Christmas Saga 4!

Christmas Saga 4: Tis the Season…
By d_Galloway

Weiila landed on Galloway’s front lawn, a small note in her hands. After a few minutes of nothing, she finally decided to try ringing the front door. When no one responded, she noticed the lack of any car in the driveway, but decided that they were probably in the garage where they belonged. As she was knocking on the metal garage door, however, Galloway finally stumbled out the front door, dressed in a pair of sweats and a blue t-shirt, his body barely managing to hold itself up. “Huh? Whatsit?”

“Come on!” shouted the angel. “You wanted my input on this plan of yours, didn’t you?”

“…Weiila, it…is…THREE A.M!” shouted Galloway. “What do you want from me? I can barely fucking move right now!”


“It’s just me, mom!” shouted Galloway.


“It’s work, mom!” shouted Galloway. “I’ll be gone in a minute!” He looked back at Weiila. “Next time you decide to forget about time zone differences, please warn me in advance.”

The RPGC Task Force slept in their quiet seclusion…that is, until Starstorm barged into the bunker, shouting and banging things around in an intentional attempt to cause a ruckus. Finally, the six Task Force members stumbled out of bed, still in their night clothes. “…Huh?” said Heaven’s Soldier. “What’dya want, Storm?”

“I’ve got a message from Weiila!” said Star. “She wants us to meet her at that old hotel from a couple of years ago!”

“You mean…that haunted place that isn’t haunted anymore?” said Glenton.

“Huh…what…how?” mumbled kiro.

“You’re too young to remember, kid,” said Star. “All right, up and at 'em! She wants us in there on the jiffy!”

“…I swear, when this is over, I’m going to kill you…” said Mabatsekker.

The visions were always the same: at one moment, the young dragon prince was dancing about happily, playing in the city streets and palace grounds, learning from the countless ancient tomes in the great library, enjoying the sheer joy of life. Almost immediately, it would cut to finding his dead parents, their bodies sliced and mutilated almost beyond recognition. After these horrors, it would show his many fruitless attempts to discover the true murderer of his parents, the many wasted years of his life trying to bring the bastard to justice.

Suddenly, he awoke to find himself in a large bed, rain pouring outside the window. The room he was in was made of solid stone, and decorated only with a red rug and a armoir. Pulling himself away from the covers, he grabbed a nearby spear and opened the doorway.

A pair of guards stood in his way. “Sire, we cannot allow you to leave,” said the guards. “You must wait to be taken to the healer.”

“What are you talking about?!” said Xero. “I’ll have you know that-”

Suddenly, he began to cough up spurts of blood. He looked at his side, and for the first time saw the massive wound, still slowly bleeding down his skin. “You were attacked on the road to RPGCity,” said one guard. “You are currently in the Castle of Fanfiction. Mistress Weiila has left for RPG Town on urgent business, and King Valkyrie Esker is currently absent. Please, my lord, seat yourself and we shall help with your wound.”

In a large skyscraper in downtown RPGCity, a sinister meeting began.

“And so, as you can see, they are ready.”

“Yes, it’s moving according to plan!”

“Soon, we will be raking in big profits, at the expense of these RPGCers! BWA HA HA!”

An hour later, the Task Force was assembled in front of the hotel. Signs of restoration were readily apparent; the walls were fully patched, the windows replaced, and a new paint job was slapped on. Galloway stood at the podium, an IV machine pumping pure caffine into his veins, seemingly bringing him up to normal. Weiila was seated next to him, while Starstorm was nowhere to be found.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” said Galloway, “Weiila and I were discussing plans for a Christmas party this year, and decided to have the biggest bash the Internet has ever seen!”

“…And what would that be?” said GG Crono.

“We fixed up the hotel from three years ago!” said Galloway. “We plan to hold a massive Christmas party in there, for all of us!”

“You mean…all of RPGC?” said Darkness Beckons.

“No, I mean <i>everyone</i>,” said Galloway. “We plan to invite everyone we have fought alongside with, everyone who aided us in battling the great evils of Naar and his many minions! Yes sir, this is going to be grand! Grander than grand! The coffee is beginning to take affect! My heart is about to literally explode! Oh God somebody help me!”

Weiila quickly snapped the IV out of Galloway, and the saiyan began to calm down. “Now, I just wanted to inform you first, since I was hoping you would serve as security on that day. We have no idea how many people are going to show up; we may have to use a few space-altering spells, in fact. That’s why we need the best superhero team we can find! PLUS, I’ll be giving everyone in RPGC presents afterwards!”

The Task Force looked amongst themselves, and then turned back to Galloway. “We’ll think about it,” said Heaven’s Soldier.

Meanwhile, deep in space, a Spaceballs-sized ship cruised, picking up the near-dead remains of Jack T. Chick along the way…

(to be continued)


“The coffee is beginning to take affect! My heart is about to literally explode! Oh God somebody help me!”

I lol’ed :slight_smile:

Nicely started Gallo.

The biggest Christmas party the Internet has ever seen? Very nice.

Hey does that include our alternate selves from Wil’s ‘Universe’?

And thus, d begins a DC tradition of having all dimensions having for a holiday dinner.

… Is Wil’s universe going to try and kill me again, BTW?

The sun slowly rose over the small village, bringing a sense of life to the entire community. The residents began to wander the streets, tourists and travellers wandered the path that divided the buildings, and the only store in town became packed. Meanwhile, in the second floor of the inn, Valkyrie Esker awoke, her spear lying on the floor next to her. Once she was sure the coast was clear, she grabbed her beloved Gungnir, its point still polished despite lying on the dirty floor, threw on her armor, and made her way to the first floor.

Sir Percival was already waiting for her, sitting at a small table and sipping from a cup of tea. He was already in full armor, his sword at his side, his eyes locked on the former goddess. “Ah, though hast chosen to awaken thyself at long last?” asked Percival.

“Can it, knighty,” said Val. She took a seat across from him. “So, you think it’s safe to go back into RPGCity yet?”

“How long can thy scoundrel of a husband hold a grudge?” said Percival.

“Look, I didn’t MEAN to call that catgirl a skank in front of him!” said Val. “It’s usually something I say behind his back, the lousy cheating bastard!”

“…Verily, it should be safe at this very time to return,” said Percival. He was obviously distressed at what Val had just said, but decided to brush it aside for the time being. “I have yet to secure mounts, but-”

“No horses this time!” said Val. “We’re taking a bus. My ass is still sore from last time.”

Xero slowly awoke to find himself back in the bed, Weiila sitting next to him. His wound was completely healed. “H-Huh?” he said.

“Xero, you were attacked,” said Weiila. “Someone tried to kill you on your way here. Why did you even come here?”

Xero raised himself halfway out of bed. “Someone said they knew who was behind my parents’ death. We were supposed to meet at the crossroads just outside the abandoned police station, but-”

“…Your contact is dead,” said Weiila. “We found his body shortly after we found you. If he had anything on him, it was taken. He was already too dead to revive when I learned about him.”

Xero looked blankly at the ceiling. “Please…I just want to be alone,” he said.

Galloway wandered through the halls of the hotel, taking in the many familiar sights and memories. From being mobbed by regressed RPGCers, to being attacked by the Dark Five, to being stalked by police, to dragging a younger Val from the past into the future, to finding the Soul Reaver, to battling an evil ghost, and finally defeating an evil Santa Claus and hillbilly, every memory came flooding back. He couldn’t have chosen a more appropriate place…

As he returned to the lobby, he heard the sound of a bus pulling up in front. He looked out the door, and saw Val and Percival step off, the bus vanishing in a trans-dimensional warp behind them. Both made their way through the door and into the lobby, while Galloway moved behind the desk. “Hello, good sirs. A room for two?”

“Har har har,” snarled Val. “Alright, what’s this all about?”

“We’re…throwing a huge Christmas party,” said Galloway. “Not that you care.”

“In truth, thou words hath interested me,” said Percival.

“Well, since I doubt anything bad’s going to happen this year, I thought we should hold an interdimensional Christmas party in this hotel,” said Galloway. “I hopefully have the Task Force on staff, and with Weiila’s help, this should be a smash hit.”

“…Actually, that sounds pretty cool,” said Val. “Alright, for once, I’m in, as long as I don’t have to get you another girlfriend!”

“Of course not!” said Galloway. All three shared a hearty laugh, although it was more nervous on Galloway’s part.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Sighing, Galloway opened the door, only to find a heavy filing cabinet placed there, a postal officer running away at the same time. As Galloway dragged the cabinet inside, he swore he felt something rummaging around inside. Val’s eyes suddenly bulged, while Percival looked on in curiosity.

“Hey, look!” said Galloway. He pointed to some scribblings on the side. “‘Abandon hope, all ye who open this cabinet. Open this and you shall no fury swifter or more horrifying than that which hell hast bestowed upon you.’”

“Very well then, do not open it,” said Percival.

“Agreed,” said Galloway. As he was stepping away, however, he slipped on the carpet. His hand grasped onto the cabinet handle, and the force of the fall cause the cabinet to open slightly. Something inside pushed the doorway the rest of the way open and leaped out…revealing itself to be the long mistreated Young Val. All three looked on in absolute confusion.

“Grrr!” she snarled, in a way that was more cute than threatening. “I’m back, bitches!”

Galloway grabbed the chibi and slammed her back into the filing cabinet. “I don’t have time for this,” he said. “I have to work the day shift at Wal-Mart. You guys coming?” Both shook their heads, and made their way towards RPG Town. Galloway, meanwhile, locked the front doors to the hotel, doubly trapping Young Val.

(to be continued)

Next time: One of this year’s villains is revealed!

Have courage, for this Walmart is a perilous country, and forsooth, when last I trod the unseemly halls, there thrang about me roaring childer that were nigh out of their wit, and their mothers, that were wroth out of measure. And the childer called me ‘action-figure mascot’, and assailed me at all points like as wounded beasts, and it was right horrible to see.

I just had a feeling a young Val, was hiding in that cabinet. Probably because she has jumped out of there before, oh well.

Galloway stood just inside the Wal-Mart, fake smiling and saying, “Happy holidays,” to everyone that passed through the doorway. He didn’t even notice the grey ninja sneaking around the back, next to the photo lab, watching his every moves. The saiyan’s mind was instead preoccupied with how he loathed this place, wishing death upon it with every passing second. After being locked in overnight a few times, wishing for the store’s destruction was only natural.

The ninja finished his observation, nodded with a sense of satisfaction, and vanished in a puff of smoke. Galloway, however, was still focused on wishing “Happy holidays” to the overweight, greasy women that dominated every aspect of these stores, the idiots who thought he knew if they had any Wiis or PlayStation 3s, and the general loudmouths who did nothing but complain about how horrid Wal-Mart was while spending all day in there.


The ninja appeared in a massive, circled chamber. Five seats were filled with the usual mysterious figures, all of whom wore clothing similar to a cardinal’s robe with a red hood. Only one figure refused to wear this. It was none other than Jack T. Chick, now with much of his face stitched up, his body augmented technologically. A sixth figure sat in a raised seat, dressed in a similar robe but with more ornate gold trimmings, and silver rings on every finger.

The ninja bowed, and the sixth figure stood. “Report your observations to us, Chameleon.”

“We have located the one responsible for the deaths of the Goodwrights,” said Chameleon. “He is indeed the one that destroyed Neo Galloway’s space station. He was working as a greeter at Wal-Mart.”

“Of course,” said the second figure. “What better place for such an insensitive person to work than Wal-Mart.”

“But…what are we to do?” said the third figure. “We could destroy him right now…”

“No,” said the sixth figure. “He is our link with RPGC. We can manipulate him to our advantage. And what of our search for Mr. T?”

“Hosting a new reality show,” said Jack T. Chick. “He will be captured soon.”

“We have suffered much, my friends,” said the sixth figure, “but soon, the world will be as it should be! We will be the lords of a new realm, free from the corruption of acceptance and tolerance! All of existance shall bow to us AND our master!”

(to be continued)

Next time: More RPGCers! Plus, the first guests are invited! And guess who the villains are, and win a prize!

The plot thickens in a manner not unakin to a pot of paint left on a porch for many a chill autumn’s night!

…so yeah. It be On.

(Also, Percival? That was hilarious. Go you.)

Cool. I am glad you liked it! :toast: You modern-world-savvy Task Forcers probably need to show Sir Percival the ropes one day around places like that, before the kids begin thinking that he is the Hermann-the-Tin-Can mascot again.

… Suuuuuure. I would love to show a sucker… er, a fellow, the ways of the modern world.

At least from my point of view.

OK, this scares the crap out of me more than PC’s satelite. What on earth can hurt me that badly…

Anyway, I am honored you mentioned me in the very first post of the story.

Hey don’t let Glenton show Percival the modern ropes. He would totally take advantage of him.

If anyone should be the one to show Percival the ropes, I think it should be me. Since I think we are the most similar.

I thought Mr. T’s new show was a self-help talk show thing, or is this just a strange coincidence that Gallo wrote something fictionally that happens to parellel the real world?

Edit: Well if Wikipedia says “I Pity the Fool” is reality TV, then I’ll just shut up.

I was just making a friendly passing comment to G.G. Crono’s compliment, but if you are serious, then yes, that is a good idea: the Task Force other than P.C. Glenton can show Sir Percival the ropes. Frankly, Sir Percival would not want like to be in the rogue’s company owing to his code and conviction as a paladin, and I should expect P.C. Glenton to feel likewise about being in the company of someone who radiates lawful-good divine power (a kind of magic).

Heaven’s Soldier: You might take Sir Percival to a pub for a pint of Strongbow!:toast:

Arac and Percival would be a weird combination. An anarchist cynic who speaks in lingual gymnastics at the slightest opportunity (if a word has more than seven syllables, or a sentence more than five semi-colons, by God, I shall utter it whenever I can), and a Paladin who speaks in old English. We probably have pretty much the same philosophies about people (I’ve got no objection to laws, just leaders) and similar codes of honour, and we’d talk in uncannily similar manners.

A pint? How about pints? Several? Staropramen? And a trip to some place with a proper dance floor? Scaramouche, scaramouche!

Now safely back at his Parent’s House of Solitude, and freed from the evils of the blue vest, Galloway made his way to his room, closed and locked the doors and windows, checked for bugging devices, and quickly called up a familiar, and yet non-familiar number. “Hello, TrkJac? What? What the hell, Dave! I- Alright, I admit, that’s a nice con. Look, I need two of your boys to do some christmas party inviting. Yes, I know it’s a small job, but…it does involve that other dimension. You know, the one that thinks we’re all a bunch of nutjobs or villains. All right, I’ll send over your payment AND instructions right away.”


-OmegaFlareX and Arac stood in front of the massive castle, its large door closed and barred to them. The two simply looked around as the portal behind them closed, taking a purple ninja along with it.
-“This is the place, right?” said Omega.
-“Hard to recognize it without the collapsed walls and evil minions,” said Arac. “Well, come on, let’s get some serious inviting done.”
-“Just one thing,” said Omega. “Why the hell are we doing this? You don’t work for TrkJac or Dave, I never worked for them, and yet we’re sent off to do Dave’s dirty work! And what the hell is up with-”
-“I don’t know either,” said Arac. “Let’s just get this over with…”

The two knocked on the door, and a small latch was drawn back, revealing a set of eyes. “How can I help you?”

Now relieved that they could talk normally, Arac stepped forward, holding a Christmas card. “We represent the other RPGC. We were wanting to invite you to a Christmas party back in our dimension.”

He slid the card through the small peephole. The eyes on the other side closed. “We’ll think about it. We’ll call that other Wilfredo when we make up our mind.” With that, the latch slammed shut, and the two opened another portal, stepping through without even a moment’s hesitation…

Arac and OmegaFlareX exited to find themselves standing in a small, octogonal chamber, with each side showing a set of metal bars. There were skeletons and corpses everywhere, and pools of water filled small crevices in the ground. “What the hell?” said Omega. “We’re supposed to be back at RPGC!”

“Not today,” said a voice. With that, three ninjas, dressed in purple, white, and grey emerged, quickly entering a combat position…

Galloway slowly approached Weiila, Digipad in hand. The two simply looked at each other for several seconds. “Are you sure you want to do this?” said Weiila.

“Well, they ARE our kids,” said Galloway. “If we go forward at the same rate of time as always, they SHOULD be at adulthood. Besides, it’s always nice to see an old, impotent Starstorm, as opposed to a young, impotent Starstorm.”

“Trust me, he’s probably longer than you,” said Weiila. With that cruel jab at Galloway’s manhood, the two activated the machine, jumping into the future.

(to be continued)

Next time: Omega and Arac vs. ninjas! Plus, a trip to the future…yet again! AND…Wil shows up!

So the invites begin, very nice.