There have been many silly fighting game characters throughout the ages. Many were meant to have some use, while others were just there as jokes. However, none have matched the sheer levels of amazement that is this character:
SENATOR, FROM ETERNAL CHAMPIONS CD! (A pic is coming soon).
You know all those stupid politicians that blame video game violence on all the problems in society? Well, here’s the ultimate jab at them: put a US Senator (fictional, of course) into quite possibly the most violent game ever created! And not only that, it’s a corrupt Republican senator! Can it get any more real than that?
He even has a set of politically-motivated specials:
RED TAPE: He throws a bunch of red tape at his opponent. The projectile is slow-moving, but it can eat through any other projectiles and covers the poor sap in so much red tape that they can’t even move!
VETO: He throws a sticker that reads “Veto”. If it connects, the opponent cannot walk or block; they can only attack.
IMPEACH: He can make himself completely invisible, and attack opponents from all corners!
BAN VIOLENCE: He throws a sticker that reads “Ban”. If it connects, the opponent cannot attacks; they can only move and block!
DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY: He can wave an American flag around, and through the magic that is this country, become completely invincible!
DONATE: He carries a magic wallet with him. When he wants some funds, all he has to do is open it. A lightning bolt will strike whoever is nearby and turn them upside-down, causing their cash to fall out of their pockets and get sucked into his wallet!
MUD SLINGER: He can make himself look pure good while his opponent looks pure evil. Nobody would vote against him after using this attack!
And let’s not forget his powerful skill moves:
REBUTTAL: He can hide behind a podium, which bares a magical American flag! All projectiles are bounced back to their commie users when this is wielded!
VOTER PIN STAB: Like all good politicians, he has an assortment of campaign badges! Too bad he can’t pin them as well as he can help rule the free world!
KICKBACK: With a punch, a kick, and a whole lot of hits, he can pull off a champion combo…FOR DEMOCRACY!
SNEAK ATTACK: Assassins, beware! He can vanish into thin-air and reappear above you, his foot ready to crush your atheist head into a bloody pulp!
And let’s not forget his charming finishers, many of which are curtosy of D.C:
VENDETTA: Our hero also works as a mere postal worker, and when the communist bastards threaten the god-fearing people of America, he’ll be there! Armed with his beloved Uzi 9mm, he’ll turn those bastards into swiss chess…OF DEMOCRACY!
OVERKILL: Washington D.C. is ready for any threat! When need be, our hero can push a button, and launch a nuke anywhere! The only problem comes when the attack is on D.C. itself…but our hero is not THAT DUMB…is he?
SUDDEN DEATH: He has friends everywhere, it seems! The mere sewer workers of America hate communists as much as he does, and will not hesitate to blow their godless asses away! In fact, that’s what they’ll do if the foolish opposers of freedom get by their manhole! They’ll blow them all the way to the Washington Memorial!
And that’s all I can say about our beloved hero, the Senator. So go get your hands on this game (either through eBay or ISO) and champion the way of truth, justice, and the American way!