As yet unnamed

Just a little something I had to write, start of a new fic for me. It’s X-Files, but there’s not enough to matter what the universe is. Tell me what you think.

Word of warning- definitely not for the kids.

Chicago Penitentiary
6:34 PM
September 24

“So Max- Can I call you Max? How about ‘Sal’? Can I call you Sal? So tell me Sal-”

A laugh was twitching behind Mulder’s poker face. Scully had to admit, Pralec certainly had a ‘unique’ interrogation style.

“-I heard you went bitch in prison. Which is cool, I guess some people like sucking dick. I wouldn’t mention it except I know this guy who also likes dick. I thought you might know each other.”

The interrogee in question, Maxamillian Barnett, was now confused and angry. Scully could see there was a method to Pralec’s apparent madness.

“So when the word was out that there was some faggot killin’ going on downtown, I thinks to meself, ‘Who would know more about faggots than my old pal Sal’? Ooh, how about I call you Pal Sal. Or Sal My Pal. Or Sal-”

Pralec was starting to piss her off, and she was behind the mirrored window. Barnett snapped.

“What the FUCK is wrong with you man? You dragged my ass out here to play some fucking name games?!”

“Sal, man, you got me all wrong. I just wanted to ask you a few questions, maybe you could help me out.”

“Stop calling me Sal!”

“My game, my names, Sal. You know anything about a club called ‘The Uptown Dive’?”

Pralec’s sudden straight-to-the-point question caught Barnett off guard, and the lie was blatant.

“What? No.”

“Really? That’s funny, because we have a couple of people that put you there before you were picked up.”

“They’re full of shit man.”

“No, I think you’re full of shit Sal, and thus I dub thee Shitbrick. Shitbrick, why are you lying to me?”

“I ain’t.”

“‘I ain’t’? ‘I ain’t’? Are you in New York or Little Rock, Shitbrick?”


“Shut up. We know, that you, were at, that club, two weeks ago, on Wednesday. DENY IT!”


“Tell you what Shitbrick Sal. You tell me that you were there, and I won’t have you moved down to Cellblock B.”

Pralec was putting his cards on the table, threatening to move Barnett to a cellblock filled with rival gang members.

“They’re already gonna cut you Shitty Sal Brick Boy. Just imagine what they’ll do when they find out you’re a fag.”

Barnett folded.

“…I was there, yeah.”

“Well hot damn, I’ll alert the media! And whatd’ya see?”

Barnett was shifting nervously in his chair. Mulder leaned forward almost imperceptibly in anticipation. She knew he expected his theories to be borne out. She had her doubts.

“I saw, a uh…”


“Dude, will you shut the hell up already! Fuck, I’m trying to talk here.”

“Really? 'Cause it seems to me more like, I don’t know, like you were stu-stu-stu-stuttering and staaaaaaaallliiing.”

“Man, you really a cop? You’re fucking crazy man.”

“My sanity is not in question. Your ass virginity is.”

“Look, it was dark.”

“Yeah, that’s sort of what happens at night. See, the Earth actually revolves around the Sun, seriously, I think you’ll get a kick out of this, and-”

“And I was walking by the alley.”

“No, you were in the alley. What did I say about lying Brick Shitting Sal?”

“Fine, fuck, I was in the alley.”


“Takin’ a smoke. That against the law now?”

“No, but GTA is, and that’s why you’re here. This isn’t incriminating you. Unless you want it to. Do you want it to?”

“Dude, I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“You were in the alley. You were smoking cock, and-”

“A cig motherfucker, I was smoking a cig!”

“You? I doubt it. You seem more like a big ass blunt kind of fuck.”

“Whatever. So there was these two guys down at the other end-”

“A couple?”

“I guess. All I could see was their outlines, you know, like against the streetlight.”

“Ooh, tell me more.”

“So then I looked away for a minute and then I heard screaming, real loud. I looked back to where they were but they were gone.”

“Did you go check it out?”


“What, too pussy to go see what had happened? You leave a shit brick in your pants, Shitbrick?”

“I had a gun, alright fucker, I pulled it to go see. I didn’t want to go down there and get killed too.”

“‘This is what Shitbrick found at the other end of the alley’, you have thirty seconds and must phrase your answer in the form of a question.”

“I found your mom, bitch, for a buck fifty.”

“I’m afraid that’s incorrect. The correct answer would have been, ‘What is your mom for a buck fifty’.”

“Then you know the rest, you’re a fucking cop. Blood everywhere and nothing else. I saw shit and took off running.”

“Hmm. Well that’s real interesting. But see, the thing is, you’re a lying cunt. You’re not telling me something. What?”

“I don’t know what I saw!”

“Maybe so, but there’s a good chance I will since I’m so much smarter than you are.”

“Fuck you man. You didn’t see what I did.”

“Tell me.”

“The sewer. Something came out of the sewer.”

“What? Some guy with a knife, a gangbanger with a bat, a cute little possum, what?”

I don’t know already, fuck. It was black and moving, but not moving very fast. Not faster than a person anyway. I think it dragged them into the sewer too, but like I said, I couldn’t see shit.”

Mulder was a little disappointed that Barnett hadn’t seen more, but what he had seen hadn’t made any dents in the theory either. She personally thought Pralec was right on the money and Barnett had just been high.

Pralec looked at the partition and shrugged, indicating he was satisfied. He waved over at the guards and Barnett was hauled to his feet.

“Okay Sal, ya done good. You can go back to your nice warm sperm soaked cell.”

Barnett’s parting cuss words were cut off by the door shutting.

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