…yeah- the title pretty much says it all. Last night I dreamt about my past in this life and the people in it, although it was fucked up.
The first guy I met was someone whose friendship with me was destroyed by their destructive binges. Even though he went to rehab, he would not forgive me for not putting up with him when he was an alcoholic. In the dream, I said “hello” and he just glared at me. He was also with some girl that he was with in highschool briefly, which made no sense since the alcoholism thing was very recent (within the past year).
Then I met some other friend of mine in the past, whom I have just lost touch with. I spoke with him, and apparently he has already had two wives and a husband (not in that order), and someone that I don’t know said that it’s somehow better off that he’s not married anymore. I don’t really understand. He was building his own house by scratch, even though I said that it wasn’t REALLY by scratch because he was using a tool called the “Autohammer” (which is from Germany), a big purple Dr. Suessian hammer. He thought that he was Jesus Christ, but I didn’t believe him. Looking back, he probably was supposed to be Jesus in the dream, which is great because just thinking about a black bisexual Jesus would make people like Falwell faint. :chupon:
In the next part of my journey, I met with a girl that I used to talk about here all the time (probably the first one I angsted about here, and I angsted for a long time). Well, we both fell out with each other when she realized that I was a whiny, irritating sycophant (at the time) and I realized she was a self centered, delusional bitch. That really has nothing to do with the dream, though. After visiting Jesus’ house, he showed me a door that led to the Temple, which had all the Gods that ever existed, and she was to be my guide. So she led me to all these Gods whom I do not remember, for there was only one really important part. She led me to the Pirana God, whom I remember she remarked was Neutral Evil (God I’ve been playing too much Baldur’s Gate II/Icewind Dale II/NWN/D+D 3.5). Well, for some reason, this God was considered the God of Truth, but in order to receive the Truth, I needed to make a sacrifice. So she asked me how to spell right and I said, “Which write?” Then, while I was distracted, she bit my neck, and dripped my blood into a vial, which she gave the Pirana God.
What the God told me was that if I am to be a warrior, that I should not always struggle against fate as I seem to do so. That the struggle only kills faster. When I asked him what he meant, he only said “Watch out for trains,” which was clearly taken from the Dark Tower books, so I’m not worried about that. The girl said she thought that it meant that I should stop defending lost causes, for the best is yet to come. Although that fits with my life, I’m not sure that it is really what the Pirana was trying to say. Perhaps it is pointless to discuss, but what do you think he means? I’ve thought that maybe it means that I worry way too much and that I should just like, go with the flow, man… but maybe the girl is right- since it seems to be talking more about my past than the present. But perhaps it’s telling me to apply something from the past to the present.
The most odd thing about this dream is that I really don’t think about the people in the dream frequently at all. Also, I just have a feeling that the dream hasn’t ended yet. I’ve had dreams pick up from where they’ve left off before, and I think that this is going to be another one of those.
But yeah, anyway, this dream reminded me in a tangental way of how much I’ve changed. I don’t talk to much of anyone anymore… I don’t trust people with my secrets as I used to (except my girlfriend, with whom I would trust my life). I don’t desperately cling to people that I’m better off without… emotional leeches, self-loathing pricks, or faux-humble stargazing hippies. Of course, I’m just as judgmental, but at least I’m very honest about it. That’s another thing that’s changed about me… I don’t lie nearly as much as I used to. When I was in highschool I’d say that about half of what I said was a self-destructive lie. Now I’m pretty fucking blunt. Why the sudden change? I don’t know. I have a feeling (like I said) that the dream isn’t over.
Sorry about that, I just wanted to ramble about that. Feel free to ignore this rant if you feel like it. Thanks for listening, for those of you that did.