,” said El Santo. “If these villains should seek to strike us back, we must be prepared to take them down with extreme care and precision.”
Meanwhile, in the Skyscraper of Doom…
“How…How could they-”
gunshot
“Now, gentlemen, this is no time for mistakes such as this. We must keep our eyes locked on the future, and that means capturing those brats and returning them here.”
“We will deal with it, sir.”
“And call custodial while you’re out there. Have someone remove this…garbage.”
MEANWHILE, IN THE DARK AND TERRIBLE FUTURE…
Weiila awoke to yet another day, the sun shining against the suprisingly not post-apocalyptic sky. Maria was absolutely nowhere to be found, and only Val had left a note, a Sticky-Pad reading, “Decided to take up drinking again. Will be back soon. There’s some TV Breakfasts in the fridge.” Weiila chuckled at the similarities between her Val and this future incarnation, stepped out into the hall, wisely decided just to have a bowl of cereal, and flew off to Kerr’s place.
Thankfully, her future self was nowhere near the toolshed, and didn’t seem to hear her approaching, if she was even there to begin with. Once again, it seemed, her luck was beginning to return. She pushed open the door to the shed, took a few steps in…and saw Maria and Kerr, lying on a cot in one corner…
She was barely able to stifle a scream, her mind secretly thankful that, for whatever reason, Galloway’s future self wasn’t around…
MEANWHILE, IN A DARK AND TERRIBLE PRESENT…
The Christmas Coalition convened once again, now full of sweet desserts. “Very well,” said the fifth member, “let us discuss our situation.”
“We need to stomp these non-Christmas fools out NOW!” said Jack T. Chick. “Otherwise, their acceptance of the made-up word ‘holidays’ will continue to spread!”
“Just what I was thinking,” said Bill O’ Reilly. “But I have a few-”
“NO ARGUMENTS, O’ REIILY!” shouted the lead figure. “We AGREE with you. You do not need to launch a debate against us!”
“…Sorry, my lord,” said O’ Reiily.
“They are still correct,” said the third figure. “We must be able to destroy this Wal-Mart worker and his cohorts before it is too late, before our control over the popoulus is revealed and unraveled.”
“Then let us make haste,” said the lead figure. “Order Rain and Chameleon to strike him now, at his most vulnerable. He must not escape our attention THIS TIME!”
Galloway found himself back at the evil corporation known as Wal-Mart, forced to continue his endless toils and tasks as an official greeter, forced to smile to even the cruelest of old ladies, screaming infants, and anti-corporation protestors. Trisha, meanwhile, hung out at the McDonalds, trying to have a civil conversation with the hellspawn known as Young Val, who was more interested in avoiding the crappy food and finding ways to kill the nearby eight-year-old with her Happy Meal toy.
Once again, Galloway didn’t pay any attention to the grey ninja sneaking, who was now getting some photo developed of his visit to the Generic Land o’ Ninjas. Meanwhile, the white ninja was keeping tabs on Galloway, somehow managing not to set off the smoke alarms with the constant black mist rising off his body. The saiyan still paid no attention to the ninjas, who quickly returned to their base once their task was completed.
Almost five minutes later, Galloway’s shift finally ended. The saiyan, the catgirl, and the superego left the store of evil behind, stopping only to appologize to the protestors for Gemini not being there.
Xero, Kairi and Mazrim set out with the upmost haste, determined to make it to Drake’s hold before dark. Fortunately, it was only about five miles, making it a ridiculously easy feat with the assistance of a dragon. Drake actually had quite a luxorious place; an ancient keep with walls rising high into the air, with enough room to fit the entire US Army, Navy, and Marine Corps. “…THIS IS A HOVEL?” asked Kairi.
“You should see some of the palaces other dragons had,” said Xero. “Even my home seems like a spit in the pan compared to those ancient beings. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go in alone. I promise I will not be gone long.”
Insert rapid scene of Percival and Val being captured by ninjas. Really, there was nothing here worth seeing.
(to be continued)
Next time: REMATCH! Galloway vs. Ninjas! PLUS, more invites! AND, another villain enters to strike down our heroes!
Hey, wound somebody else. 
Great job still. 
Did I miss something, or did I just accept Young Wil’s presence without a lengthy speech on Time Paradoxes? And why hasn’t Young Wil stated his opinion (probably poor) on his adult self?
Other than that, good job, d. 
Sorry about all the delays, folks. It’s just…I’ve been sick the last week, with both a cold and an ear infection. Not to mention I’ve also been stuck typing essays and preparing portfolios. I simply have no time to write at the moment.
The keep’s interior courtyard was filled with an ancient, massive dragon-like beast, its body permenantly crouched against the earth thanks to its enormous weight. Through every opening in the keep’s towers and buildings, Xero could see mountains of gold, jewels, chests, crowns, and other precious treasures. A mere handful of some of the things Drake had stashed away would be enough to solve his city’s financial woes for decades. The dragon merely stared at Xero as he approached. “Ah, if it isn’t my dear great-nephew? Has ruling your beloved kingdom become-”
“Silence!” shouted Xero. “You know why I’m here. What do you know about my father’s death?”
The dragon’s eyes became cross, his body preparing to lunge at the comparatively smaller figure before him. “You are an impudent brat, you know that? Your father was not much better, but at least he showed me a little respect.”
“I have no time for respect,” said Xero. “Just tell me what I want, and I will leave you to guard your pathetic hoard for the rest of your life.”
Drake cleared his throat and began to speak. “Very well…I will tell you everything I know, if only to get your ass out of my home!”
The workers at the hotel had finished the repairs hours ago, and had left the old place looking even better than before. Galloway, Trisha and Young Val sat in the lounge, eating Millano cookies and waiting for Val and Percival to return. After nearly an hour of waiting, Galloway pulled himself out of the sofa and reached for a dimensional device. “Where are you going?” asked Trisha.
“To send some more invites,” said Galloway. “We really have a lot more ground to cover, and frankly we’re running out of time.”
“But…what about the big meanie me?” asked Young Val.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” said Galloway. “She’s probably off somewhere, drinking herself into sweet, unending oblivion.”
MEANWHILE, IN A PLACE THAT WAS NOT SWEET, UNENDING OBLIVION…
Val and Percival were thrown before the robed Christmas Coalition, all of whom were more than eager to begin their assault…
(to be continued)
Tomorrow: THE REAL UPDATE!
…You know, I’m really close to just cancelling this fic. It’s been a fucking hell to write for, especially during the last month. So far, I have an update that isn’t done, my grandfather has died, I got a fucking hell of a cold, finals have crushed me under a shit load of work, and I have two other fics that desperately need updating.
So, in other words, I’m going to see how things shape up these next couple of days. Unless I’m struck with some inspiration for this, I’m probably going to just give up on any further Christmas fics.
It is your fic and your decision, so make what you will of it. Good job so far, though Mr. Galloway.
(My fics tend to come out in bursts of overeagerness to type out something so that’s why I write so little these days. You got daily parts submitted at your peak.)
That would be a shame to lose the craziness that is your Christmas fic, but it’s your call Galloway.
If you want to quit this story, don’t let us stop you.
I understand, d. I know how crazy things get, and while I am sorry that you need a break from this fic, but I know how easy it is to put things on hold.
Just take your own pace
Yes, please do not murder yourself; I remember my days as an undergraduate and there is nothing worse than having a bad cold when you are already burdened to the brim.
In fact, if you decide to end things as they are, I should be quite satisfied: kidnapped alongside Valkyrie Esker by an order of fanatical ninja. Most amusing!
Of course, you might put this work into storage for the moment, and continue with your other works. I gather that you have the most desire to finish The Final Saga, which is now almost two years old. Perhaps if you reduce the number of works that you feel demand your immediate attention, you might make better progress. Still, you know yourself best.
Okay, I tried to think of some way to continue this, but I’m suffering from some major writer’s block at this point. The fact is, I probably should have stuck by my previous comments and stopped writing Christmas sagas. Still, I intend fully to someday, somehow finish this. The biggest problem is the Xero arc; I know how I want it to end, but I have no idea how to get to that point.
The point is, the fic won’t be finished by Christmas, obviously; however, I FULLY intend to finish it sometime.
That’s okay, hurray for continuing it though!
But…but…but…I want to roast that greedy bastard’s ass!
Seriously, take your time Galloway, I’m in no hurry to see this finished. Do what you need to do.
insert sound of leaf blowers, dust devils, incantations of ancient evils, and a Three Tenors album in the background
Well, folks…this fic is…
!!!BACK!!!
cue fanfare
Alright, I’m reviving this “masterpiece.” I have an idea about what I’m doing, and tomorrow, the FIRST UPDATE IN OVER FOUR MONTHS!
And sometime in April…THE FANFIC ARCHIVE WILL BE UPDATED! I don’t care if turning my laptop on causes a fire. So help me, I’m going to get my ass in gear and get the archive running again.