Very nice so far, Galloway.
And Wil just remember to look out for the Spanish Inquistions two main weapons, surprise and fear… and their ruthless efficiency… Okay their three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…
Seconded.
What about their prized instruments of torture, the comfy chair and the soft cushions?
Okay, so amongst their weapons… Amongst their weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise… I’ll come in again.
Sorry, I’m done with the Python sketch now.
Bahamut Xero reluctantly left the Castle of Fanfiction and began on the long walk back to his home, cursing his misfortune at being unable to locate any information about the deaths of his parents. The sun was beginning to set, the sky sickly pale in color, with storm clouds beginning to gather. It seemed his march home would be an even longer one than usual…
“…Hey.”
He turned to the small figure, sitting beneath a large oak tree. It was a young woman, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt with the slogan, “I’m not opinionated, I’m just right.” A hat covered her head, revealing only a few tiny pieces of blue hair. Xero gave the child a hard, cold stare. “How can I help you?”
“I…was wondering if you could get me to RPGC,” she said. “I was trying to travel over there, but some ninjas kicked me out to here during the travel.”
“…Those ninjas are becoming QUITE the nuisance,” grumbled Xero. “No, I am not headed for RPGC just yet. I am going back to my home city.”
“…Can I go with you, then?” asked the girl. “I don’t know where I am, and-”
“Very well,” said Xero. “What is your name, girl?”
“Kairi, sir,” said the girl. She slowly walked next to the dragon king, and the two set out for the kingdom.
The Task Force sat at the meeting table, listening to the young Wil and Santo further explain the situation. Galloway emerged from the kitchen, carrying a tray of cookies and hot tea.
“…And since this dimension has had dealings with ours,” said young Wil, “we were hoping we would find some allies here.”
“You have nothing to worry about,” said Heaven’s Soldier. “We will gladly assist you in any way we can. Don’t you agree, Galloway?”
“Who said I was going to disagree?” asked Galloway. “All we have to do is break into a heavily fortified building, rescue some kids, and get out! We’ve been in worse!”
“…For once, I agree,” said GG Crono.
“Uh…we used to agree all the time,” said Galloway. The hard stare he got from the Task Force told him to shut up.
“ANYWAY, we need to get some intelligence,” said Mabat. “kiro, use your skills on the kid! We need to know everything he knows, and unfortunately he’s inherited Glenton’s closemouthed tendancies.” Kiro gave a quick salute and walked into the former lab, carrying the chibi PC Glenton in tow. “Glenton, your job is to scout out the building. Locate every possible weak point in that security system; we’re leaving nothing to chance!” Glenton grabbed his gear and headed off. “And now…Galloway, go off and do something!” Grumbling, Galloway headed off.
Wil, Arac and Omega landed in the middle of RPGCity, deep within a small alley. “…All right, let’s head for the Task Force,” said Wil. “They should-”
“Why go to them?” asked Arac.
“Because there’s no RPGCPD anymore,” said Wil.
“Why not?” asked Omega.
“Because Poke couldn’t keep it up by himself,” said Wil.
“Why not?” asked Arac.
“HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!” shouted Wil. “I didn’t expect this kind of…Spanish Inquisition!”
A blare of music emerged from absolutely nowhere, and three British guys in nice red uniforms leaped from behind a back restraunt door. The lead figure, clad in a nice red hat, shouted, “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”
(to be continued)
As Galloway started down the streets of downtown RPGCity, Trisha walking behind him, he heard the sound of fighting from a nearby alleyway. At first, he thought about simply ignoring the noise, but curiosity finally pressured him into checking out the ruckus. As he looked down the alley, he realized his curiosity had tried to kill him yet again…
Just as a shuriken passed above his head, cutting off a lock of his spiked hair. The perpetrator of the attack, yet another ninja, vanished into the shadows just as quickly as he had appeared, leaving only a confused Galloway and Trisha.
Wil, Arac and Omega continued to walk down towards the RPGC Task Force, their encounter with the Spanish Inquisition long since over. “That Colonel fell sure was nice,” said Omega.
“Who knew telling someone they were too silly would take them out?” asked Arac.
“I did,” said Wil. “Used it on Bob the Destroyer back in '87. Last I heard, he had reformed and started his own PBS show.”
Suddenly, enormous trucks raced down the streets, stopping at various corners. Within minutes, burly workers had jumped from the cabs and opened the backs, unleashing thousands of metric tons of snow upon RPGCity. Wil, Arac and Omega stared in absolute confusion at the sheer ridiculousness of the sight.
“…Now that I think about it, this DOES explain a lot,” said Arac.
Xero and Kairi stood at the base of a large mountain, stretching far into the sky. On top, they could barely make out a massive walled city. “How are we getting up there?” asked Kairi.
Xero walked to a small hole in the base of the mountain and reached inside. He fumbled around for a few seconds, before a loud clicking was heart. Almost instantly, the ground they were standing on began to rise into the air, with no immediate means of propolsion visible. Kairi watched in amazement, while Xero simply stood emotionless. Within a manner of minutes, the platform reached the massive brown gates of the ancient walled city. The two passed through the gates without incident, while the platform returned to the earth it had spawned from.
“…How’d we do that?” asked Kairi.
“I had that installed for special guests and myself,” said Xero. “Tourists and mercenaries have to climb up the mountainside. Nobody that lives in the city can leave without my permission.”
The streets were packed with people, rushing from one stand to another. The stands themselves were packed with various goods, ranging from foods unknown to anyone else in RPGC to ancient antiques and collectibles. The people were primarily taller than those seen in RPGC, although not as imposing as Xero himself, and wore full-body clothing for the most part. The buildings were as ancient as the city; many were possibly standing for several hundred years.
“…Nice place you have,” said Kairi.
“Yes, it is,” said Xero. “But under my father-”
Two guards rushed up to Xero. “Your highness! Someone has broken into the palace! He has slaughtered over twenty of our standing guards and demands to speak with you!”
Xero’s face twisted with rage. “Very well. I will handle this monster personally.”
(to be continued)
Next time: Galloway meets the Christmas Coalition! PLUS, Xero vs. The Mystery Man! And what do you get when you cross beer with a cell phone battery? Stay tuned for the answer!
Gogo Dragon king rage!
I do have a habit of infantile, Spanish-Inquisition-esque questioning.
beer and a phone battery? The world may never know.
Oh yes we Wil, once Gallows updates. 
I apologize that this fic is taking so long, and if it will not be ready by Christmas. Things have just been getting hectic, what with the school year rapidly coming to a close and all, and I haven’t had a whole lot of time to write since this started. That, and I have a Final Saga and Task Force fic to keep going, and almost nothing with which to update the archive for November (which means I’m holding out until either December 1st or December 25th).
A few blocks from the alleyway, Galloway and Trisha entered Auntie McFrank’s Pie Shop and took a seat next to the window. The snow deliverymen were already hard at work packing the patchy ice into every nook and cranny of RPGCity, with most of the populous going inside before it got too late. As the sun continued to set against the distant horizon, the she-male that constituted Auntie McFrank brought out some pies and coffee, set them on the table, and retreated into the back room.
Galloway’s eyes continued to dart back in the direction of the alley. “There’s nothing back there,” said Trisha. “Just try to enjoy the pie.”
“…Nothing this year makes sense,” said Galloway. “It’s like some force of the universe is trying to keep me from throwing a Christmas party.”
Suddenly, as if on some mystic cue, everything around Galloway froze completely, like in that Twilight Zone episode with the stop watch. The saiyan looked around in confusion for several seconds, before climbing out of his seat and cautiously searching the pie shop, his hand never straying far from his sword.
Finally, he saw someone approach from the restroom. It was a middle-aged balding man wearing a black jacket, blue shirt and red tie. Galloway quickly recognized him for who he was: Bill O’Reilly! “Oh…crap,” he said.
The commentator approached the stunned Galloway until he was almost toe-to-toe with the saiyan. Galloway fumbled for his katana’s hilt, but his hands refused to cooperate. Something about the man’s eyes struck fear, cold and hard, into his very soul. At long last, this seemed like the end…
“My card.”
Bill O’Reilly handed Galloway a small business card, which read, “Watch the O’Reilly Factor.” Confused, Galloway took the card and pocketed it. O’Reiily turned his back to the saiyan and wandered around the pie shop. “Nice place you have here. Very old-fashioned, except for the guys in back.”
“Tell me about it,” muttered Galloway. “Are you…somehow behind the ninjas that are attacking everyone.”
“Me and a couple of other guys, yeah,” said O’Reilly. “Unfortunately, you people keep surviving, not for a lack of trying, though.”
Galloway desperately wanted to run the man through the back, but for some reason couldn’t move his body. “Why are you doing this?”
“You’ll know…soon enough,” said O’Reiily. He returned to the men’s room, and Galloway suddenly found himself sitting back at the table, a concerned Trisha staring at him, shaking his shoulders.
“Wh-What happened?” he muttered.
“You just fazed out for about ten minutes!” said Trisha. “Are you all right?”
“What- yeah- I’m fine!” said Galloway. “Let’s just…finish our pie and get out of here.”
Xero strolled into his throne room, the former grand hall littered with the bodies of his loyal guard. On the throne sat a black-clothed, silver-haired man, his face bowed, his jagged sword stained with blood. Kairi entered behind Xero, prepared for the worst.
“Ah…at last the mighty Bahamut arrives,” said the figure. The voice sounded familiar, and yet different…
“How dare you sit on the throne of my forefathers!” shouted Xero. He angrily approached the throne, but was stopped ten feet away by some kind of force field.
“Relax, dragon king Onaga- I mean, Xero,” said the figure. “I have something that might interest you.”
“Who the hell are you?” said Xero.
(to be continued)
PS: Ten Second Science now presents: What happens when you mix beer with a cell phone battery?
The answer: A broken battery and a ruined glass of beer!
The moral: If you were expecting something more, you have way too much imagination on your hands.
Next time: Mystery man revealed! Plus, Operation: Rescue!
The man raised his face, and it was…completely covered by a white plaster mask. “Sorry if my looks displease you, your majesty, but I just survived a space station explosion. Obviously the electrical burns, sheet metal cuts and broken cheekbones will take a long time to heal.”
“LEAVE AT ONCE!” shouted Xero. Kairi nodded solemnly behind him.
“Oh, I’ll leave, dear prince,” said the figure (Xero became incensed at his words), “but I DO have something that may interest you. You see, I know a little about your parent’s deaths.”
Xero’s mood changed from one of absolute rage and revulsion, to one of divine anger and surprise. “All right, tell me what you know, but if you lie…”
The man approached Xero; he was about six feet in height, tall by most standards but still short compared to the figure before him. “I happened to be near the site of the ninja attack, the one that claimed the life of your informant and nearly yourself. I could not get ahold of the scroll, but I did manage to catch a single word: ‘Drake.’”
Xero’s eyes narrowed. “Drake? This cannot be-”
“What is this ‘Drake?’” asked Kairi.
“It is something that will require research,” said Xero. “As generic as his name is, Drake is not something to be taken lightly.”
“If you will excuse me,” said the figure, “I must be going. And remember, Galloway’s going to show up in a few seconds to give you an invintation to his party. Take it or leave it.” With that, he touched two fingers to his forehead and vanished.
Just as Xero and Kairi were composing themselves, Galloway teleported in. “Sorry I forgot to give this to you, but…” He handed Xero an invintation. “This is for my Christmas party at the old RPG Town hotel.” He looked to Kairi. “Hey, Kairi! How have you been?”
“Pretty good, I guess,” said Kairi.
“Well, I’m going now,” said Galloway. “Apparantly, a Fox News anchor wants me dead for some reason.” He quickly touched two fingers to his forehead and teleported away.
It was later at night when Galloway and Trisha returned to the hotel…only to find the place in shambles. An exhausted Percival was laying outstretched on the floor, still in full armor. Streamers and confetti bags were torn open, their contents dumped all over the floor and furniture. Chairs and tables were overturned, holes were slammed into the ceiling, and absolute alcohol was dumped everywhere.
Galloway couldn’t contain himself any longer. “WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?!”
Percival looked blankly at the two. “That…demon…Could not…stop…it…”
“What demon?” asked Trisha.
As if in response, Young Val rushed from a nearby hallway, dagger in hand. She slammed into Galloway with enough force to knock him to the ground, and struggled to lower the blade into the saiyan’s throat. Percival tried to climb to his feet, but he was too weak to even lift himself in his armor. Val ran out after Young Val, but slipped on one of the beer bottles and fell hard onto an inconviently-placed box of concrete blocks. The saiyan was unable to even move the enraged child’s arms; the ordeals of the day had drained his strength to the breaking point.
Suddenly, and to everyone’s surprise, Trisha grabbed the child and pulled her off of Galloway. Young Val reached to stab the catgirl, but the knife was easily knocked aside. Galloway, meanwhile, recovered himself, and prepared to beat down the child…
MEANWHILE, INSIDE AN EVIL SKYSCRAPER…
Heaven’s Soldier climbed through the ventilation shafts, ready to kick butt. As he dropped into a cold, metal, sterile hallway, however, several security guards with bulletproof vests and rifles descended upon him.
(to be continued)
Next time: Rescue is finished! Party is formed! Galloway regain cognitive function!
Lies, galloway never had cognitive function!
Galloway, dragons can fly you know. I would have walked all the way from my city to RPGCity…:hahaha;
I so need to tear at least on of those ninjas’ heads from there bodies, or fry them alive, or some other equally painful death.
Anyway, great job as usual!
To be honest, I forgot about the flying thing as well. Oh well, it’ll probably meet the same fate as any comment on some fallacy in the fic: it’ll be turned into a punchline of some sort. Only without humor, since I suck at comedy. And action. And writing.
And Cavelcade…it’s true. So very, very true. That’s it, I’m throwing myself out of an airliner.
Great, just my luck, the moment I drop in somewhere, for a rescue, I get surrounded my guards.
And guards with rifles too. Not nice.
Kerr’s workshop was a complete mess of a room, taking up the entirety of a small tool shed. Various computer parts were strewn about, looking very much like a system administrator’s personal office. Several model cars and jets were also strewn about, a few hanging from the ceiling on strings. Kerr himself was seated at a long workbench, which was covered in screwdrivers, soldering tools, and loose wires. The broken digipad was in front of him, next to a perfectly fine one.
Weiila and Maria slowly worked their way through the mess. “What the hell?” said Weiila.
“It’s just a hobby room,” said Kerr. “Angela’s got an even bigger one in the basement.” His tone became more sardonic. “You always liked HER better, anyway…”
“How’s the procedure going, hon?” asked Maria.
“Like when you cancelled my sixth birthday party so you could take HER to the damn circus,” grumbled Kerr. “Or when you gave her the full sex talk and just threw a porno mag at me…”
Maria’s face became flushed. “Kerr!”
The catboy was obviously in his own little reality. “Or how about Christmas five years ago? You got HER a Nintendo Dolphin, but could you bother to get ME that PlayStation 6 I wanted for over two years? NOOOO! It was always-”
Weiila followed Maria’s suit. “KERR!”
Kerr was shouting now. “-HER dreams! HER desires! You and dad always approved HER boyfriends, even when they were a bunch of sex-crazed perbs, but when I wanted to date Maria? NO! You told me to stay away from that sweet angel and her insane father! You-”
Both women were unanimous now. <b>“SHUT THE HELL UP!!!”</b>
Kerr finally snapped out of his most-likely exagerated tales of childhood neglect and abuse. “Oh…sorry. Just the usual Christmas blues, I guess.” He popped open the two digipads; inside were a jumbled mess of wires, gears, and circuitry. “This’ll take a few days to fix. Why don’t you guys just…you know…look around town or something? Just stay away from mom.”
Weiila looked at a dust-covered corner of the shack, and saw a small picture hanging from the wall, showing what she assumed to be her future self and the rest of the family, including a girl she had never seen before. The only thing she could say was, “What the hell happened to me?”
Xero and Kairi continued down one of the many halls of the palace. The walls were finely decorated, and yet showed considerable wear and age. Several guards were busy helping to bury the dead; those that remained bowed solemnly when their mighty king passed. “…Where are we going, anyway?” asked Kairi.
“The royal library,” said Xero. “The entire city is full of such bastions of knowledge, but only this houses the documents we need.”
Finally, they reached a massive set of gold-trimmed doorways. It took the might of several dragon guards to push open the ancient doors, but they were nothing compared to what waited them on the other side. There was indeed a library, but it was like nothing Kairi had ever seen before. It descended deep into the heart of the mountain, and several stories were still above the two. Several elevators had been placed within, to help those of non-dragon lineage. Each story was filled with bookshelves, scroll holders, writing desks, study tables, and torch holders.
Kairi could only manage one response. “…Whoa.”
“We will take the elevator,” said Xero. “I could just fly down there, but I do not want to leave you behind. You could be lost in here for decades unless guided.”
The two entered a large elevator, which consisted of a platform, supported by metal chains and ropes. Xero pulled a lever on a console at one end, and the elevator descended deeper and deeper into the mountain.
Heaven’s Soldier raised both swords in a defensive position, carefully taking in his situation. He was surrounded, greatly outnumbered, greatly outgunned, and otherwise screwed royally. There was no way to contact the rest of the team; he was completely on his own. Grimacing, he prepared to take on his enemies in one last hurrah…
Suddenly, Glenton dropped from another ventilation shaft, landing behind several of the guards. He quickly threw several small shuriken at the guards closed to him, piercing them through the back on the necks. At the same instant, Heaven’s Soldier ducked, twisted around, and swung his swords in a wide arch, quickly disarming the remaining guards. Before Glenton could raise his silenced pistol, GG Crono dropped down from yet another ventilation shaft and smacked the guard’s heads together, rendering them unconscious.
“…What are you doing here?” said Heaven’s Soldier. “You were SUPPOSED to be on the twentieth floor! This is the eigth!”
“You were in those shafts,” said Glenton. “They were probably laid out by a total maniac. Just ten seconds ago, I went from the thirtieth floor to the sub-basement!”
“And I was chased by robotic guards on the twelfth floor, and suddenly wound up on the fifteenth somehow!” said GG Crono.
“Have we stumbled into a chaos-controlled skyscraper?” cursed Heaven’s Soldier.
(No, you idiots! Nobody’s going to get that; it’s too obscure!)
“…Who the hell was that?” asked Glenton.
(I mean…uh…Anyway…)
Trisha pulled Young Val away from Galloway, even as the child tried to dig a dagger into her arm. “No, you can’t hurt her!”
Galloway laughed. “I wasn’t going to HURT her!” He sneered and roared at the bizzare manifestation. “I’m going to KILL her!”
“She’s obviously experiencing feelings of neglect and maltreatment,” cooed Trisha. Young Val finally seemed to calm down, at least after tearing apart the first several layers of skin on Trisha’s left arm. “Maybe we could talk this over somewhere private. Where’s her room?”
Val banged on the overturned filing cabinet, and the skeletal remains of a dog in a gi popped out. “She usually sleeps in the top shelf. Once you lock her inside, and dump a few roach bombs inside, she’s out like a light.”
Trisha’s eyes practically exploded from her sockets. “WHAT?! Why would you do that?!”
“She is a devil!” shouted Percival. “She must be destroyed!”
Trisha pulled Young Val even farther away, practically smothering her under her chest. “Not on my life! Just give me a day or two with her! I swear I can put her back on the right track, you bunch of freakish child abusers!”
Val grumbled a reply and turned away, Percival nodded, and Galloway continued to plot Young Val’s bloody demise.
MEANWHILE, oN THE THIRTIETH FLOOR…
Mabatsekker jumped down from the ventilation shaft, followed by kiro and Darkness Beckons. All three carefully snuck around the many corridors, looking for any signs of their prey, or at the very least any guards.
As if in response to some unspoken use of the forbidden words, several guards jumped out of nowhere…
(to be continued)
Are the forbidden words in this case, “This is too easy”?
Demi… you just doomed us all now, you realize this? Thanks a lot.
And, keep it up d.
Well, I’m glad that Glenton and Crono showed up when they did.
Thanks, you wierd, ‘chaos-controlled skyscraper’, whatever the hell that means.