Adolf Hitler's top 59 mistakes

The Top 59 Mistakes Made By Adolf Hitler

  1. Land War In Asia
  2. Changed name from highly catchy “Schickelgruber” to boring “Hitler”
  3. Leaving his little mustache: Not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln beard to instill trust among subjects
  4. Not buying lifts for his shoes
  5. Failure to exploit the Me-262 jet fighter
  6. Failure to exploit Eva Braun
  7. Chose swastika as party symbol rather than the daisy
  8. Chose Josef Goebbels rather than Marlene Dietrich to promote Nazi image
  9. Chose “Deutschland Uber Alles” over “Let’s All Be There” as party slogan
  10. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones
  11. Chose unfashionable blacks and browns rather than trendy plaids and stripes as uniform colors for SS & SA
  12. Referring to Stalin as “that old Georgian fat back”
  13. Indiscriminate use of V-2 rockets for public fireworks displays
  14. Free berr in munitions plants
  15. Lisp never corrected
  16. Bad toupee
  17. Refused to undergo nostril reduction surgery
  18. Failed to conquer strategically important Comoros Islands
  19. Fell asleep in staff meetings
  20. Chose Italy as ally
  21. Land War In Asia
  22. Got involved with a Sicilian when death was on the line
  23. Made pass at Eleanor Roosevelt during 1936 Olympics
  24. Built heliport on top of new Reichstag building which looked remarkably like a bullseye from the air
  25. Always got Churchill out of bed for conference calls
  26. Never had fireside mass rallies
  27. Told Einstein he had a stupid name
  28. Used SS instead of LAPD
  29. Admired Napoleon’s strategy
  30. Strong fondness for sauerkraut and beans made General Staff avoid him constantly
  31. In last days, chose to hide in bunker rather than ask U.S. for a little country place in Hawaii
  32. Nightmare involving Pillsbury Doughboy haunted him constantly with war advice
  33. Major theme in speeches - “lebensraum” or “living room” - widely misperceived as call for domestic architectural reform
  34. Failed to revoke Rudolf Hess’s pilot license
  35. Pissed off Jesse Owens at 1936 Olympics
  36. Didn’t put his brother Billy in the concentration camps. When word got out that Billy was just a beer guzzling fat guy in a small town in Bavaria who grew peanuts, it was bad P.R. for Der Fuhrer
  37. Breast feeding for too long
  38. Passed up Finnish “tanks for snowshoes” offer before invasion of USSR
  39. Drank too much at Beer Hall Putsch
  40. Spent jail time planning how to conquer the world instead of his own escape
  41. Forgot to write “Dear Joey” letter to stalin before invasion of Poland
  42. Blew nose on Operation Barbarossa maps, forcing extemporaneous invasion of Soviet Union
  43. Took no steps to keep Neville Chamberlain in power
  44. Chose the Tirpitz for that weekend of love with Evan in the fjords
  45. Frequently mistaken for Charlie Chaplin due ot mustache; Undermined credibility (as when he threatened to invade Poland, everyone waited for the punchline)
  46. Came off as poor loser when “Triumph of the Will” failed to win Oscar for Best Foreign Documentary – “You don’t like me” speech undermined image
  47. Used to make prank calls ot FDR asking if he had “Prince Albert In A Can”
  48. Forgot correct inperpretation of Nietsche; Caused much embarrassment when he used to cite philosophical support for his concept of the “Oberdude”
  49. Got drunk on schnapps and suggested Tojo attack the U.S., saying “The U.S. only has twenty times your industrial power! What are you, a wimp?”
  50. Listened to too much Wagner and not enough Peter, Paul, and Mary
  51. Spent too much on screwdrivers and toilet seats
  52. Tried to play football with Axis Lucy who pulled the ball away at the last second
  53. Failed to encourage tourism
  54. Being born
  55. Never did the honorable thing with Eva Braun
  56. Alienated Chamberlain at Munich by sticking an “Invade Me” sign on his back
  57. Kept Colonel Klink in command
  58. Churchill mistakenly thought “Deutschland Uber Alles” was a veiled threat
  59. Used same astrologer as the Reagans

(Yanked from a friend, who actually found the list again after many years)

  1. Failure to exploit Eva Braun

He probably didn’t want to exploit the 14 year olds in them

  1. Built heliport on top of new Reichstag building which looked remarkably like a bullseye from the air
  2. Spent jail time planning how to conquer the world instead of his own escape




I liked the “land war in asia” bits … Princess Bride, anyone?

I assume you liked number 22 as well then, Yar.

I laughed. Land war in Asia. Heh.

I’ve always assumed that the first rule of European warfare is: Don’t invade Russia in the winter.

I’m willing to bet 10 golden dabloons that you got this from a chain e-mail.

  1. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones


… I knew that! shiftyeyes

  1. Being born

Common mistake.

He said it was from his friend.

  1. Bad toupee

prove it!

Chain email from a friend.

I think he skipped one.

  1. making a clone of himself that looks like the green ranger.

You can put that as either 1 or 21, which are the same thing currently.

Meh, meh. Some are fun. Some aren’t at all.

He was a pretty hardcore boss in Wolfenstein.

you mean like the way his generals wanted to use it as just that…a jet fighter, but hitler said no, use it as a bomber? fighter bomber actually if i remember right, but hitler made the main focus on bombing, instead of fighting, which was possibly his second biggest mistake, right next to not letting Rommel run the war his way.