Another Side another story....sort of.

I found this on a Fan Fic site when I looked up KH Fan-Fics…it’s Kingdom Hearts but Ansem replaces Sora.

All of the children were romping about the carefree Destiny Island, doing whatever it is that romping children are wont to do in the gold sunshine. For example:

Riku was dying his hair,

Wakka was practicing his fake Jamaican accent,

Selphie was eating pixie sticks by the dozen.

Tidus was hitting a fence with a bent piece of red PBC pipe and crying,

Kairi was trying to sell her body for a dollar,

And Sora was trying to find a dollar.

All of the romping little children romped in blissfully ignorant happiness, all but one. Little Ansem was not happy. He paced about in his secret underground fortress (The Seaside shack) with anxiety and mal intent.

“Those fools,” he said. “Can’t they see what is happening, the connecting of the worlds? I am so restless here, among these ignorant children as the Darkness slips away and I am left unsatisfied—oof!”

Ansem had tripped over something, it was the glowing Savepoint.

“Curse you Savepoint!”

“Sorry, boss”

“It’s alright, Savepoint. You know I could never stay mad at you…” Ansem looked around. “Well, I might as well go and harass the brats into tears.”

Ansem stepped out into the blindingly pleasant sun.

“The light…” He said, as he usually did. “But why?”

“Because of the sun, silly!” said an annoyingly chipper voice.

“You…” was all Ansem could say, as he turned to face Sora.

“Hiya!” Sora said, flashing a classic Hero SmileTM and blinding Ansem once again.

“Curse You!” Ansem said, opening a portal in the ground which flung Sora to the end of the game to be the final boss. It was one of THOSE portals…those end of the game portals.

“Well that’s that,” Ansem said, brushing off his hands.

“Ansem, you lazy bum,” Kairi said, walking up to him. “Were you plotting world domination in your secret lair again?”

“You irritate me.”

“Help me build my raft.”



“AHHH! OK!!!”

“Yay,” Kairi skipped away, leaving Ansem hyperventilating and wondering just what went wrong in that little exchange.

Ansem decided to walk it off and encountered Wakka.

“Hey mon you wanna smoke de gange?”

“Um…no. Instead we shall do battle until I gain a level or you die.”

And they did battle, for many days, only no time passed because Ansem did not build the raft, which meant that days simply did not become night. It was really odd. It took Ansem a long, long time to gain a level because he was already level 872.

Meanwhile, Tidus, unaware of when to stop hitting the fence because night never came, passed out from overexertion.

Halfway across the Island Selphie overdosed from pixie sticks, and no one cares.

“YES!” cried Ansem, towering over the bleeding form of Wakka. “I am now level 873!!!”


Ansem strolled merrily across the placid sand, taking in the scent of the emerald sea, somehow calmed by the pleasing sound of the wind in the palm fronds.

“ahh…I am so relaxed.”



Ansem was faced with a terrifying sight, it was Kairi…she was back.

“Bring me two logs…” she said.

“Is that all you want, why don’t you just get them your—”

“Bring me, also…a rope…”

“Damn it, woman, I am not your lackey—”



Ansem made a tactical retreat much more quickly than he should have and promptly tripped over something.

“SAVEPOINT! What are you doing out here? What are all of those things you have there?”

Savepoint stood (sat) next to a pile of objects.

“Well, sir,” said Savepoint. “I have collected a pair of logs, a cloth and a rope…”

“That’s spectacular…why?”

“Because I was on a scavenger hunt!”

“Right,” Ansem said, gathering up the items. “Well you won.”

“What do I win?”

“This bit of sand here.”

“I am so happy!” The Savepoint wept for joy as Ansem returned to the annoying girl with a plethora of seemingly useless items.

“Do you want to rest until tomorrow so that this month long day can end?”

“Um no—I mean yes…”

Unfortunately for everyone on Destiny Islands, Riku, Kairi and Sora I MEAN Ansem…still had to divulge in a little bit of cut scene movie magic before the sun could actually decend.

Riku, Sora and Ansem are watching the sun setting orange on the tropical sea, Riku leans on a paopu tree which Ansem and Kairi are sitting upon.

Ansem: So, Kairi’s home is out there somewhere, right?

Riku: Could be, but we’ll never know just sitting around here

Ansem: On your pathetic vessel, you won’t even make it two miles, let alone KINGDOM HEARTS, my ultimate goal of SUPREME DARKNESS!!

Riku: ummmm…I guess if we have to we’ll think of something else.

Ansem: Damn straight you will…

Kairi: So suppose you get to another world –Insert annoying laugh— what would you do when you got there?

Ansem: Feed souls of the living to the Heartless

Riku: Male modeling

Kairi: OO

Later, as they are walking away

Riku: Hey Ansem, catch!

Riku throws a silly yellow star shaped poisonous fruit at Ansem.

Riku: You wanted one of these, right?

Ansem: …no vaporizes it

Riku: OO You frighten me in ways unimaginable…


Riku: And where did Sora go?

Ansem: Um…go to bed.

Mako: I was thinking that I would skip this stupid cinema at Mickey Castle entirely, but Censor Moogle was bitching and so I will just abridge it with extreme prejudice…

Donald: NOTE!

Goofy: Zzzzzz what?

Minney: Where’s mah man?

Donald: Up and left

Daisy: Well shi’t!

Back on the island

Ansem: Farse Jamaican!

Wakka: Ya mon?

Ansem: Where did the irritating girl known as Kairi traverse to?

Wakka: Mon she be on de other side of de Island, mon!

Ansem:You mean that other side of the island that has, up until this point in our lives, been completely closed for no logical reason?

Wakka: Ya mon!

Ansem: I hope there are no palm trees…I hate those.

Wakka: Um, mon?..oh…never mind

Ansem goes to the mysterious other side of the island, there are palm trees (Ansem: DRAT!!) and Riku is waiting there, with the patience of an NPC.

Riku: I want to name the raft the Highwind, what would you call it?

Ansem: Highwind, why that’s a fine name! Good work!

Riku: Um…you have to choose your OWN name for the ship.

Ansem: Ah! Alright then, how about the Rising Thunder Twilights Final Breath Ragnazoid Darkness Swift Galleon of Perpetual Discomfort!

Riku: Um…yeah. Let’s have a race…

Ansem: Boy what an odd request, alright, if I win, I am the Supreme Ruler of the Craft!

Riku: If I win, I get to share the Paopu with Kairi.

Ansem: Um…you know that those are poisonous, right?

Kairi: Are you guys at it…for the first time. Well on my count I suppose. Ready? GO!

Riku takes off running, while Ansem simply teleports to the oddly shaped tree and back. Eventually Riku comes back.

Riku: Um…about that Paopu thing, it was a joke…right?

Ansem: What Paopu thi…OH! I had totally forgotten.

Riku: --()

Later on Kairi is sitting on the dock with Ansem, watching the sunset once again.

Kairi: Ansem, let’s take the raft and go! Just the two of us.

Ansem: Oh dear God not on your life

Meanwhile, back in Mickeyland:

Daisy: Perplexion

Minnie: Loving trust

Goofy: Gwarsh!

Minnie: OH YES, be sure to bring this tiny, tiny little chronicler with you, he doesn’t eat much.

Goofy: Where? steps on Jiminy woops

Minnie: Oh dear…hmmmm…well I suppose we have no choice then but to give you his understudy.

She brings out a steel box and opens it and out jumps a tiny, tiny Sephiroth. Sephiroth had a terrible accident involving three Tonberries and a deck of cards in which…well that story isn’t important, basically now he is very small and he is going to take Jiminy’s place.

Donald: &&#(h((

Goofy: Aw Donald, no one can understand a word you say.

Donald: AHEM, Let’s go.

Goofy: We gotta protect the world border!

Donald: Order!

Goofy’s face shows no sign of change, but deep in his eyes something snaps. But nevertheless Donald, Goofy and Pluto the dog who can’t talk set off on their silly ship.

Meanwhile, in Ansem’s room:

Ansem, playing Bop It: I just cant Bop it! Seem to do this! twist it It will say Bop It, my mind will initiate the Bopping but instead I end up Twisting it, or even dropping it.

Ansem takes a chance look out the window and sees a huge storm over the island.

Ansem: AH! A storm of SUPREME DARKNESS, what a joyful fun, maybe I can play Slip and Slide with Savepoint! He departs

Ansem’s Mom: Ansem, dinner’s ready! It’s filleted soul of the Innocent! Ansem?

At the Island

Ansem flies over the dock

Ansem: Why look, there are Kairi and Riku’s weak little vessels!

He flies to the odd growth of land, where stands RIKU

Riku: The door…has opened

Ansem: Yo Momma’s door got opened

Riku: Now we can go see the outside world!

Ansem: Oh thank GOD! I was so sick of you people I—

Riku: Kairi’s coming with us

Ansem: NOOOOO!

Riku: I’m not afraid of the Darkness!

Ansem: Me either!..wait, did you have a point?

they start getting swallowed by darkness YES SUPREEEEEME DARKNESS!

The Darkness spits Ansem back out, he is now holding something in his hand.

Ansem: WAIT!! Take me WITH you!

He jumps up at the swirly ball of darkness and the planet explodes underneath him

Ansem: RATS!

He is standing on a chunk of debris and looks down at the Keyblade in his hand, it looks a little fruity.

Disembodied words: Keyblade…Keyblade…Keyblade…Keyblade

Ansem: Now just what the HELL is this?

Disembodied words: KEYBLADE!!

Ansem: Oh yes that’s right…ha what do I do with it snort OPEN REALLY BIG DOORS HAHAHAHA ha ha hoooo sniff

SUDDENLY a huge shadow looms over Ansem, he looks back and BEHOLDS…


Mako, and sensor moogle are people who made this.

Hope you like it!

Did you just post this for us to read instead of wanting criticism? Because that’s really an abysmal fanfic.

It’s not mine, I just thought it was funny. But, it does have bad spelling in it…

Bad spelling is not CLOSE to the only problem.

  1. Script form. I cannot heap enough hatred on this type of writing. Occasionally you get a story that does it right, but script form is generally incapable of expressing emotions, conveying interest, or in general holding an audience.

  2. Crappy OOC characters. Ansem playing Bop It? That’s just unbelievably stupid.

  3. The first chapter does use paragraph form, but it’s horrible. You can rarely tell who’s speaking.

  4. Sora is IN the first chapter, so why is Ansem replacing him?

  5. There’s a complete lack of plot.

  6. It’s like a fanfic version of Airplane, and by that I mean not one joke is funny.