I posted this in the poetry thread, but it seems like that’s more for displaying poetry than getting advice. I’m curious what people think of this, and how I can improve on it in the future. So, here it is:
Eye to Heart
And when will we meet, seeing eye to eye?
You tilt my head up from the rosy shade,
To watch your gaze turn to the clouds - afraid
Of what? Shall I again let it pass by?
Tell me why you look away; I will try,
With you, with leveled eye, to find what made
You start to fear. Then, exposed, it will fade.
Just look at me! Tell me it was no lie!
I still recall when we saw heart to heart,
If not eye to eye. Can eyes see at night?
Tell me, what fear is there to keep apart
Two hearts that meet at dusk? There’s no such fright.
So stay with me, through the evening, and part
Only when sleepy eyes reclaim our sight.