A problem-

Allright. I’ve pretty much gotten rid of my annoyingly gregarious and excessively silly alter ego (in real life) and tried actually… I don’t know- acting myself. The problem is, I found out when I’m not hiding behind a screen or a stupid persona, I’m very shy. This is not something that I anticipated, quite honestly. I thought that I really WAS a foolish twit… but it turns out that I “merged with my cover story” as Burroughs once put it.

Now I really don’t know how to approach people at all. I managed to be able to talk to one guy who is a roleplaying geek (REAL roleplaying, you console gaming nuts ;p)- but thats about it. I guess if I game with him, I’d meet people- but thats obviously not all.

I wanted to talk to someone specific of the opposite sex. Yeah. About a week or so after deciding that I would never ever ever ever get involved with anybody again in my life due to various stupid reasons, I became infatuated with a girl (most likely for equally stupid reasons, but not really… I like short green eyed girls, stupid me). So… uh… how could I maybe talk to her without saying something completely stupid.

((an example of a conversation with her in our English class:

Me: Uh… are those contacts?
Her: No, they’re my real eyes.
Me: Uh… well they’re really cool.
She smiles “Thanks”))

Another thing: I know she is flirting with me, but I am absolutely convinced she is fucking with my brain rather than it being genuine flirtation. Probably just the bullshit argument “oh, who would like me, blahblahblah” and such. So yeah- how could I like… uh… find out… and stuff.

Oh- and just learning how to approach other interesting people, not necessarily for the same kinda stuff, would be great. There are some people in my college who intrigue me, that I wish to approach and ask questions, but I think that they’ll think I’m stupid or whatever. Heh. I guess I’m not great at making friends or whatever. :stuck_out_tongue:

EDIT: Oh boy, angst filled rambling… just like my first posts.

I have a problem simalar to this, but I have lots of trouble talking to people of the opposite sex.

heh, I dunno how helpful I’ll be, given that I have pretty much the same problems in dealing with girls, but I’ll try to give you some advice that I myself attempt to follow.

Okay. Connecting, and I mean REALLY connecting with another person, as in realizing mutual love or cultivating it or what have you, is such a delicate, crazy operation that…well, I’m convinced that all instances ever of it are pure luck. I mean, maybe in the movies you can have people who are sexy and they know it, but in the real world, everybody just kinda…doesn’t know WHAT the fuck they’re doing. Likely even the girl you’re enamored of, though it’s a fact of life that if you like a person like that, pretty much anything they do seems like, infinitely cool and awesome and wonderful and natural and…you know. Almost infuriatingly so, except you can’t stop watching, can’t stop loving, and it’s so goddamn ANNOYING but at the same time URG. You know what I’m talking about.

ANYWAYS. Back to how it’s all just luck. So, if there’s no possible way you could consciously connect with the girl you like, then logically you’re gonna want to just…stop trying. Just be like, fuck it. I’m gonna just do whatever the hell I want, be quiet around her if I’m shy, do everything according to my own whims, and if she doesn’t like it…well, so it goes. You can always watch her from a distance. Like…remove all thought from it, because neither you nor anybody else in the real world is going to be able to pull off the don juan schtick, and even IF you do manage to get her to smile…there’s no guarantee that it’ll last. So just…enjoy what you smiles you garner, go with it if some chance gesture brings her closer to you, but…don’t expect anything ever to last.

It may sound depressing, but…well, I see it more as beautifully freeing than nihilistic. The unquenchable, IMMEDIATE love of every happy moment is your reward for your mind not dealing with affairs of love. Cause we just don’t have the programming for it, I don’t think. Don’t have the processing power, and whatnot.

Just my two cents, though. Be well.

-Mazrim Taim

I don’t bother trying to get some. I merely think, several times a week, “Y’know, I really need to get a girlfriend” and then decide it wouldn’t be feasible.

You can’t just be taught how to approach people, so you’re just going to have to teach yourself. Attempt to be more open (meaning small conversation, pleasantries, and an agreeable demeanour) with everyone, including people you wouldn’t normally pick out to talk to. That way, you won’t suffer as much from preconceived fears, since you won’t be concerned with rejection. You’ll screw up a few times, but that’s just the way it is. Eventually, though, it will become an easy matter to approach someone you have picked out, since you will have worked out the process. As for the chick, if you’re so absolutely positive that she’s flirting with you, for whatever reason, you might consider jokingly flirting with her in response, but making it obvious that you’re wildly exaggerating and that you’re really not infatuated with her in the least but think that it’s just fun.

I don’t have a problem talking to the opposite sex. My problem is getting them to go out with me :P. I’ve had 4 girls tell me I’m ‘fundamentally undatable’.

I don’t think that’s something one would want to express in public, Orian :stuck_out_tongue:

Bah, I don’t care. This is an EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS/RANT thread :stuck_out_tongue:

Originally posted by Zombie_Ori
I don’t have a problem talking to the opposite sex. My problem is getting them to go out with me :P. I’ve had 4 girls tell me I’m ‘fundamentally undatable’.

I’m sorry but the way you said that is just so funny! :mwahaha:

That was kinda the point.

Yeah, that was pretty darn high-larious.

hehehe, high-larious.

Well man, you already heard my advice on this, even though it wasn’t really advice… but good luck man.

So, do you really like her? You have to be careful, you don’t want to come on too strong, that might scare her off, and you don’t want to be too lax, since she might get bored. Try to talk to her, genuinly, find out if there is anything you both like, try to use that as a connection. Or you could take the simple and most effective way and say 1. “How do you feel about me?” or 2. “Do you like me?” You are either going to get a straight yes or no for number 2. I can talk to girls fine, it’s getting the girls to want to talk to me is the problem.

I guess it is just a matter of knowing the right things to say, when to say them, and the right girl to say them to. Therein lies the secret, but therein also lies the problem. Since I have never found the right “combonation”, well not yet at least.

I have heard wearing a name tag helps, mostly because people will come and ask you why you are wearing a name tag.

There’s no magic word that will help you connect with people, none that can be given to you anyway. And even if there was it’d probably be to walk over to them and say ‘Hi, I’m SomeoneSomeone’. You’ll just have to muster some courage and give it a go.

Originally posted by Sephiroth Hayes
Or you could take the simple and most effective way and say 1. “How do you feel about me?” or 2. “Do you like me?” You are either going to get a straight yes or no for number 2. I can talk to girls fine, it’s getting the girls to want to talk to me is the problem.

I can tell you that never works- at least, past middle school. That doesn’t work in HIGH SCHOOL let alone college- you come across as a moron if you say stuff like that.

For the record- Hades said that I should keep talking to her like I’m an idiot (see example in first post) because she’ll think its cute. I believe I can safely discard this advice.

Gila- whoa… you have a spinning head in your sig. Who is that? Also- I think your advice might be effective, but I’m not sure I have the confidence just to walk up to someone and ask for their phone number. :stuck_out_tongue:

SK and Mazrim- Wow. It seems like you managed to give pretty much opposite advice. Also, I realize that I would not be satisfied with either.

Maz, I will not be happy until I obtain either a clear yes or a clear no answer (very much preferably yes :p). I guess I’m stupid like that. You are telling me not to bother, basically (how I read it). If I don’t bother with this, then I won’t bother the next time and the time after that and the time after that… and next thing you know, I’m old and single (nothing wrong with being single, but I’d rather not for that long). :stuck_out_tongue:

SK- I’m not sure how I’d pull that off without being just a tad… well… FAKE. That is something that I’ve trying to be avoid, lately. I don’t like plastic people, and I don’t want to be one of them myself. Maybe I could do what you say without compromising my personality, I mean- what you’re saying seems much more reasonable than what Maz is saying (no offense, Maz).

Nulani- You’re saying to meet people I have to talk to them. Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. I just have to dispel some of my hang-ups and that won’t be too much of a problem. I’ll never be ultra-popular or anything, but I suppose that I will obtain friends this way.

I’m not wearing a name tag. ;p

Talk to her a lot, spend some time with her off campus and stuff, and then somewhere after the first date or whatever, put the moves on her. Actions speak louder than words, remember that.

Try to learn to know her, and try not to be too worried about that she’s screwing with your head as I see you fear. Not all girls are bitches, after all :slight_smile: And good luck!

<img src=“http://www.rpgclassics.com/staff/tenchimaru/td.gif”> Approach her downwind, while staying very low to the ground. Be careful not to make a sound. Then, when she’s drinking a soda or something, leap up from the ground and snap her neck. Then proceed to drag her into a tree and eat her at your leisure.

SK and Maz didn’t give advice that was that opposite, they just approached the issues which you presented from different points of view. SK gave tips on how to go out there in general, Maz about how love works, which was actually pretty freakin’ accurate (though love rarely makes sense). SK’s approach is in regards to more casual relationships. Maz’ in regard to much more serious relationships. You should heed Maz’ words to figure out what kind of relationship you want with this chick, use his advice as a compass for how things are going.

As for being shy, I used to be shy, but I’m not anymore. Events in life that shape you tend to keep you the way you are (shy) or bring you out of your shell. Extra experience with women and dealing with issues in appropriate manners tend to give someone balls (or self confidence if you’d prefer). What you need to know is figure out why you are who you are and then you can approach your issues about the world accordingly and as so many people have said, there are many ways to go about that. And of course, there are different ways to go around different people. And you won’t know what to do with all these variables until you learn more about yourself and about the world and you won’t know about the world until you interact with it (usually in unsuccessful manners). All in all, you gotta make sure you’re not something you’re not (unless you want a girl that wants that kinda person, which is very typical).

In the end, the most important thing for you to realize is that nothing really matters. Once you let go of your insecurities, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable trying things with different people and it might just work. Girls don’t like guys who don’t have balls. Simple as that.