A Mabatsekker story.

This is a Mabatsekker story. He did give me clearance, but I’m posting it on this board so that he himself will be able to see the final result. Lots of references to Street Fighter, but believe me, these are references anyone can get, or if not, you can always ask Mab.

Seriously, I have no idea how it turned out. I proof-read my work as I go along, and my sense of humor is generally disliked by most, so…yeah. On with it.

The Incredible Adventures of Mabatsekker, Saikyo Student

Chapter 1 : The Actual Beginning

This tale begins in a land far away from civilization, a land where beasts roamed free and incomprehensible tongues were studied. A land of culture, peace, and snow. This land was called “Finland”. In this Finland stood a city. No one knew what it was named as, and no one even cared. What the people liked about this city was absolutely nothing, which is why most of the youths moved to big cities.

There was one youth that was left behind. That youth longed for a love he had, but lost to some external force, or just because she wanted a break in their relationship, I have no freaking idea, but in any case, she was not there. However, this led to the many nights of sadness of that certain boy. This boy’s parents had forbade him to go away from home, or at least, not until he was 18. You see, the world outside was evil, perverted and downright mean.

Little did they know that their little son had already come into contact of all these things, and they definitely had no mark upon his soul.

This young man was named “Mabatsekker”. A young grasshopper in the martial art ways, and you know, he wasn’t all that fast either, but he had a heart of gold. This heart of gold was what had sent many on their way to challenge him.

A mysterious man, well-versed in the ways of the fight, passed through Mabatsekker’s village, and the inhabitants did not welcome him. I mean, come on, he’s a wandering martial artist, when was the last time he had a shower!? No one knew the answer to that question…however, he did enounce one thing.

“I want to challenge the boy of the golden heart to a match of true desire and fists, nothing more.”

Not wanting to stink up their village more, they accepted, and pointed to Mabatsekker. Mabatsekker, not actually being prepared to fight, stood before the cloaked man, and said the following phrase.

“But sir! I have never fought before!”

“You gotta start somewhere, c’mon bitch, daddy’s gonna pimp your ass.”

The crowd was shocked and appalled by the stranger’s vocabulary. However, the match was even quicker. The stranger charged towards the golden-hearted boy, uppercutted his chin, and jumped while yelling as loud as he could the following battle cry…


Mabatsekker was instantly knocked out, however, when he heard that man say this strange word, his spirit was questioning itself. Something it hadn’t done since this morning, as Mabatsekker never did know what to eat for breakfest. If such powerful men exist in the world, then why wasn’t he as powerful as them? Coming from a long tradition of blue mages, one would expect that he could have learned this…Shoryuken or something, but alas, he was knocked out.

Which surprised everyone in the vicinity.

Which, in turn, made the loudest gasp the world had ever known.

Which, in turn, sent a small planet off it’s orbit and into its sun, melting all inhabitants of said planet.

But the stranger, him, was not surprised. He quickly left the city where the golden hearted one lay, only to go towards another direction. He left Mabatsekker for granted, prone to much stompings from the cruel people envying his golden heart. Of course, they didn’t realize that they didn’t have a golden heart because they were cruel, but such is the way of things.

In any case, Mabatsekker fell unconscious.

When he came to, his parents, who we will call Mike and Monique, were around him, in their official Blue Mage garb. At least, for Mike it was official Blue Mage garb. For Monique, let’s just say it was a bit more revealing. A slight bit. In fact, for someone who lived in Finland during winter, if you’d wear that, you’d die of an atrocious death by freezing your ass off.

“Uh, what?” asked the poor Mabatsekker, mystified by the fact that he finally got back home.

“Oh, poor Mabatsekker! Does it hurt?” asked his mom, because you know, that punch looked like it freaking hurt!

“I feel strangely fine. I guess someone out there looks out for me.” he answered, our good young friend called Mabatsekker.

“I did. I kinda casted “Big Guard” and “MFin Defense” on you before the match began.” said his father.

“How come I didn’t see the familiar glow?” Mabatsekker retorted, not trusting his father.

“Because I’m that damn good, bitch. Anyway, you got pwned, and as much as I don’t want to do this, you’re a Blue Mage. If we coop you up in here, you’re gonna suck. So we’ve decided to book you a plane to anywhere you want to go.” his dad told.

However, in Mabatsekker’s head, there was but one destination that needed visiting.

“I will go…to Japan!”

At the airport, Mabatsekker, our dear Blue Mage/Martial Artist in training, was soaking up all the sights of a technological wonder that was called a “bench”. You could do anything with a bench. You could sleep on it, sit on it, and even hug it if you were a benchophile. However, as Mabatsekker isn’t a benchophile, and he’s technically a bit taken for the moment, even if he temporarily lacks the girlfriend to say so, he wasn’t hugging the bench but rather, sitting on it before his plane arrived.

Then, a white haired ninjutsu-user arrived. He turned his head towards Mabatsekker, with intent to kill, and simply said :


Then, he departed as fast as he had arrived. Mabatsekker wondered what the hell that was. However, that did not deter him from his quest at hand.

Now there was a problem.

He had no quest at hand. He was ready to embark to Japan, and knew that he had to do something. What did he have to do? He forgot.

“Oh well, I can get some anime not released here and come back if I can’t remember once I’m there!”

Smiling stupidly and joyfully, he did not notice he was about to run into two thugs. In fact, when he made the impact, he fell on his butt, and the two thugs were towering over him.

“Yo, G, look what we got?”

“Some freak in blue?”

“Yeah. Let’s punch 'em!”

They stood at the side of Mabatsekker, and Mabatsekker did not know what to do, so he cowered in fear.


The two thugs had nailed each other with their punches, and spat out a part of their teeth before falling unconscious. Mabatsekker was pleased. He had learned his first ability by cleverly defeating these monsters, and that was the “Thug Punch”. Which was only a punch, but, hey, at least now, Mabatsekker could defend himself against oncoming threats, which, of course, there would be plenty, but first, he actually had to get to Japan first.

In order to get to Japan, he had to board his plane, and fight off old ladies, bodybuilders, transvestites and various other enemies, which includes the pilot, who had left his seat in order to clobber the hero of the story. Mabatsekker used his mighty “Thug Punch” to defeat all who stood in his way, especially the pilot.

But there was one thing still in Mabatsekker’s mind.

“Why does everyone want to attack me?”

Mabatsekker finally arrived in Japan, though it wasn’t like he thought it would be. First of all, he expected to land at an airport instead of a smoldering crater. He also figured that Japan would be a bit less panicky, but fortunately, he thought, he arrived safe and sound. However, he was not prepared for one of the first things you encounter when going in a foreign country.

The language barrier.

And Mabatsekker had run right into it. “Ow.” was all he could say.

In the middle of Tokyo, our favorite wandering Blue Mage in search of power, glory and love was lost. He did not know where to go, and as people in Japan were usually not too quick on starting fights, he wouldn’t get to learn any Blue Mage powers. So he decided to check out the ads. Of course, it had not dawned upon him that they were all in Japanese. Well, it did, but he figured it couldn’t hurt.

In any case, he was in front of a TV store, and on the TV was showing the ad of one man in pink. This man in pink would be closely tied to Mabatsekker’s upcoming in the world, and to this story. This man, Mabatsekker knew well. It was none other than the all mighty Dan Hibiki, Master of Saikyo, the Strongest, martial art style. Mabatsekker then saw a bunch of symbols that seemed to indicate the address, and then immediately zoomed towards it.

Somewhere out there, the same dark clad figure that attacked Mabatsekker in Finland was onlooking. And laughing really hard. Then returned to onlooking.

Mabatsekker finally arrived to the Saikyo dojo, which he found surprisingly empty. In it was Dan, cleaning up the front with a broom.

“Um, sir, why is your dojo empty?” asked the young and naive Mabatsekker.

“Pah! People nowadays have no idea what a true martial art is. They go to their Shotokan dojos, hoping to learn the big secrets that those pathetic excuses for street fighters Ryu and Ken have, and they don’t even realize that these two aren’t even Shotokan users, but they stay anyway, and let’s not talk about that Muay Thai. I mean, I already beat the former God of Muay Thai, and do you see anyone piling to my dojo? NO!”

“Mr Hibiki, if it’s not too much…”

“Yeah kid?”


“Say what!? You actually want to enlist? I haven’t had a student since Jimmy left me to play with the monkeys in Brazil! I accept! However, you’ll have to throw your weight around here and you will have to do lots of work in order to be a Saikyo master. Are you ready for that?”

“Yes! Please teach me the power of Saikyo!”

And so, the strange friendship between the second worst martial artist ever and the youngest Blue Mage ever began…and if you think their adventures stop there, you’re sadly mistaken.

Ahh… man, your story is GOLDEN! MORE! I was expecting something MUCH more serious,. but this is twice as good! XD

Well… one typo. Right on the title :stuck_out_tongue: Incrdedible.

Very good I must say. I liked it!:smiley:

Hilarious wording and descriptions, Iga. My favorite is “A young grasshopper in the martial art ways” :slight_smile:

(Yeah, it’s necroposting, but before you kill me… this is something I should have done long ago but didn’t due to things getting in the way)

Weiila, I doubt that necroposting matters as much if you’re helping the author improve.

Anyway, I’m working on the second chapter.

It had been a week since Mabatsekker had become a student of Saikyo Style, and it had been the hardest week of his life. He thought that it would be easy, seeing as the art was considered very, very weak. However, Mabatsekker had been very, very wrong about that thought. Dan had made him sweat more than he thought possible, and he had to wash away his sweat and tears from the floor without any help, and with a toothbrush. Yes, Dan was one harsh master, but Mabatsekker thought it for the best, as it was his current dream to become a Saikyo Master.

After mastering the basic kicks and punches, Dan Hibiki, the best warrior ever if we look at it the Monty Python way, had something to tell his student. It was something enscribed on the four panels of Saikyo. It was the explanation of the Four Trials of Saikyo. The Four Trials of Saikyo were made to make sure that the person becoming a Saikyo Master would be ready to beat up anyone they encountered using the powerful art of Saikyo, to separate the boys from the men. All of them were grueling tests of might to make the bravest quiver in fear, to make lightning look like a slug, to make an ox look like the stat score of an unlucky wizard. Of course, it was written in Japanese, a language Mabatsekker didn’t speak, which is probably why Dan had to explain the tests to him. Mabatsekker sat down as Dan had a meter in his hand, to point at the Four Saikyo Panels.

“Now that you’ve mastered the Saikyo way of fighting, you need to prove to the world that you’re a Saikyo master. Are you ready to take the tests?”

“Yes, master, I am ready.”

Dan turned around and slapped Mabatsekker with the meter.

“Hell no you’re not ready! You don’t even know what the tests are!”

Dan returned to his explanation.

“As you can see, my face is on every panel, that means I’ve done all the tests, but now, the time has come for YOU to do the tests. Yeah…the tests are hard, really hard, I wouldn’t be surprised it takes you ten years to do them.”

Mabatsekker listened on as Dan headed for the first panel.

“This…is the Trial of the Saikyo Pimp. You must go out there, and slap me a ho.”

Mabatsekker wondered about the actual legality of this trial, but he shook his head and listened on. Dan slapped the second panel and stared into the enthusastic eyes of Mabatsekker.

"This…is the Trial of Random Invincibility. I will hit you really damn hard, and you will Koryuken your way out of it. When you achieve the Trial of Random Invincibility, you will know because my attack will pass right through you.

Mabatsekker cringed at the pain of this trial.

“This…is the Trial of the Three Floating Kicks. Basically, you just float in the air and give a knee blow, a left kick and a right one.”

“So you mean, I have to perform a Dankuu-Kyaku?”

“Yeah, that’s right, but you have to land it correctly or you don’t pass.”


This would be a trial he would finish easy, Mabatsekker thought. However, Dan had ideas about it that would scare anyone trying to do that, and cackled evilly. Mabatsekker did not know what to think of his master cackling evilly, except that his master was evil. Which was an impossibility, since Dan is too much of an idiot to be evil.

“Finally, the last trial…you must pwn.”

“I must WHAT!?”

“You must pwn, that is all I am telling you. This is the Trial of Pwning. If you do not pass this, you are not fit to be a Saikyo Master.”

Now, Mabatsekker was in trouble. He had no idea of this…pwning. Pwning was a discipline that was extremely rare in this world, and few could master it. Few martial arts included pwning as an attack, as it was too dangerous to execute, and Blue Mages cowered at the mere mention of pwning, as it was so powerful, it made Michael Jackson cry and willfully rip his nose off.

However, Mabatsekker’s parents never warned him against pwning, they never mentioned what was pwning…

“So, do you think you’re ready?” asked Dan, with a menacing glare.

Mabatsekker was ready, at least, he thought he was ready. So he answered he was ready, only to have Dan slap him again.

“Hell naw you aren’t ready! I’m the only one able to say if you’re ready!”

Mabatsekker knew that arguing with Dan was pointless. He could taunt him into submission faster than a speeding bullet, and with more style too.

“So, do you think you’re ready?” asked Dan again.

Mabatsekker didn’t answer, he knew what was coming if he did.

“You aren’t ready.” finally said Dan.

“But master!”

Dan slapped Mabatsekker with the meter he used to show the Four Trials of Saikyo.


Omnious silence fell over the dojo. Mabatsekker felt as if Dan would never say he was ready. But Mabatsekker had mastered every possible way of being a Saikyo Master! He only temporarily lacked the completion of the Four Trials to be considered a Saikyo Master, he also lacked the authorization of his master to go do the trials. He was tired. He had spent a week mastering the different attacks, hell, he could do them better than his master! MAbatsekker was a proud Finnish Blue Mage, although sometimes a little stupid. This was one of his stupid moments.

“Now listen here, Master Hibiki. When it comes to actual fighting, I could probably kick your ass! I’ve learned everything your style has to show me. You’re right, I’m not ready, I’m motherfucking ready, and even you won’t stop me from doing the Four Trials of Saikyo, and getting the rank of Saikyo Master!”

Dan was surprised by the sudden, insulting outburst of his student. It was rather sudden. And insulting. And worthy.

“Mabatsekker…you are ready.”

As such, Mabatsekker was busy trying to beat his morality into submission, in order to do the first Trial of Saikyo. The Trial of the Saikyo Pimp. For those who do not remember, it was to slap Dan a ho. However, it mustn’t be done with subtility. This IS the Saikyo Style of Martial Arts, after all, therefore, it needs to be done with taunts up the wazoo. Yet, in extremely clichéed fashion, a good Mabatsekker and an evil Mabatsekker were arguing on top of Mabatsekker’s head on whether or not Mabatsekker should slap the next girl passing in front of him.

“She won’t even know! She’ll get knocked out completely by Mabatsekker’s slap!” said the evil Mabatsekker, who we will call Bob.

“But it’s still immoral! What if Dan tried something?” asked the good Mabatsekker, who we will call Joe.

Mabatsekker was getting annoyed, not only were they both loud, opinionated and moronic, they were messing up his hair. If he was to meet Kat-Chi in two seconds, she would laugh at him. He did not like Kat-Chi laughing at him, even if he hadn’t seen her in years.

“Dan is too much of a pussy to try something! He even fears pro wrestlers!”

“No he doesn’t! He’s a real courageous man!”

Mabatsekker was turning red, and by that, I don’t mean he was changing political sides to communism.

“Yes he does! He fears Zangief!”

“You dumbass! Zangief IS a powerful foe, even if his style is wrestling! He wrestles bears for fun, and wins!”

Mabatsekker was steaming up.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.” Bob then thought about something, “Besides, we have to slap a girl to pass the test, and Dan will never let us go if we don’t.”

“But it’s immoral!”

Mabatsekker had enough, he rapidly brought his hand backwards to Shinkuu-Gadouken his two consciences…

…and accidentally slapped a schoolgirl. He didn’t know what to do, so he brought her back to the dojo. Dan was pleased with his new protégé’s victory. Dan then put the girl inside his bedroom, but fortunately, came out 5 seconds after and said to Mabatsekker that he passed the test.

Later on that week, Mabatsekker woke up to a Gadouken smacking his face. He didn’t like it much. He guessed it was the second trial manifesting itself. He saw Dan laughing like a moron at Mabatsekker’s black eye and surprised look. Mabatsekker decided to end this shortly and Koryukened Dan, who tried to defend himself by throwing a punch, but it went right through Mabatsekker! Mabatsekker was surprised, shocked, and happy. Surprised because he got it on the first try. Shocked because Dan didn’t touch him, and happy because he just passed the second test and it didn’t even take a minute! Dan held his cheek in pain.

“Owww…dammit, you shouldn’t have put as much force in it!” yelled Dan.

“Sorry, Master!”

“You’d better be sorry!”

Dan started to run after Mabatsekker, saying he would kick his ass and various other synonyms for ass-kickings. Since they’re not going to do anything for a while, I will end this part of the tale here.

And yes, that’s necroposting, but shut up! :stuck_out_tongue:

I sure wonder who that schoolgirl was… Hopefully, it wasn’t Roll. Otherwise, I’d have an “EEEEY!”-master behind me real soon…

pwning makes me cringe with fear. chhhk

Even worse. It was Sakura Kasugano.

Which means Dan will get his ass kicked.

Is that the cue for the hero to go all "Uh-oh!"ish?


Sakura can go “Hadouken!”, “Shoo~-Ken!” and “Shippukyaky!”, and she has magical schoolgirl with red panties-powers, along with undying Ryu-fandom… Not to mention Dark Sakura >_>

I can go “Gadouken!”, “Koryuken!” and “DanKyaky!”… plus “Thug Punch”, and I can learn new stuff occasionally. Then again, I was trained by a man in Pink. What would YOU expect?

Was that Pink Panther pink or Shinesman Salmon Pink pink?

A little from column A and a little from column B.

Oh, and expect the masked figure to make another appearance or something.