I found this on a Fan Fic site when I looked up KH Fan-Fics…it’s Kingdom Hearts but Ansem replaces Sora.
All of the children were romping about the carefree Destiny Island, doing whatever it is that romping children are wont to do in the gold sunshine. For example:
Riku was dying his hair,
Wakka was practicing his fake Jamaican accent,
Selphie was eating pixie sticks by the dozen.
Tidus was hitting a fence with a bent piece of red PBC pipe and crying,
Kairi was trying to sell her body for a dollar,
And Sora was trying to find a dollar.
All of the romping little children romped in blissfully ignorant happiness, all but one. Little Ansem was not happy. He paced about in his secret underground fortress (The Seaside shack) with anxiety and mal intent.
“Those fools,” he said. “Can’t they see what is happening, the connecting of the worlds? I am so restless here, among these ignorant children as the Darkness slips away and I am left unsatisfied—oof!”
Ansem had tripped over something, it was the glowing Savepoint.
“Curse you Savepoint!”
“It’s alright, Savepoint. You know I could never stay mad at you…” Ansem looked around. “Well, I might as well go and harass the brats into tears.”
Ansem stepped out into the blindingly pleasant sun.
“The light…” He said, as he usually did. “But why?”
“Because of the sun, silly!” said an annoyingly chipper voice.
“You…” was all Ansem could say, as he turned to face Sora.
“Hiya!” Sora said, flashing a classic Hero SmileTM and blinding Ansem once again.
“Curse You!” Ansem said, opening a portal in the ground which flung Sora to the end of the game to be the final boss. It was one of THOSE portals…those end of the game portals.
“Well that’s that,” Ansem said, brushing off his hands.
“Ansem, you lazy bum,” Kairi said, walking up to him. “Were you plotting world domination in your secret lair again?”
“You irritate me.”
“Help me build my raft.”
“HELP ME BUILD MY RAFT!!!”
“Yay,” Kairi skipped away, leaving Ansem hyperventilating and wondering just what went wrong in that little exchange.
Ansem decided to walk it off and encountered Wakka.
“Hey mon you wanna smoke de gange?”
“Um…no. Instead we shall do battle until I gain a level or you die.”
And they did battle, for many days, only no time passed because Ansem did not build the raft, which meant that days simply did not become night. It was really odd. It took Ansem a long, long time to gain a level because he was already level 872.
Meanwhile, Tidus, unaware of when to stop hitting the fence because night never came, passed out from overexertion.
Halfway across the Island Selphie overdosed from pixie sticks, and no one cares.
“YES!” cried Ansem, towering over the bleeding form of Wakka. “I am now level 873!!!”
Ansem strolled merrily across the placid sand, taking in the scent of the emerald sea, somehow calmed by the pleasing sound of the wind in the palm fronds.
“ahh…I am so relaxed.”
“HYE GOT A DOLLR!!$$$”
“AAAAH BY THE DAWN’S EARLY LIGHT!!”
Ansem was faced with a terrifying sight, it was Kairi…she was back.
“Bring me two logs…” she said.
“Is that all you want, why don’t you just get them your—”
“Bring me, also…a rope…”
“Damn it, woman, I am not your lackey—”
“BRING ME BLANKIE!!! LOLZ L337 FREEZ LMAO!!!”
“GOOD GOD OKAY!!”
Ansem made a tactical retreat much more quickly than he should have and promptly tripped over something.
“SAVEPOINT! What are you doing out here? What are all of those things you have there?”
Savepoint stood (sat) next to a pile of objects.
“Well, sir,” said Savepoint. “I have collected a pair of logs, a cloth and a rope…”
“Because I was on a scavenger hunt!”
“Right,” Ansem said, gathering up the items. “Well you won.”
“What do I win?”
“This bit of sand here.”
“I am so happy!” The Savepoint wept for joy as Ansem returned to the annoying girl with a plethora of seemingly useless items.
“Do you want to rest until tomorrow so that this month long day can end?”
“Um no—I mean yes…”