An epiphany I just had.

I just realized something while I went running. For the last year and a half or so (ever since I got off of active duty) I’ve been pretty depressed. I may not have shown it at the meets, but I was (and still am). However, on the run I just took, I realized what the source of my depression was. The root of it all and why I feel good at certain times. I’ve been so depressed because I lack confidence. School depresses me since I don’t think that I can make it at times (which is why I don’t want to go on to higher education and maybe get a pasters or go to law school). Work depresses me since I’m pretty sure I’ll never get promoted and everyone below me will pass me up. I lack the confidence to go up to girls at times (I think that this is actually why SG does so well with the ladies, he’s got tons of confidence, despite being arrogant at times and maybe even pretty nerdy, he’s got the confidence to pull it all of, hell the chicks at the party were diggin’ him). The biggest one of all though is after I graduate. I lack the confidence to think that I can succeed after graduation. I think that this is why I felt so good on active duty and why I like the military. I feel safe and secure there. As long as I’m in, I’ve got a steady pay-check (plus the stuff is fun). It’s so fucking simple.

Like earlier today I was feeling pretty good since when we did the sparring in Karate, I actually hit one of the more experienced guys (I hit him softly since I saw he was gonna miss my punch). It gave m a nice confidence boost that I could use the stuff I had learned. Plus, it just felt good to hit somebody, it’s been too long since I’ve hit somebody. Also, when I’m with the girl I like, I get a confidence boost since she’s a girl I’m actually doing well with.

So yeah, figured out the problem to my depression. This week has been particularly bad since I haven’t wanted to do anything after school. I pretty much sit around and watch TV or movies for 7 or 8 hours. In faact, the whole reason I went on the run just now is because I felt worse than I had in awhile (I was thinking about my future). I guess I’m just starting to experience some of the fear and anxiety of graduating. After so many years of school it is coming to an end and I’ll be out in the real world.

EDIT: I think the reason that I want to get deployed so badly is that it will give me that sense of security again…plus I like the field. I don’t care where I go, I just want to go.

There’s no thrill like self discovery.

Just thought I’d reply before the bullshit starts; I’ve nothing substantive to add as yet.



Just don’t worry too much. Sometimes, you have no choice…but when you stop taking life so seriously, and stop worrying about people putting you under scrutiny, and other such things…it becomes a lot easier to be confident, cos then who are you trying to impress or please, besides yourself? :stuck_out_tongue:

It may be hard for you to do those things, it may not be. If it’s easy, then good! If not…that’s understandable. It wasn’t easy for me, either. :confused: Just work at it. You’ll be aight, Nick. :smiley:


How nice.

I had a similar experience after i graduated. I had a diploma, but i had no skills, i wasn’t good at anything useful. I could do manual labor witout a problem, but manual labor doesnt pan out in the end. You just end up working 9 hours a day for 200 bucks a week. I didn’t want to live with my parents any longer, which i do regret not spending more time with my brother now. I joined a roofing crew, and that brought me to a construction crew, and before i knew it, 8 years passed and i was what i hated… my father. God(s) i didn’t want to be like that man ! I took up studying radio communications, and despite a little trouble with Algebra, i found i liked the stuff. Now, i get to stay at home, i enjoy helping a family with a quadropolegic son, building radios and antenna’s for people. I’m actually watching my kids grow up though, and that’s what really seems to make waking up. We might struggle a little during the hard months, but we get by. Finding your niche in life isnt easy sometimes. I almost joined the military after graduation, but didn’t. If i was more mature, i might have, but i had this “fight The Man” thing goin on then. I’m not sure what the point i was trying to make is, so i’ll just end this post with saying that i wish you luck in finding the place you belong.

Bah, the military bites. At least in my experience, being deployed is alot better than the bullshit you have to put up with in the states. Especially active duty guys.

So uh, Info, you think you’re gonna get mob’ed before I leave here around sept/oct?

I doubt it. Even if I don’t get the Georgia thing and my unit gets called up again for Iraq, we aren’t eligible until mid-October. It would be even more time until we actually got to Iraq. I doubt that my unit will go over for at least another minimum though.

Aww you suck. That means you’re gonna goto Iran or something whenever Bush decides they have WMD too.

My unit could go to Iran right now since that would be a different operation. However, they can only call reserves up for up to 24 months and then can’t call them up for another 24 months for the same operation.

“I don’t believe in nothing no more! I’m going to law school!”



I’ve learned a few things about my own limits and the impact of my self confidence on my actions in the army.

It helps you seriously just to learn to grit your teeth at times - It’ll turn up good when you push the limit every once in a while, be it a 20km full-pack march or a simple schedule to cook food up for a count of 1115 persons with a 4-person staff… (I’m an economics personnel person, for those who didn’t know…)

Anyways, a healthy confidence is the key to many successful things in life. I, for one, recommend it.

…A Finnish Army?

Yes. Although it’s strictly a Defensive Force.

Arent they all ?