Bill Brasky's a Sonuva Bitch

So, my rl friends (known online as Rambler and Gandlion) were excited about the fact that I (due to DT’s help) was able to find the <A HREF=“”>origin of the bunchie</A> (<A HREF=“”>see other thread</A>). In their excitement, they started talking me up to their WoW guild, comparing me to the great Bill Brasky (also because they’re trying to get me into their guild for some reason). Thus, it devolved into just a Bill Brasky post. I thought we could do the same, and I thought I’d start with their posts:

[quote=<A HREF=“”>Other Forum’s Thread</A>]<B>Rambler</B>: I heard that [character] uses the bones of still born children to deodorize his fridge.
He scissor kicked Angela Lansbury.

<B>Gandlion</B>: I heard his family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

<B>Rambler</B>: They used his foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.

<B>Gandlion</B>: He’ll eat a homeless person if you dare him.

<B>Rambler</B>: [Character] took me out to get a drink. We went out looking for a bar and couldnt find one. Finally he takes me to a vacent lot and says, “Here we are!.” We sat there for a year and a half, and sure enough, someone constucted a bar arround us. The day they opened it we ordered a shot, drank it and burned the place to the ground. [Character] yelled over the roar of the flames, “Always leave things the way you find them!”

<B>Gandlion</B>: Like an alligator, he can fully digest a turtle shell.

<B>Rambler</B>: There is no evolution, only a list of creatures that [character] has allowed to live.

<B>Gandlion</B>: His poop is considered currency in Argentina.

<B>Rambler</B>: He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

<B>Gandlion</B>: He once ate a bible while water-skiing.

<B>Rambler</B>: He once had sex with a cigarette machine.

<B>Gandlion</B>: I masturbate to the Teletubbies.

<B>Rambler</B>: …

<B>Gandlion</B>: His semen can form a liquid human… like the guy from Terminator 2.

<B>Rambler</B>: If you drop a phonograph needle on his nipple it plays the Beach Boys’ “Pet Sounds”

<B>Gandlion</B>: You know, the story of Johnny Appleseed is based on [character], except for the part about planting all those apple trees… and not raping men.

<B>Rambler</B>: I once asked [character] to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party for my kids. He shows up as Santa, reaches into his bag, and says “I’ve got some goodies for you kids.” He then proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes. Then he takes off his beard, and says “there is no Santa 'cause I ate him!”

<B>Gandlion</B>: He hates mexicans… and he’s half mexican… and he HATES irony!

<B>Rambler</B>: He punched a hole in a cow, just so he could see who was coming up the road.

<B>Gandlion</B>: He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.

<B>Rambler</B>: He got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz steak… the afterbirth was sauteed mushrooms!

<B>Gandlion</B>: If you can see [character] he can see you.

<B>Rambler</B>: If you can’t see [character], you’re seconds away from death.

<B>Gandlion</B>: [Character] uses a night light, but not because he’s afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.

<B>Rambler</B>: [Character] frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.

<B>Gandlion</B>: When he does push-ups, he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the world down.

<B>Rambler</B>: Jesus’ birthday isn’t December 25th, but [character] once sent him a birthday card on that day. Jesus was too scared to tell him the truth. That’s why we celebrate Christmas.

<B>Gandlion</B>: [Character] sleeps 8 hours a day… well, he’s pretty normal about that.

<B>Rambler</B>: When you ask [character] the time, he always answers “two seconds 'till.” If you ask him “two seconds 'till what,” he roundhouse kicks you to the face.

<B>Gandlion</B>: [Character] ALWAYS knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

<B>Rambler</B> [Character] eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. He then uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to shoot a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people call this the circle of life.

<B>Gandlion</B>: There is no such thing as global warming, [character] was simply cold, so he turned up the sun.

<B>Rambler</B>: When [character] goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

<B>Ponter</B>: [Character] is the reason Waldo is hiding.

<B>Ponter</B>: [Character] can burn ants with a magnifying glass… at night.

<B>Ponter</B>: [Character] played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun… and won.[/quote]

Ponter is apparantly their guild leader. I haven’t met him before, but he posted some Brasky-style jokes, so I transcribed them. Anyway, that was way longer than I thought. Feel free to add any others that you might know.

This reminds me of something: That was such an awesome thread.

A lot of those are just ripoffs of… Chuck Norris facts! Don’t fuck with Chuck.

Bill Brasky and Chuck Norris once had a baby together. That baby later grew up to be ClothHat.

And the Chuck Norris jokes are rip offs of the original Bill Brasky jokes, some of which are direct clones of Brasky jokes.

My stomach hurts from laughing so hard, and I had to spend a minute wiping the tears from my eyes.

Who the hell is Bill Brasky?

Holy crap, Sat.

People are looking at me weird now because I’m sitting at my desk laughing maniacally for no aparrent reason.

EDIT: Cid, Bill Brasky is a character from a Saturday Night Live skit.

Another crazy show I never saw before!


Best damn Salesman in the office.

i just found out about those things last night! those are hilarious.

He’s a big fella… >_>

Wow… I can’t believe I remember that skit… I love this forum!

Mr. Saturn is 90 feet tall and remembers all the names of the forgotten gods. He has arms like tree trunks, and hair…red…like the <i>fires of hell</i>.

arms and legs. he’d look funny with tree trunk arms and toothpick legs.

Mr. Saturn once ate a Girl Scout alive because she was out of cookies.




Another version

Keep refreshing.

I really like the one about blappers.