Like, the Ford Taurus is a really nice car, but it has such a shitty name that I’d never buy one. If it was called like, the Ford Tsunami or something, it would fucking rock.
And the Dodge Ram? Who wants a truck named after a fucking oversized goat? They should have called it the Dodge Meteor or the Behemoth, and given it a cool dragon or fireball logo.
And then there’s the cars that have no names, and must be referred to by a fucking serial number, like the F-150. Those fucking piss me off!
Some names that I think are right on the money are the Sebring, the Tomahawk, the Civic, the Jetta, and pretty much any Nissan (Sentra, Altima, etc). Now those are some fucking classy names. The Grand Marquis is a pretty cool name, too.
Sports cars also suck. Clunky technicolor pieces of shit, I say! And they all have stupid Itallian names!
Count on the German cars to go by better names, or should I say numbers/letters? The only exceptions are Volkswagen and Porsche…but Porsche owns so I don’t care what name they have. They could call their new line the Fairy or some gay name like that and I’d still take it as long as it owns as a Porsche. And when people make fun…I’d be all like: “At least I own a Porsche fuckers.”
I used to know every car names back in 1992. Now, I just think they all look the same (the models, not the names), so I lost interest. I don’t really care about the names, but anything Ford, Chrysler, Dodge, Buick, ok, all american cars, sounds weird to me. Maybe except the Mustang. They have all right names for trucks, though. Dodge Dakota is cool. I’m biased because I’m sold to Japanese/German cars anyway, excluding VW. And I prefer Lexus names.
Hades, I really don’t mean offense by this, but if you think the Taurus is a nice ride…well, you really need to study up I have a Taurus. Lemme tell you a little bit about it.
Constant maintanence. The Brakes die out all the fucking time. I’ve never seen a car go to the shop so many fucking times. The alignment gets out of place if a bird shits on the hood, it’s so volatile.
Fucking gas chugging motherfucking car. 12 miles to the gallon. That’s just DUMB. That’s almost as bad as SUVs.
It’s just HUGE. You might not understand why that’s a problem if you don’t drive (I don’t know if you do)…but let’s check this out…it’s much LONGER than most cars. This makes it hard to back up because you can’t see anything. Seriously, when I drive that thing, I take a long time to pull out of a driveway, or even if I’m paralell parked, because that shit is so HUGE. It’s road catastrophe. The thing is also wider than most normal vehicles. This makes even parking in conventional parkings spaces such a chore. You have to get in just right or else you’re cramping in on someone else’s parking space, which is rude.
So, what DOES it have going for it? The same thing every american car has:
Power. It can accelerate really fast, and drive really fucking fast. If you press down the gas, even at like 0 MPH, you just GO. It has a huge engine to make it GO GO GO GO. And that’s why it can chug gas faster than my brother can chug beer.
So, as you can see, the Taurus fits the personality of the car perfectly: Like a bull, It’s huge, angry, fast, powerful, hungry, and stupid. I couldn’t think of a better name for it, actually.