A Thought on Coca-Cola

I was browsing through a few sites on Coca-Cola after a discussion with a friend about it. I already know a few of the wife’s tales and some proven facts, like cleaning blood off of a side walk, disentegrating a t-bone steak, used in fried rice, cleans toliet bowls, kills battery corrosion, etc.

My thought: What if… applied directly or injected into… either in it’s original form or a byproduct of…

What if Coca-Cola cured cancer?

I mean, hell, if you can cook, kill, and drink (with) it, why not erase tumors?

My friend think potassium, applied in the same manor, would work better.

Seriously. If I ever catch it, I’ll tell the doctor to give me 20cc’s of Coca-Cola. See what happens. Why not.

You won’t see what happens because you’ll be too busy undergoing acidosis

Nah. It’s not great for you, but it doesn’t kill on the titanic level cancer requires. I mean, a fuckload of radiation only has a chance of managing to kill it.

Well blargh. I was imagining an injection of Coke into the cancer cells and then Snap!Crackle!Sizzle!POP! that shit starts drying out. Or a Coke Paste or something of the sort.

Eh, I’ll try it next time I’m with my junkie friends, and thus have a needle handy. Just go straight up in onna them swollen lymph-nodes with some coca-cola. The worst that can happen is a horrifically painful death as my head is eaten off. I risk that every day, being a professional dinosaur wrestler.

Coke isn’t meant to be injected, drinking it is the only way to enjoy it. <3

I prefer to snort it. Charle got me hooked, way back in the day. He started Jing and I down the same dark path.

The carbonation makes my veins feel like they’re exploding!

Mmm… tasty… fizzy blood…

In case any of you fuckers are crazy enough to try that, realize that you don’t want to inject bubbles of gas into your bloodstream. You’ll die. And even then, you might die just from the liquid itself for God knows what reason.

But just think of the recognition you’d get from winning a Darwin award.

There’s another great use for coke (or any cola, really). What you need is:

A slow cooker (you might know it as a “Crock Pot”)
1 beef roast
1 can Coke
1 packet of onion soup
1 can of mushroom soup (if you wish)

Brown the beef roast on all sides on a frying pan (optional). Put beef roast in slow cooker. Pour can of Coke, packet of onion soup, and can of mushroom soup in the slow cooker. Cover and cook on low heat for eight to ten hours. I do this before I go to work, sometimes. By the time I get back home, I have a delicious roast to come home to. Serve over mashed potatoes or rice.

If you want to make that recipe REALLY simple, all you have to do is forget about the onion soup and the mushroom soup. Instead, put in a whole bottle of ketchup. The recipe is the same. Brown roast (optional), put it and ketchup in slow cooker. Heat on low for 8-10 hours.

Now, don’t trim the fat off before you cook it, otherwise you’re going to have a really dry roast. Just warning you.

I’ve used Dr. Pepper, ginger ale, and Sprite as substitutes (only, I generally use the generic varieties). This is especially good if you want different types of roasts. Put in a large chicken breast, and use the sprite. Put in a pork roast, and use ginger ale. Dr. Pepper works well with beef roasts.

Anyway, I know that this sounds vile, but seriously try it. It makes a gravy you won’t forget.

Sil’s right, you guys. I tried this. I’m fucking dead. After I finish typing this, I’m gonna go make some pottery with Demi Moore.

Just as a side note, guys, this kind of thread is what makes RPGC awesome.

You obviously need to learn more about biology (a) and review your “facts” (b).

I’ll sing a song in the memory of our late friend Arac.

I barely scraped by on basic high school Biology. Physics was more my thing.

Then again, it IS Alabama, where butter cures warts, mayonaise is a beauty suppliment, football is a religion, and Obesity is always the latest fad.

All is moot. Beer can do everything that Coke can not. And it improves upon the things that coke does already, except not getting fired at work when you are caught drinking it there. But it does improve your ablity to hide stuff and be sneaky when you drink it at work anyway.


Thus the thread :P.


Funny story about Coke, though… last year, I was stuck at my now ex’s house (car battery died) and we were about to jump it off. Friend of mine’s wife saw my battery and the corrosive stuff around it. She asked if she could get a coke out of the cooler we had in the garage. She opened it, took a big sip, and smiled. Then dumped half the can over the battery, and my ex starts SCREECHING like nobody’s buisness. Thought it was going to kill the car or something.

You just don’t work at the right place.