Capters 1 and 2 of Final Fantasy X-2 Bloopers

Okay gang, here it is, the blooper script in it’s entirety.Actually it’s too long, so this is part one, and the second thread of today is part two. It’s around 31 pages long, but don’t get discouraged, as a few cameo appearences by Yoda make up for the length, In fact, Yoda’s scenes are some of the funniest, according to my little brother Matthew.

            FINAL FANTASY X-2 BLOOPERS

                                                              By

                                                  Vanguard Ziggy

Author’s notes: Okay one of the first fictions I have done in script form. I wrote a fan fiction script story of the “episode” that takes place after the true last episode of Seinfeld years ago. I also wrote a Transformers fan fiction story in script mode, like this one, a comedy. But this is the first script behind the script. I’ve always admired how role playing games have tried to make their stories cinematic, but to my disappointment, they’ve never done a bloopers section, mainly because voice actors have only gotten in the action of games for just a few years. This is my answer to that. While the “actor” names are not mentioned – the character names are – the same situation you see in shows like Home Improvement, Whoopi, etc. will be seen. Here are Yuna and company screwing up in some silly and hilarious ways. Hope you enjoy.

                                                  Chapter One

First Group of Bloopers: The opening chase scene.

Rikku and Paine chase after the Yuna imposter through the streets of Luca. She quickly looses them as she runs around a corner.

Rikku: Hey, you run too fast!

Man (O.S.): You’re too slow; little girl.

Another man (O.S.): Bwahahaha, show’s over.

The camera shifts to a skinny man with guns and a bulky man carrying a heavy shield.

Rikku: Yeowch.

Paine: This way.

Paine turns and begins to run to the left of the screen, running straight into a stack of boxes, bashing her face. The crew gasps at first, and then laughs as they realize she’s alright.

Paine (giggles): Damn, that hurt.

Same scene, second take.

Paine: This way.

She turns and runs to the left of the screen, Rikku follows, but trips on some water on the ground, and slides towards Ormi and Logos, sending them crashing into the ocean. The crew howls with laughter.

Same scene, third take.

Paine tries to say her line, but can’t keep a straight face. She breaks out into hysterical laughter.

Paine (between uncontrolled giggles): I’m sorry, I’m sorry. They looked like a troupe of ballerinas.

Same scene, sixth take.

Paine still can’t control her giggles. She’s rolling on the floor and tears are coming from her eyes.

Rikku (groans): It wasn’t that funny, you know?

Same scene, ninth take.

Paine: This way.

Paine and Rikku are chased by Ormi and Logos. They are cornered and it looks like the end. Right as they are about to attack, a hail of bullets strikes near their feet.

The camera shifts to Yuna holding two guns, crisscross. She pauses and then rushes forward, firing her guns. Yuna leaps onto Ormi’s back, to perform a back flip, but trips over his shield and crashes on the ground.

Rikku: Yunie, are you okay?

The crew chuckles and there are some tired sighs.

Director (O.S.): Are we ever going to get this shot right?

Yuna (giggles): Sorry.

Scene finished in tenth take.

                                             * ~ * ~ *

Second group of bloopers: Mt. Gagazet the elevator scene.

Yuna approaches the control of the elevator and looks at it.

Yuna: You think this Machina still works?

Yuna pushes the button, and nothing happens.

Rikku: Um, hello? Elevator?

Nothing happens, Rikku kicks elevator and groans.

Rikku: Oui pek cibet rayt. (You big stupid head).

Same scene, second take.

The elevator is moving.

Yuna: I wonder how safe this is.

Suddenly the elevator slows down and in the background the band begins to play the Girl From Ipachima.

Rikku (groaning): Eww, elevator music.

Paine (sighing): How lovely.

Scene finished in three takes.

                                             *~*~*

LaBlanc introduces herself scene.

Paine: Who’s there?

???: Amateurs! They have no concept of what it means to be a true sphere hunter.

Yuna, Rikku, and Paine all frown, there is a slight gaff of giggles in the background.

Paine: Um, I think you skipped a few lines.

Leblanc frowns and blinks for a moment, and then realizes what she’s done. She covers her face with her hands.

Leblanc: Oh no!

Crew breaks into laughter.

Same scene, take two.

Paine: Whose there?

Leblanc (hastily): The thief. (Realizes what she has said) Er, I mean, Lathief, um Thie, no. . . Ah crap!

Crew is laughing to the point of tears.

Same scene, take three.

Paine: Whose there?

Leblanc stands there obviously frustrated about something. She places her hand on her forehead and rubs.

Yuna (smiling): You’ve forgotten your lines, haven’t you?”

Leblanc shakes her head, and then groans.

Leblanc: Ah shit!

Crew continues to laugh hard.

Same scene, take twelve.

Same thing happens. Rikku stomps a foot and turns to walk away.

Rikku: This is stupid; I’m going to my trailer.

The crew is laughing themselves into a coma.

Scene finished in fifty-one takes (thirty-five hours behind schedule, first director cheeks himself into a psyche clinic).

                                             *~*~*

The Return to Besaid Island, as Wakka is taking them into the village.

Wakka: So you’re a sphere hunter now… I heard the rumors. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t too worried. Gotta say, though… You, uh, do seem pretty different.

Yuna giggles. Rikku lightly elbows Wakka’s stomach.

Rikku: You haven’t changed a bit, tubby!

Wakka: Whoa! Cut it out, ya! I’m going to be a father soon. Got to have a little more presence, you know?

One of the Islanders (O.S.): Head’s up!

A blitzball soars at the group, and nails Wakka right in his blitzballs. Wakka groans, grabs his gonads and collapses to the ground.

Yuna and Rikku gasp in horror, and bend down over him.

Yuna: Wakka are you all right?

Rikku: Ur so Kut! (Oh my God!).

Wakka (in a very high pitched voice): Well, guess that’s the only kid, I’m gonna have, ya?

The crew laughs as Wakka is helped to his feet.

Scene finished in two takes.

                                             * ~ * ~ *

The scene where they talk to Lucil at Youth League Headquarters.

Rikku: The Thief League?

Lucil (laughing): No, I don’t think anyone would go that far.

An extra sneaks by carrying a sphere under his arms. The crew chuckles and shakes their heads.

Lucil (giggles): Then again I could be wrong.

Scene finished in two takes.

  • ~ * ~ *

The discussion scene with Clasko.

Clasko: That’s it. Every time I try something new, I screw it up. I just don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know where I belong. I’ve spent my whole life drifting from one failure to the next. But, I can’t keep doing this forever. I know that there’s a place for everyone in this world-even someone as sad and pathetic as me. Lady

Yuna! I want to find my place! Please, allow me to ride on your airship!

Yuna: The more the merrier!

Clasko: Thank you so much! I’ll find my true calling, you’ll see!

Clasko begins to walk with the girls, and let’s loose a large, high squeaking fart.

Rikku (waving a hand in front of her face): Rumo Cred! (Holy Shit!)

Yuna (trying to restrain a giggle): There’s nothing holy about that!

Paine: I guess that his true calling is from nature.

The three women giggle, along with the crew, Clasko looks like he’s going to die.

Scene finished in one take, the fart is edited out.

                                             * ~ * ~ *

Gippal interviews the girls’ scene.

Gippal: You, uh, here for an interview?

Yuna: Uh-huh.

Gippal: The great high summoner wants an interview?

Yuna: Former summoner.

Gippal: Hm. All right, follow me.

Yuna’s group follows Gippal outside of the temple. Outside, Yuna’s group approaches the bridge where Gippal is.

Gippal: Never been this close to a celebrity before.

Yuna: That’s nice.

Gippal: I could get used to this.

Yuna: Let’s not.

Gippal: Well, if it isn’t Cid’s girl. How you been?

Rikku: Hey, I have a name!

Gippal: Heh. Brother doin’ okay?

Rikku: Same as ever. Buddy’s around, too.

Gippal: Same as ever is right. (looking at Paine) You!

Paine: Paine. Nice to meet you.

Gippal: Uh-huh?

Paine: We’re here for the interview.

Gippal (smiling): Well if that’s what you really want.

Gippal and Paine grab each other and begin making out fast and furious. The crew gasps and then starts to laugh.

Yuna (with a shocked laugh): What the hell?

Gippal takes a break and looks up an embarrassed Yuna and Rikku

Gippal: What? This is how I interview gorgeous young women.

Same scene, take two.

Gippal and Paine do the same thing as before.

Director (O.S.): Cut!!!

Gippal (looking up at him): I’m not stopping.

The crew laughs, everyone goes on a lunch break.

Scene finished in three takes.

                                            * ~ * ~ *

Yuna and the girls meet up with Isaaru at Yunalesca’s chamber scene.

Isaaru reveals himself after the girls call him out. Yuna looks at him and frowns.

Yuna: Um, what are you doing?

Isaaru attempts to say his line, but steps on a monkey’s tail by accident, and slips down the stairs again.

Yuna: Isaaru!

Rikku and Paine: Are you all right?

A crew member rushes toward the stairs and helps the man up. He’s battered and bruised, but he has a smile on his face, and gives the thumb up signal.

Same scene, second take

Yuna: Um, what are you doing?

Isaaru: My job. I bring excitement to those who come to see this sacred place. (A monkey skitters near him as he speaks) I too once traveled with the hope of seeing (the monkey gets a little bit closer to him) this place one day. Working here somehow, (the monkey decides to “attack” and scrambles up his pant leg) WHAT THE FUCK?!

Isaaru is scrambling to get the monkey out of his pants, while the crew laughs and tries to help him out.

Isaaru: I knew she liked me but this is ridiculous! (He kicks his legs to try and dislodge her from his pants)

The crew manages to get the monkey out by removing his pants and getting her attention with a banana.

Same scene, take three

Isaaru: . . . I too once traveled with the (the monkey leaps up at his face, and tries to get down his shirt).

Isaaru (shouting): Oh come on people! (Another monkey hurries toward his leg as the crew laughs their asses off). Hey that’s not a banana! (He tries to carefully take the shirt away from the monkey, but she buries herself further into his shirt).

Director (O.S.): Someone take care of the monkeys’ please!

Same scene, take four

Isaaru: I too traveled with the hope of seeing this place one day, working here somehow fulfils that wish.

Yuna: I see.

Isaaru: I must apologize for the quiz. Here’s something for your trouble.

Yuna received Heart Reborn Garment Grid.

Isaaru: 'Kay! Thanks for coming! And remember, the ruins of Zanarkand will be waiting!

Isaaru left the scene.

Paine: Ex-summoners come in all flavors.

Yuna: (giggles) Apparently Isaaru’s is banana!

The crew and cast scream with laughter.

Isaaru (O.S.): Not funny, Yuna!

The scene if finished in four takes. Isaaru is promised that all monkeys have been taken off of the set and into another room before he will try the scene again.

                                            * ~ * ~ *

The girls find the broken sphere under Zanarkand scene.

Rikku: We done here?

Paine: The sphere oscillo-finder picked up a signal. There should still

be a sphere nearby.

Yuna: Oh.

Rikku: Right.

Paine: Okay, let’s try this again.

Yuna’s group moves on. In the area with a sphere…

Rikku: Aha! Found you!

A shaking can be heard and Guardian Beast appeared.

Paine: We’re not alone.

Rikku: Think we need a password?

Paine: How about “kick…its…ass.”

The Guardian Beast stalks toward them, then pauses and falls down, it’s lower jaw slipping off of its upper one.

Electric crew (O.S.): The Guardian Beast is broken, repeat, the Guardian Beast is broken.

Rikku: Well duh!

Yuna (giggles): Hope you got a good warrantee for it!

Three weeks later, the Guardian Beast is fixed, and the scene is finished on the second take.

                                            * ~ * ~ *

Nooj addresses his followers outside of Kilika scene

Nooj: Greetings, friends! An important sphere is hidden in Kilika Temple. A sphere documenting the true history of Spira. We are here today to demand that New Yevon make the contents of that sphere public. Yet, as always, the voice seeking truth goes ignored. My friends, I ask you: why?

A very small girl in the crowd: Because they’re all stupid, ugly, stinky breath, poopie heads!

The cast and crew look at the small girl and burst into hysterical laughter.

Nooj (laughing): Well, I suppose that’s one way of putting it.

Same scene, take nine.

After eight previous takes no one can control their laughter, and the scene is canceled for the next day.

Same scene, take ten.

Nooj: . . .My friends, I ask you:

At that moment someone let’s loose a massive, earth shattering belch.

Paine (blandly): Cute.

Nooj (trying to continue his dialogue amongst laughter and moans, finally letting the smell get to him): What in the heck crawled down your throat when you were sawing logs last night?

There are a few bits of laughter, and a few moans at his joke.

Scene finished in twelve takes.

Author’s notes: Well, this is part one of a four part series for FF X-2. Each chapter is going to deal with one of the actual chapters of the game. True, there are five chapters in the game, but part four in the game, will be part of part three in my series, because it is so short. Until I have the whole series, I am going to publish this on the forums. Once I have all four parts, I am going to submit it to Weiila the regular story site, so you can have all four parts in one neat package. So go ahead, post and let me know what you think of it.

                                                             Chapter Two

Second group of bloopers – Yuna’s Nightmare

Yuna and Tidus run through the halls of underground Bevelle, trying to catch their breath. Behind them run the armed forces of the Warrior Monks of Bevelle. They finally catch Tidus and Yuna, holding each other, as the lights flicker on. Behind them is the same machina that she saw in the sphere. The soldiers aim, and ready themselves for firing their bullets.

Soldiers (pretending to fire their weapons): BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!!!

Yuna and Tidus look in shock at first, and then with sly smiles pretend to fall to the floor. Yuna hits the ground first, and Tidus catches his breath.

Tidus: Oh my God, they killed Yuna!!!

Director (O.S.): You bastards!

The cast laughs and preps for the next take.

Scene ends in two takes.

                                   * ~ * ~ *

Nooj confronts the Gullwings in his tent scene:

Nooj: So, did you watch it?

Rikku: Well um, you see… I, uh… Um, uh… Heheh?

Yuna: We did.

Nooj: Forget.

Yuna: I’m afraid I cannot.

Paine: Yuna! Don’t let him push you around.

Nooj: Some advice: That…thing… The colossus you saw is known as

Vegnagun. It possesses overwhelming destructive power. . . .,

Rikku: So it’s a weapon of mass destruction then?

Nooj frowns, Rikku is clearly not following the script, but he decides to ad lib.

Nooj: It is.

Rikku (smiling): So, like, does George W Bush know about it?

The crew groans as the director let out a chuckle.

Paine (playing along, shielding her eyes and looking out to the horizon): Is that Marines I see coming?

Director (O.S.): Naw, no oil fields for him to capture, even if there’s a weapon of mass destruction.

Same scene: take two.

Yuna: Tell me… Who was the man I saw in the sphere?

Nooj: Looks like a harmless little fuzz ball to me.

Paine: Damn Rush Limbaugh’s really lost a lot of weight!

Rikku (under her breath): Crazy person of mass destruction.

Nooj: Isn’t that Orson Wells’ title?

Director (O.S.): Focus people! And for the record, Crazy person of mass destruction belongs to William Shatner. Or maybe Mel Brooks.

Rikku: That’s a Republican for you.

Nooj: Hey! I happen to be a Republican!

Paine: So do I!!!

Yuna (giggles): I’m a Libertarian.

Everyone looks at her in shock.

Rikku: And you haven’t been committed why?

Yuna: And what party to you belong to?

Rikku: The East Coast party!!! Cause an East Coast party don’t stop!!!

Lucil (O.S.): Isn’t that a West Coast Party?!

Yuna: Rikku, seriously.

Rikku: Fine, I’m a member of the Reform Party.

Paine: Oh, yeah, talk about being needed to be committed. One candidate who can’t decide if he wants to run or not, and another who leaves my party for convictions set forth in the nineteenth century.

Rikku: Hey!

Yuna: Don’t forget Jesse Ventura!

Rikku (Sighing): Why do I even bother?

Crew erupts into political arguments far into the night. The director tries to flush himself down the toilet, gets committed the next day.

Scene finished in two takes.

                          *~ * ~ * 

The Luca Interview Scene

Shelinda: Hello, and good afternoon, Luca! This is Shelinda, bringing you all the latest news from throughout Spira. These days, everyone’s talking about the groups battling throughout Spira for control of the spheres. Let’s start with the Youth League. From its leader Meyvn Nooj on down, their ranks are made up mostly of former Crusaders. Fresh off the attack on Kilika Temple, the Youth League is sending shockwaves

throughout Spira. Pairing off against them is none other than New Yevon. All eyes were on them after the New Yevon chairman’s sudden resignation. Chaos seemed inevitable. But their newly appointed leader, Praetor Baralai, has held them together with utmost finesse. Another group turning a lot of heads is the Machine Faction, an Al Bhed

organization. They’ve managed to distance themselves from the sphere struggle embroiling Spira. But their unmatched technological prowess could well be enough to dramatically shift the balance of power. And let’s not forget the Leblanc Syndicate, the gang with a style all its own. Headquartered at Chateau Leblanc in Guadosalam, its agents span the globe. But lately there’s one group in particular that’s been drawing all kinds of attention. That’s right, the only group led by a high summoner, the Gullwings! And now, here’s today’s special guest! High Summoner Yuna!

Yuna: Huh?

Paine: Break a leg.

Yuna begins to walk towards Shelinda and trips on pool of water. Trips and snaps her leg

Paine: I didn’t mean that literally DAMN ITTTTTT!!!

Same Scene Take two, weeks later.

Paine: Break a leg.

Shelinda: Lady Yuna, your concert the other day was nothing short of

spectacular!

Yuna: Well, it was sort of me up there, but not exactly…

Shelinda: Puzzling words, to be sure. And speaking of puzzling, why the

sudden career change to sphere hunting? It sounds like you caused quite

a stir with that disappearing act you pulled on Besaid.

Yuna: And I’m very sorry about that.

Shelinda: Rumor has it you left the island looking for clues about a

certain young man. Anything you can share with us?

Yuna: That’s right.

Shelinda: So, tell us about him.

Yuna: Well, he’s kind of blonde, five foot two, eyes of blue. . .,

Paine (sighing): She’s going to break into song, isn’t she?

Rikku (giggling): She could at least try a song from her own generation.

Director (O.S.): Yuna, behave!

Yuna (smiling): Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Same Scene take three.

Shelinda: Rumor has it you left the island looking for clues about a

certain young man. Anything you can share with us?

Yuna: That’s right.

Shelinda: So, tell us about him.

Tidus walks up wearing a gray trenchcoat, and Humphrey Bogart swagger, and sighs.

Tidus (trying to do his best Humphrey Bogart accent): Of all the interviews in all the towns in Spira, she has to walk into mine.

Director (O.S.): Will you kids please FFFFFFFOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUSSSSSSS!!! Damn it anyway! I’m beginning to see why there hasn’t been a send up sequel to a Final Fantasy game yet.

Cloud Strife walks up and takes the mike from Shelinda: This is a travesty! This is why there should have been a FINAL FANTASY VII sequel in the first place.

Zell Dincht (O.S.): The HELL IT SHOULD!!!

Zell rushes up and pushes Cloud.

Zell: Everyone knows there should be a FINAL FANTASY VIII-2! There are too many plot holes in our script not to be.

Cloud: Like what?!

Zell: Like the fact that no one knows if Ultimicia and Rinoa are the one and the same!

Everyone groans and rolls their eyes. Meanwhile Shadow sneaks up behind Zell and pastes a kick the Chicken-Wuss paper on Zell’s back.

Tidus (Screaming at the top of his lungs): HEY THIS IS OUR GAME!!! GET YOUR OWN GOD DAMNED SEQUELS.

Aeris Gainsborough (O.S.): At least you get to come back, I was killed off early in my game!

Tidus: You got to make a cameo in Tactics and played in Kingdom Hearts, I had to stand aside to let some snot nosed kid take my place in that game.

Aeris (smiling): Ah, Kingdom Hearts, who knew Goofy was such a good kisser?

Cloud (swinging to Aeris): WHAT THE FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!

Goofy stomps on screen.

Goofy: Now look here, little lady, that was supposed to be a secre. . . ,” Goofy trips over a power cord and plummets into the ocean near Luca bay, taking out the entire cameras and set up.

Goofy: YEEEEEEEHHHEEEEEHHAAAAAAAHHOOOOOOOOOE!!!

Rikku: Okay now I’m getting totally weirded out.

Donald Duck comes waddling past, shaking his feathered fist at the clumsy dog.

Donald Duck: You big Balooka! Look what you’ve done now!

Yuna: Seriously.

The director sighed and orders security to remove the outsiders.

Director: Damn it! Get it together!!!

Scene finished in four takes.

· ~ * ~ *

Mount Gagazet hot springs bathing scene.

The girls rise to play fight, after Rikku annoys both Yuna and Paine about their suits.

Yuna slips behind Rikku and put her into a full nelson.

Paine: Where were we?

Rikku: I didn’t mean it!

Paine & Yuna: Too late!

While play fighting, Yuna’s group gets a transmission from Brother.

Brother: Yuna, what’s all the noise?

Yuna: Just taking a little dip.

Brother: Y meddma dip! (A little dip!) Code pink! I’ll be there right

now!

Brother’s body drops from the sky, totally naked as he screams at the top of his lungs.

Rikku (screaming at the top of her lungs, clutching her face): So aoac! SO AAAOOOAAAACCCC!!! E’S PMEHT!!! (My eyes! MY EEEYYYEEEESSSS!!! I’M BLIND!!!).

George W. Bush (O.S.): That is totally unacceptable for a game of this rating!

The president stomps on the scene with the director, the emperor of Japan, and ex-president Bill Clinton.

George Bush: This country is sick, it needs to be added to the Axis of Evil! There better not be any oil in this country!!!

Director: Er, Mr. President, this is a movie set, for a video game.

The emperor of Japan sighs and bows in apology for the president.

Bill Clinton (gawking at Rikku): You know, I’m looking for a new intern for my new business venture, can you type?

Before she can answer that she is creeped out, Hilary Clinton comes out of no where and beats the living hell out of him, finishing him off with a Big Bang Attack.

Hilary: My training with Vegeta has paid off, now I’m off to challenge Goku in the world martial arts championship.

Hilary Clinton powers up, screaming as raw yellow energy pulses through her veins. There’s a light blast and when it clears, Hilary is floating in the air, covered with dark blonde hair, with a monkey tail, and squinted green eyes, her hair is ten feet long. She screams again, and flies off into the distance.

Director of Final Fantasy X-2 (In shock): Wow, who knew Hilary Clinton was a Saiyin all this time?

George W. Bush stomps his foot and glares in the direction of Hilary.

George: That’s not fair, I wanted to challenge Goku! He taps a button on his watch and Ben Stein comes out of no where, right along with Rush Limbaugh, Dick Chaney, and his brother Jeb. They pose for a few minutes and then all push buttons on their watches.

Another flash of light, and they become multicolored superheros in spandex. Then the face of Pope John Paul II flashes overhead in the sky and looks down at them.

Pope J.P.II (like Zordon from the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers): Conserva Rangers, the world is in danger, the evil nation of France is forcing everyone to eat their croissants, buy their cheap cologne, and feed their poodles, you must go to Paris and stop this madness at once!

A large mecha harmless little fuzzball, a large flying saber, a robotic sign with a picture of the courts crossed out, a robotic one hundred dollar bill, and a walking oil can come out of no where and the “heros” leave to save the day.

Bill Clinton: Paris? Wait, I want to come with you, I’ve always wanted to meet her.

The emperor of Japan slaps Bill Clinton in the head as he shakes his head.

Emperor: Paris, France, you idiot, not Paris Hilton!!!

Paine: Is there anyone here that knows what’s going on, or am I the only one who’s confused?

The crew shakes its head, and tries the scene again

Scene finished in three takes.